"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Friday, March 27, 2009

When I was younger...

When I was younger, I had my life all planned out. I was voted most likely to succeed in my senior high school class. I always wanted to be a mom but I was going to have a high powered career too. When I got married , it was going to be to a man who had a high powered, white collar career too. When we decided it was time to have children, there were going to be three of them, all girls, and they were going to be spaced with two to three years between them. And, of course, I would have no delivery issues or conception issues because that just didn't happen in my family. Because I would be able to plan them all out, I would be no more than 33 when I was done having kids. Of course, I was also going to be one of those women with no metabolism issues and I was going to be able to fit into my college era clothes until I didn't want to wear them. I assumed I would love my high powered career so much that I would go back to work after the girls were born and we would have a nanny who came in during the day and took fabulous care of the kids. And, due to our two wonderful careers, there would never be any money worries and I'd live in the same house from then until we died.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA...BWA FUCKING HA

You've heard that saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans", well...

Instead of this "perfect" fantasy of a life I concocted, I am a fluffy (oh come on Kristin, say the word, fat) SAHM to 3 wonderful boys. There are almost 9 years between the both of my oldest son and my youngest. My husband is a government worker (runs a 911 center) instead of the high powered executive I once pictured. We've traveled down the hellish highway of infertility and were lucky enough to come through it with our miracle child. Now, at almost 40 years of age, I'm preparing to try for one more baby because our family seems to have a little hole in it. Oh yeah, our finances, lets just say its a damned good thing I don't appear to need IUI or IVF because I'd be shit out of luck. The details of my life are not at all what I imagined they would be. But, the core part of my life, the contentment, the happiness, the all encompassing love for my family, is exactly how I thought it would be.

Even though some of my high school classmates might disagree, I think I have succeeded beyond my wildest imaginings. I am married to my best friend. He is my life, my love, the other half of my soul. Even when we piss each other off, it never lasts too long. Vic always can make me laugh and we never run out of things to say to each other. Most importantly, we have absolute faith and trust in each other.

After I recovered from the shock 13 yrs ago when my doc said, "You're having a boy", I have LOVED every moment of having boys. They are wild, wonderful, smart, and never, ever boring. And, despite my desire to have my kids closer together, the trials and tribulations of infertility brought with them many rewards and blessings. I would have missed out on so many things if I had never gone through IF.

Money may not be abundant but Vic has a secure, safe job and we have a house that can never be taken away from us. Nowadays, those things are worth their weight in gold.

I wouldn't wish my struggles and heartaches on anyone but I also wouldn't give them up for all the money in this world.

8 comments:

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Awww. What a beautiful post! Life has a funny way of (eventually) working out the way we need it to...even when it goes so completely against our original plans. :)

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm glad your life turned out differently for you. Not that you had pain, but because you are so blessed with a happy wonderful life. I'm wishing you so much luck on the next chapter in your life.
*HUGS*

Faith said...

Isn't it funny how our ideas of "happy" and "success" evolve as we live life? Great post. ICLW.

Sheliza said...

I commented to this post earlier today and it went away! Oh crap, I hope I can remember all what I said! You are so awesome Kristin and you are very blessed to have a hardworking man and awesome kids. So many women can only dream of having the type of life you have. You are talented, sweet, funny and a great mommy :)

When you mentioned in one of your posts about VIc working nightshift, it took me back to when Dwayne worked nights for 5 years at guess where?? 911!!! LOL!

Kristen Andrews said...

yes I was the same way had things all planned out and yet the stumbling blocks I hit made me a stronger person. Happy ICLW!

raino said...

married to your best friend. how nice is that!?

Tanyetta said...

I really love this:

****the core part of my life, the contentment, the happiness, the all encompassing love for my family*****


and most importantly, being married to the man of your dreams! you are BLESSED beyond measure. I love your story.

Stay encouraged my dear. Stay encouraged :)

MrsSpock said...

Reminds me of Bing Crosby singing about "counting my blessings" in White Christmas. If only more people could define success as who they are and not what they have.