Boo-beez

There are stories in our past that we each try to forget. Stories we try to pretend never happened. But, for you my friends, cause I love you and want to make you laugh, I'm going to tell you one of those I can't believe it's happening to me stories.

A number of years ago, about a year after Vic and I moved into the first house we bought together (ya know, the house featured in HouseBuyingFucknuttery), we had finally bought the riding lawn mower I'd been lusting after. Don't judge...when you have over and acre to mow, it does strange things to your desires. It was such a sweet looking lawn mower...red and shiny and it had a cup holder.

Friday finally came and I was up on my lawn mower taking care of the yard. It was just amazing how much faster I could finish mowing the lawn. I hadn't been out there long enough to even get a sun burn and I'd already finished the flat area around the house and I was headed up the hill so I could mow the upper part of the yard. I had completed two laps around the upper part of the yard and I heard the engine of a large truck in the distance. As I started the third lap around the yard, I had to make a detour around the swing set.

That detour did me in.

See, this was the first time I had mowed the yard with my beautiful new riding mower. I didn't quite have a handle on the turn radius of that beautiful red machine. As I rounded the slide, I turned a bit too sharply and clipped the bottom corner of the slide.

No, I didn't tear the slide off the swing set. It was nothing that simple. The wheel of the lawn mower hooked on the bottom edge of the slide and lifted it up out of the ground. That wouldn't have been too bad except the local yellow jacket gang had used that slide to disguise the entrance to their gang headquarters. Yup, I tore open the entrance to an underground beehive. The gang swarmed and went up my pants leg and under my shirt. I threw that bitch into park, jumped off my shiny red machine, and went tearing across the yard shaking my pants leg and flapping my shirt wildly. As I got near the house, I pulled the shirt up over my head. I figured I was safe. We lived way out in the country. Our neighbors were at work. And, dammit, the desperate need to get the bees out of my clothes overrode any sense of modesty.

I was wrong. I wasn't safe. Remember that large truck motor I heard. It was the motor of the UPS truck. And, you'll never guess whose house he was coming to...mine. That day will go down in Cruz family history ads the day I stripped for the UPS man. I bet the UPS guy didn't know he was going to get his very own peep show when he came to work that day.

Harry Ha-Ha

Since I tormented y'all with Voldemort themed erotica, I thought I'd share some truly funny Harry Potter things I found. Y'all remember Harry Plopper from The Simpsons Movie, right?

Well, I found a poster someone created using Harry Plopper's image...

And, while that gave me a good giggle, the video I found had me laughing so hard I was crying. I can either blame it on the fact that I was watching it at 2 am or I could simply admit I have the sense of humor of a 12 yr old boy. Give it a watch and tell me which reason you think wins out.

Do y'all have anything funny you've run across recently? I'd love a link.

Tales from the Dark Side

Earlier this week, I opened the floor to any and all questions. I promised to answer anything asked and, since my brain is too addled by kid cooties to think straight, I decided today would be the day.

The first few questions come from Mrs. Gamgee from Hobbit-ish Thoughts and Ramblings...

1. What are some of the keepsakes you've kept from when your boys were small? I have the favorite rattles each of them used, a couple of night lights they've outgrown, and I have almost all their baby clothes. I plan to make little quilts out of the baby clothes and blankets I saved.
2. If you had to give up one, either fabric based crafting (quilting, sewing, crochet, etc) or cooking, which would you give up and why? Oh, I'd give up cooking, no question. First of all, my husband is a kick ass cook. Second, my crafting has saved my sanity on more than one occasion. It's a hella cheaper than therapy.
3. I've been craving a margarita lately, but since I can't have one, what kind will you have on my behalf? (if you don't like margaritas, what other grown up drink do you prefer?) I adore traditional frozen margaritas but I also love Piña Coladas.
   

The next few questions are from Bloggers for Hope...

1. I'd love to hear more about the books you like to read.... For me, the type of books I read are truly dependent on the mood I'm in. I can and will read just about anything. I've read amazing biographies about Walt Disney and Gene Roddenberry. I have a book high on my too read list that was written by a young man who has autism about what it's like to live with it. I adore scifi and fantasy (I use to read almost every Star Trek book out there). But, my biggest literary obsession are Romance books. I think the reason I love them so much is that there is almost always a Happily Ever After and they can fall into almost every genre...romance with fantasy, romance with mystery, romance with thriller.
2. and what kind of crafts do you like?  I don't think I've met a craft I dislike. I tend to favor the fabric/fiber based ones like sewing, quilting, cross stitching, crocheting, knitting. That's why I really need to win the lottery...so I can sit around and craft all day. I'll pay someone else to clean my house and I'll craft the days away.
3. Do you have a favorite or one you'd love to do in the near future! I've never tried it but I'd love to make a Temari Ball someday.

   

   Photo courtesy of Rainy Bay Arts

The last question is from Alana of Alana-isms...

1. How do you dye your hair? Where/how do you purchase purple dye, or create it on your own? I bleach it and color it with products from Manic Panic. I use the colors from their Amplified line because, even though the colors are still made with all natural ingredients, it lasts significantly longer. Last time, I went for a peacock look and used Ultra Violet and Atomic Turquoise. I desperately need to redo my hair. It currently has barely a trace of the color in it. What color do you think I should use this time?

Thanks for indulging me. If y'all have any other questions, fire away.

What The Fuck Wednesday: A Harry Potter Tribute (?)

*BTW, the video below is relatively safe for public consumption. It doesn't go too far off the acceptable track.

Welcome back to What The Fuck Wednesday the prime location to read about products, items, and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter the phrase "What the fuck is that?"

Once something hits the big time, people start putting their own spin on it. It doesn't matter if it's a tv show, a movie, or a book, if it's big enough and popular enough, people spoof it, create tributes to it, or write FanFic about it. Honestly, I can understand loving something so much that you want it to "live" on past the original incarnation. What I'm not sure I can wrap my mind around is when someone takes a thoroughly unlovable character and writes FanFic that places them in an, ummmm, errrr, very "loving" situation. This next youTube video/TV show clip does just that. It's erotic FanFic about the most unlovable character I can think of, Voldemort, and, to add to the whole surreal nature, Ralph Fiennes, Lord Voldemort himself, is reading the FanFic. If that doesn't scream What The Fuck, I don't know what does.

If you've found a what the fuck Wednesday worthy moment, throw up a post and tell us about it. If you don't want to post, share your What The Fuck moment here.

Tasty Tuesday: Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake

Since migraines and computers don't mix for me, I couldn't play with my computer yesterday afternoon. I decided to play in the kitchen instead. Luckily, my mom brought me a new cookbook Saturday and I found some inspiration there. The rest of my inspiration came from a Lemon Blueberry Yogurt Loaf I pinned a short time ago.

Gabe and I played around in the kitchen and created a new family masterpiece. We ended up making a Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake with Lemon Glaze.

Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake with Lemon Glaze

Cake Ingredients

5 eggs

3 cups flour

3 cups sugar

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup of butter

1 cup butter flavored shortening

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

Glaze Ingredients

1/4 cup of butter

2 cups of powdered sugar

4 tablespoons lemon juice

To make the cake...

1. Cream together butter, shortening, and sugar.
2. Once fully blended, continue mixing while adding eggs one at a time.
3. Continue mixing while adding flour a little at a time.
4. Add milk, lemon juice, baking soda, and salt. Mix at medium speed for at least 3 minutes once all ingredients have been added.
5. Pour into greased and floured Bundt pan and bake for 1 1/2 hours at 275°.

Take special care to completely grease and flour all the crevices of the Bundt pan because cakes stick far too easily in these (look closely at the cake picture...that's what happens when a 6 yr old greases your pan for you).

Once you've pulled the cake out of the oven, you can make the glaze while it's cooling.
To make the glaze...

1. Melt the butter in a saucepan.
2. Reduce heat to low and stir in the sugar.
3. Keep stirring until mixture is smooth.
4. Add in lemon juice and stir until fully blended.
5. Remove from heat and drizzle over cake.

There will probably be enough glaze left that you can drizzle it over the individual slices as you serve them.

Enjoy!

Derailed by my body

I had great intentions about writing a post about how things don't work out how you intended because of limitations your body (or your spouse's body) place on you but, weirdly enough, that post got derailed by my body. I have the beginnings of a migraine and, if I don't get off the computer soon, I will get sick. Migraines and the screen refresh rate do not play well together in my world.

Hopefully, I'll be back on later today. Until then, I'll go eat some candy hearts with Gabe. To entertain me when I get back, I have a few requests...


1) Do you like candy hearts? If so, what kind do you like the best? I like Brachs candy hearts the best.
2) If you don't like candy hearts, what is your favorite Easter candy?
3) Please go leave a question for me to answer on my last post.
4) Don't forget to sign up for my 2012 book challenge.

Welcome, welcome one and all...

Hey y'all...welcome to ICLW at Dragondreamer's Lair. My name is Kristin and I'll be your hostess this week. I went through a major blogging slump in December and, while I'm back to blogging regularly, I'm hoping ICLW will be the kick in the ass I need to get back to commenting regularly.

I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother, and an infertility survivor. I've been pregnant 11 times and have 3 fabulous, maddening, smart-assed, intelligent, kind gentle, living boys. I tend to believe in the basic goodness of people but god help you if you prove yourself unworthy of that faith and trust. I will bend over backward to help family and friends but I'll gladly tell you to fuck off if you hurt someone I care about. I love crafts. In fact, I think I have crafting issues because I have enough crafting supplies ,to keep an army busy for a lifetime. I'm a voracious reader and a TV addict (thank God for DVRs). I'm a homebody who hates moving but I adore traveling. I'm a wanna be foodie and a home improvement DIYer with delusions of grandeur and no budget to support it. I'm a faithful Christian with a potty mouth worthy of a truck driver or a sailor or anyone else who curses a lot. I'm a very traditional person who also supports gay marriage and freedom of choice.

I'd love to get to know all of y'all better. So, please, tell me who you are! And, while you're at it, throw a few questions my way. I'll answer anything and everything.

Stuff I Made Recently

Remember me telling you about Beanis and his trip to BlogHer? Well, my willingness to parade around BlogHer with a giant crocheted penis has paid dividends in more than one way. First, I got to meet all kinds of fabulous people thanks to Beanis. Second, I've had the chance to make some money. And, third, I've had the delightful opportunity to embarrass the crap out of my children.

I can feel the jealousy rolling off those of you with kids. I know...how lucky can I get to make a little cash and embarrass my kids at the same time. Yeah, you guessed it. I'm making more Beanises. I got an order in early December for a Beanis. That one went in the mail to the great white North (Canada) right before Christmas. Now, I'm working on my second commissioned Beanis. It's so much fun watching my boys (especially Marty) squirm and beg for it to disappear every time I bring our Beanis to work on him,

Since I know y'all have to be dying to see my last Beanis, here he is in all his glory...the Gay Pride Rainbow Beanis

I've also finished up a scarf for my niece Kayla.