May The Filth Be With You

Helpful Hints from Evil Mom: Tip 5

I love my boys dearly but they get things unbelievably dirty sometimes. Truly, you would not even believe the level of filth they wallow in at times. We had one of those messes to deal with on Sunday. I know most of you remember the crayon on the shirt incident. Well, that time, I had to resort to a more exotic combination of things to remove the filth. This time it was much simpler. On Sunday, the offending objects mired in filth were Gabe's socks...

Before we left my parents' house on Sunday, Gabe helped my mom water the lawn and, in the process, created a mud hole that was just begging to be jumped in. The picture above shows what his socks looked like after the hole jumping had occurred. My initial thought was to throw them away...they were just that filthy. My second thought was rinse them and wash them with with a scoop of oxygen cleaner (like oxyclean or sun oxygen cleaner). Believe it or not, these are the same socks a few hours later...

For really tough stains, spray the stain with a spray stain remover, then sprinkle the oxygen cleaner over it, and spray it again with the spray stain remover. I've managed to get out spaghetti sauce stains and stains from red clay this way. Just be sure you don't leave the clothing treated this way sitting for more than 12 hours or it could affect the color of the fabric.

What's the filthiest you have seen something get and were you able to get it clean? Got any good cleaning tips and hints for us?

Helpful Hints from Evil Mom: Tip 4

Welcome one and all. Evil Mom here and I have to apologize for the long absence. Today, my knucklehead son was home from school sick. He had been on the computer in the den and came out to the living room snickering and laughing. He holds out the shirt I brought him from New York last summer and this is what I saw...

It goes without saying that Evil Mom was a bit pissed (especially since last week I had told him not to color on his clothes with highlighters). My first thought was "Crap, I think that's marker." I was even less happy when he told me it it was crayon. That waxy crayon can be a real bitch to remove. In a move of desperation, I googled "remove crayon from fabric" and found a link to the Crayola Crayon stain remover page. Did you know that a little WD-40, liquid dish soap, and a stiff brush will take crayon out of just about anything? Seriously, spritz the stain with the WD-40, pour on a bit of liquid soap, and scrub it with the brush (I used an ancient, retired toothbrush). When the stain appears to have lifted, rinse it out and check. If necessary, repeat. After a trip through the washing machine, the young knuckleheads t-shirt looks like this...

So y'all, what's the weirdest cleaning tip you have to share with Evil Mom?

Household Hints from Evil Mom: Tip 3

Temporarily changing the name from Household Hints to Helpful Hints...

Hi y'all, it's been a long time since I've brought you a tip or hint and I'm sorry for that...but, I'm going to disappoint you yet again because the hint I have today won't apply to most of you. In fact, this hint is aimed at the lowest of the low...the telemarketer. Wait, they aren't the lowest. The phone scammers are worse.

Now y'all, I know most of you who do the actual phone work for the scammers probably aren't horrible people. You probably don't even know just how bad the scum sucking bottom feeders you work for are. These days, most people have gotten pretty savvy and are really careful not to get sucked in by scams. But, I have to tell you, there is one sure way to make sure you are a failure at your phone scam job. Take a look below...

That's right, most people have caller ID these days. When you call my house and your phone number comes up labeled as PHONE SCAM on my caller id, there is no way in hell you are getting anything from me. Isn't modern technology a wonderful thing?

So, do you have any tips or hints you want me to tackle?

Household Hints from Evil Mom: Tip 2

Welcome back to one of the newest features of my blog, Household Hints from Evil Mom. Last time, you learned about the many household uses of Wal-Mart brand peanut butter. Today, I'd like to share with you the many uses of Crest toothpaste.

Crest toothpaste is not limited to the roll of keeping your teeth sparkling and white...No, my dear friends, as Evil Mom and any college student will tell you, Crest toothpaste can be used to fill nail holes on the wall so you don't get charges for them when you move out. Also, with the many colors of Crest toothpaste available today, you could even go so far as to match the toothpaste with the paint. Just think, Cinnamon Crest can fill the nail holes on your red wallthe cool mint can fill the holes on your seafoam colored walland, the traditional white Crest can fill mail holes on any white wall in your houseBut, my dear friends, I want to let you in on a great big secret. This is something Evil Mom learned when she was 2 years old. The traditional blend of Crest toothpaste will remove paint. See, even when I was young, I assiduously searched for alternate uses for everyday items. Mini- Evil Mom and her best friend decided to redecorate my room while our moms had coffee together. We painted the walls and bed posts with an already opened tube of Crest. Aaaah, the swirls and streaks were a magnificent work of modern art. Sadly, my mom didn't see it in the same light. And, somehow, she seemed even more disturbed when she she wiped it off and the paint came off with it. I don't think she appreciated the opportunity to repaint the walls of my bedroom.

So dear friends, do you have any helpful hints for Evil Mom?

Household Hints from Evil Mom

Hi all...Evil Mom here and have I got a household hint for you. I don't know about you but I am forever running out of super glue or I never, ever have spackling around when I need it. Well, I've got a solution...Wally World Peanut Butter. I know a whole host of you are sitting there thinking "what the fuck?!?!?...has Evil mom been smoking crack?" I assure you I have not. Seriously, Wally World peanut butter should not be called peanut butter. It is so damned thick that it should be labeled peanut spackling. We bought a jar of it a few weeks ago because were out and we didn't feel like stopping by the grocery store. Never again because Oh my freaking Gawd is it thick. The taste is good but is literally thick and sticky enough to suspend one object from another (see pics below)...
glass suspended by peanut spackling
from another glass

plastic cup suspended from
solatube sky light
So, the next time you have a quickie repair or a hole to fill, whip out the Wally World peanut spackling and fix and fill away.