Evil Mom Strikes Thrice

Did you know I was being mean and horrible because I wouldn't let him use the calculator to figure out percent equations during our math lesson today? Well, according to Marty I was. See, he had problems like...

Julius writes novels and receives 12% of the price of each book sold in royalties. To the nearest cent, find the royalty Julius receives on a book price of $7.99.

The equation used to solve these problems is simple... n = % x total or, in this case, royalty = .12 x $7.99

Those are not that hard but, from all the bitching and whining and moaning I got, you would have thought I was torturing him.

When he finally accepted I wasn't going to let him use it, this ensued...
MBMS: But, why did we even buy it?
EM: Because the school required it.
MBMS: They would have at least let me use it to check the work. Why can't I do that here?
EM: I don't know how they would have used the calculator in school. I'm not a teacher there. I am your teacher here. Writing everything out drills the facts into your head. Checking your work by hand does the same. DO YOUR WORK!
MBMS: But, Mooooooooom, if I make a mistake in one and I don't check it with the calculator then I won't know it's wrong and I'll make the same mistake on other ones.
EM: How can you think that? A multiplication mistake in one does not guarantee a multiplication mistake in the other problems. If you are having problems with the formula, a calculator won't catch that.

OMG, you wouldn't believe the pouting, the huffing, the puffing, and the moaning that followed. I came so close to saying we weren't allowed to use calculators in math class when I was younger, you don't need it either.

Then, EM followed it up by refusing to allow MBMS to print out a 6+ page walk through for a video game. I mean, my god, EM let him do it in the past. How dare she change her mind. I told him that if he wished to sit in front of a glowing screen, he could at least use his own brain power to figure out the game. I said that all having a walk through proved was that he could follow someone else's instructions. Of course, he continued to argue so I finally snapped and said he had a choice between almost non-existent glowing screen time with a walk through or more time without a walk through.

Then, MBMS argues with me about what he would eat for lunch. All he wanted was "rice with sauce. That's the only thing that sounds good." But damn, EM said no again. MBMS could not have just rice and sauce. EM insisted he have something else to help balance his diet...and, miracle of miracles, MBMS was in a much better mood after he ate the other things that EM insisted on him having. He went from being an argumentative pain in the ass to saying "You know mom, I think I was so grouchy just because I was hungry."

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH...maybe on days like today, I can video tape the days and sell the DVDs as the best source of no-hormonal birth control available.


EM = eeeeeevil mom
MBMS = much beleaguered middle schooler

The King Street Players present "What do you get when..."

I know its been a while since we've had a King Street Players Production but I truly have to wait until inspiration or insanity strikes. For all of you who love Gabe's laugh and think he is adorable, I wish I had the camera rolling earlier. If you've never had the pleasure of attending one of our productions, you are in luck because this one has a very small cast of characters. Kristin (moi) stars in the roll of EM or Evil Mom and Gabe has his breakout performance as TDB also known as The Demon Briel.

Welcome to the premiere presentation of "What do you get when..."
Act 1 Scene 1
The curtain pulls back to a peaceful dinner scene. Everyone is quietly eating except for the youngest and he is putzing...a bite here, a bit of playing there, and not much progress is being made with dinner. All of a sudden TDB gets up and storlls out to the den and leaves his dinner behind.

EM: Gabe, come eat dinner.

silence follows, punctuated by crickets chirping

EM: raising voice a bit to get response Gabriel!
TDB: What?
EM: Come back in here and finish dinner.
TDB: Ok

more silence, more crickets chirping, and still no TDB returning to the table

EM: I said NOW!
TDB: sounding for all the world like a put upon tween I'm coming

TDB sort of stomps back to table and begins putzing around again. He is doing anything and everything except eating.

TDB: stands up I'm done.
EM: No you aren't. You have barely eaten. Sit back down.
TDB: yelling and still standing I SAID I"M DONE.
EM: You have two choices. You eat or you go to bed. Which is it going to be?
TDB: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
EM: No is not an option. Eat or go to bed!

Much screaming, wailing, and thrashing around commence.

EM: Cut the crap kid. I said you can eat or go to bed.
TDB: Eat

So, EM gets his bowl and is going to help him.

TDB: screams NOOOOOOOO upon sight of the bowl, takes a swing at the bowl and says I DON'T WANT TO EAT!
EM: grabs TDB's hand Ok, then its bed.

TDB kicks it into high gear. He wails, drops his legs out from under him, thrashes around, refuses to walk, tries to pull the clothes back on, tries to prevent the pajamas from going on, screams some more, tries to hit EM a few times, tries to kick a few times, and, generally, is a royal pain in the ass. EM knows this is half because TDB is tired and half because he is hungry so she continues to change him and persist through all this.

TDB: NOOOOOOOO BED!
EM: Are you ready to eat then?
TDB: NOOOOOOOOO EAT. STOP. LEAVE MY CLOTHES ALONE. NO PAJAMAS. NO BED!

EM finally get TDB's clothes off. TDB is still screaming and fighting. EM knows TDB won't sleep well if he doesn't eat so she asks her oldest to fix TDB a peanut butter sandwich.

TDB: NOOOOO LUNCH. I WANT DINNER!
EM: No, I'm sorry. You lost that privilege. You get a sandwich.
TDB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

After 5 more miutes of struggle, EM finally gets on TDB's pajamas. When he catches site of the peanut butter sandwich, TDB quiets down and eats. EM decides she is too damned tired for Act 1 Scene 2 and puts TDB to bed.

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I think a night like this with Gabe qualifies as a mega-dose of birth control.

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BTW, check out my friend Jen's blog for an awesome giveaway. Also, check out her husband Phil's blog to see some absolutely awesome photography.

Evil Mom Teaches Responsibility...

My older two kids are fully convinced that my eeeeevil side has fully taken over. After all , who except a thoroughly evil parent would make them do CHORES on the first Saturday of summer vacation...the horrors. See, recently, I decided I was completely sick and tired of doing all the pet care around our house. Yeah, the boys refill pet food bowls and give them water but ONLY when we make them. And, they never, ever do the nasty chores like cleaning the litter box and pooper scooping the yard. Well, evil mom decided it was time for that to change. I bet you can imagine how well that went over...like a lead ballon...

scene fades to black and, as the light comes back up, we see Evil Mom (EM), the Much Beleagured Middle Schooler (MBMS), and Sir Whines Alot (SWA)...

EM: Hey guys...come here please.
MBMS: Yeah mom, what do you want.
EM: You guys are going to have some new chores around here.
MBMS & SWA together: Why? What did we do?
EM: You didn't do anything wrong. You are just old enough to start taking responsibility for some things. You are going to rotate these jobs. One of you will pooper scoop the yard and one will clean the litter box.
MBMS & SWA: Eeeeeeewwww...gross! Why do we have to? I don't want to.
EM: I didn't ask whether you wanted to. I told you these were your new jobs.
MBMS: But mom, I didn't have to do this when I was Joey's age.
EM: Marty, where did we live when you were Joey's age?
MBMS: The old house.
EM: And, did we have a much bigger yard?
MBMS: Well, yeah....but,
EM: And, did the dogs mostly go out and poop in the yard?
MBMS: But...
EM: No buts, that's why you didn't have to do these chores then and why you have to do them now.
MBMS: Well, can I at least get paid for this.
EM: No, this is your way of helping maintain the family. You will not get paid for this.

grumble, grumble, grumble...notice that SWA actually wasn't complaining a lot this time...he saved it for later

Yes, the kids have taken over these jobs. Yes, they whine and bitch and moan and complain EVERYTIME. They resort to all kids of tactics to avoid the "horrrrrrrible smells" like VIck's vaporub or tying shirts around their faces. You know, this is becoming EXCELLENT entertainment. I may have to start taking picstures of the faces they make each time.

Evil Mom shoots and SCORES!

I've finally figured it out...

I have finally figured out the very best thing about having such an age difference (9 yrs) between my oldest and my youngest. On the days I am told by my (almost) 12 yr old that I care more about school than his feelings but I just won't admit it, my 3 yr old makes me feel better when he wraps his arms around me and says, "I love you mommy." As you might be able to guess, today is such a day.

Marty feels horrible. I can tell he really doesn't feel good because he has no appetite and went to bed early (his own decision) last night. However, he has no fever so I, the infamous Eeeevil Mom, decided he had to go to school. He begged, he pleaded, and he eventried not talking to me. Then, he said I obviously cared more about school than him. He said I never considered how he felt. He even went so far as to say it wasn't fair that I was considering the "what if" scenario more than how he felt. He said that after I asked him what would happen if I let him stay home now and then he got really sick towards the end of the year and it put him over the allowable days lost. He even tried to tie it to a supposed reaction I had to a blog post by someone when I supposedly said them using the what if scenario against their kid wasn't fair. My Much Beleaguered Middle Schooler even tried to make Psycho Dad into the bad guy...

MBMS: "Mom, even though I'm upset with you I don't want dad to drive me to school."
EM: "Why not?"
MBMS acting all emotional: "I don't want to talk about it."

PD hasn't had any interaction with MBMS this morning. MBMS knows that PD doesn't like it when he acts this way and doesn't want to deal with it. MBMS also uses the "dad is evil card" as his fall back to distract EM when he is behaving this way.

EM: "Don't even go there."
MBMS: "What?"
EM: "You always jump to the dad is evil thing when you are upset. I'm the one that laid down the law this morning so DON'T EVEN GO THERE."

EM take PD aside when he comes out to take MBMS to school.

EM whispers: "He's going to try and get you to react. He's mad. Don't respond. Don't let him suck you in."
PD: "No problem."

MBMS stomps around picking up the stuff he needs to take to school with him. He and PD make their way to the car.

Scene fades to black...


Man, oh man, am I glad I have a three yr old who tells me how much he loves me and a trip with Joey to an NC State basketball game tonight to look forward to!

Dodging the Close One: a King Street Players Production

Starring
Joey as SWA (Sir Whines Alot)
Kristin as EM (in this case - not so Evil Mom)
with an occasional mention of Vic as PD (Psycho Dad)

Evil Mom and Psycho Dad run a household that believes in using real names for body parts and answering all reasonable questions kids have without giving too much information for their age. However, like all parents we dread having to answer the BIG questions before an age we deem appropriate.

SWA: Hey mom, you said you were going to go through Gabe's old toys and maybe give someof them away, right?
EM: Yes, I did.
SWA: Are you giving away the exersaucer too?
EM wondering where this is going: I probably will. Even if we have another baby, that will give Grandma Karin something to buy.
SWA: Who are you going to give it to?
EM: One of the ladies who works for daddy just became a Grandma. Her daughter is a single mom. So, we thought we would help out by passing on some of the overload of stuff we have.
SWA: How did that happen? How did she become a single mom?
EM: It just did. She mad some bad decisions, got pregnant, and never got married. That makes her a single mom.
SWA: Well how did she get pregnant?
EM thinks Oh fuck...he's only 8. How do I give him a good answer without giving the whole talk?
EM: That's something that happens when a man and a woman think they love each other. The have a relationship and sometimes a baby is made.
SWA: You mean with medicine or something?
EM thinks SWA has heard more of her infertility conversations than she realized.
EM: No, not with medicine. Women make something called aggs and men make something called sperm. When an egg and sperm come together, a baby is made.
EM think Oh please God, don't let him ask how they come together.
SWA: Ok. What happens if the egg splits in two?
EM breathes a sigh of relief: That is when identical twins are created.
SWA: Cool

What away to start the day. After having this wonderful conversation with SWA...educational without being too educational...EM lived up to her name by reducing SWA to tears by insisting he wear a heavy coat because it was only 32 degrees outside. That gave EM two things to celebrate instead of just one.

***Dear SMCs...the bad choice comment isn't a blanket statement. I just think 8 yrs old is a little young to understand the differences in this girls situation and yours. (Thanks princessoftides for pointing out my oversight).

Evil Mom Rides Again...another King St Players Show

Previous week...*MBMS brings home his mid term grade and only has a 79.87 in math. MBMS is in high level math. MBMS is good at math. It was established that MBMS bombed two quizzes and forgot to turn in an assignment. EM tells him from now on she will have to check his homework and he will study before a test with her.

Flash forward one week...The story opens with *EM enjoying her morning with a large cup of coffee and the computer. *TDB is quietly watching Nick Jr.

Ring riiiiing...

EM: (picks up the phone) Hello
*MrsD: Hello Mrs. Cruz. Do you have a minute to talk to me?
EM: (thinking Oh shit, what did Marty do) Absolutely.
MrsD: I'm a little upset with Marty right now. We have a test today that they knew about since last week. Marty is just sitting there doodling on his paper. He isn't even trying to finish the test.
EM: Well, that just isn't acceptable.
MrsD: I will often let a student finish a test the next day if they have problems completing it in one period. I prefaced this test by telling them that I would do this but only if they are working the whole time. They can't just do two problems and expect to finish it the next day.
EM: (thinking I am going to rip that boy a new one) Of course not, you would be completely within your rights as a teacher to not allow him to finish tomorrow and he will have to deal with whatever grade he gets.
MrsD: (you can hear the relief in her voice that a parent supports her) Thank you.
EM: I would hate to see it ruin his grade but how you handle it is completely up to you.
MrsD: Me too. I can't talk to him about this while the whole class is taking a test.
EM: Of course I'll talk to him.
MrsD: I'll follow up through email or with a phone call. Here's Marty.

MBMS: sounding very dejected...making EM ROFL Hi mom
EM: What happened?
MBMS: I don't know.
EM: Was it something you were having trouble with?
MBMS: jumping at that excuse like it will help Yeah
EM: What did I tell you after you brought home your progress report?

He didn't do horribly on his mid term progress report but he bombed two quizzes and forgot to turn in one assignment and that dropped his grade big time.

MBMS: stalling because he KNOWS he screwed up Uh...
EM: I said you would have to let me check your math homework every night and that we WOULD study together before tests. Did you even bother to tell me you had a test?
MBMS: No
EM: There is no excuse for not telling me and no excuse for not focusing and doing your test.
MBMS: sounding even more dejected I'm sorry.
EM: Sorry won't cut it.
MBMS: Am I getting punished?

Bwahahahahaha...like he's getting out of this scott free...no fricking way.

EM: Your punishment is to deal with the consequences.

Notice EM didn't point out that a bad test grade would result in a bad class grade and, because that grade would be because of lack of effort, he would be punished.

EM: You better hope she lets you finish that test tomorrow because, frankly, I wouldn't. Now go finish what you can and make sure you apologize to MrsD.
MBMS: Bye

click

That afternoon...

EM: after picking up MBMS from school You had better hope MrsD is gracious enough to let you finish the test.
MBMS: I know
EM: A crappy grade on the test will drop your class grade and, because its a case of not doing what you should that earned you that grade, there will be consequences. If you don't get to finish the test, there will be no computer, no electronics of any sort in the afternoon after school.

You should have seen the look on his face...it was priceless.

MBMS: Oooook

Thank God he realized how much trouble he was in and didn't argue because that would have been ugly.

EM: And, whether or not you get to finish the test tomorrow, we will be studying together over Christmas break.

Now I'm just waiting to find out if he got to finish the test today in school. I really hope he learned a lesson.



*MBMS = much beleaguered middle schooler = Marty
*EM = evil mom = me
*TDB = the demon Briel = Gabe
*MrsD = math teacher

The King Street Players present:

The things kids say
EM isn't really evil here...well, maybe just a little.

EM is in the kitchen preparing dinner while MBMS is doing homework.

EM: Oh wow...these are way too big.
MBMS: What are too big?

EM holds up a chicken breast that looks like it came from a mutant chicken.

EM: These are too big.
MBMS: What is it?
EM: A chicken breast...its enough for three servings.
MBMS theatrically moaning: Oh mom...you put such horrible images in my head.
EM: Dude, I was talking about chicken. I didn't make your mind go there.
MBMS: But I'm not old enough for images like that. I still think "IT'S" gross.

EM totally loses it!

MBMS: Whats so funny, Mom?
EM: Bwahahahahahahaha...obviously, your brain is old enough...it went there!

A few minutes later when EM finally stops laughing, she decides to tease MBMS some more...

EM: Hey Marty...
MBMS: Yeah mom...
EM: You know how you want another little brother or sister?
MBMS: Yeah
EM: If we do get pregnant again, guess what I'm going to spend the whole time reminding you of?
MBMS: Eeeeewwwwwwww...gross!
EM: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Scene fades to black.........

Random Thoughts (including a King Street Players mini episode)

Infertility related question...if you were on progesterone, was it suppositories, oral, or progesterone in oil injections? The OB's office I went to while pregnant with Gabe prescribed suppositories. My current OB's office prescribes the oral form. Do you happen to know if one is considered more effective than the other?

Marty got his cast off yesterday. Woohooo! I am so glad he has that off. He would have been impossible if they had decided to leave it on. Vic said Marty was such a boy at his appointment yesterday. Casts get nasty and funky inside no matter how careful you are to keep them clean and dry. After they cut Marty's cast off, he grabbed it and stuck his nose in it and smelled. Vic looked at Marty and said, "Dude, you have a good looking female doctor taking care of you and you're acting like that?" Marty just laughed.

Speaking of boy behavior...Since Marty hadn't been able to clean his foot with the cast on, he got in the bath with Gabe last night so he could soak. Gabe was playing with a little squirt toy and managed to touch his private area with it. Marty said, "Eeew, now you're going to have to sterilize it." I asked him why it was any different than them sharing the water that touched EVERY part of their bodies. He said, "We're boys so it doesn't matter. But, you are a girl and you are touching it. Hahahahahaha." Marty has had the talk and fully understands the idea of reproduction. He's said before, "I like babies. I just don't like thinking about how they get here." I looked at him and just said, "How do you think you got here?" OMG...you should have seen the look on his face. He shriek, "Eeeeewwwwww...MOM! GROSS. The image you put in my head...EEEEWWWWWW!"

King Street Players Mini Episode (featuring the return of Evil Mom)
I recently decided that since we had enough freezer space, I was not going to buy canned veggies anymore. I would either buy fresh or frozen. So, the other week, I made dinner. We had burger patties with rice and gravy and green beans. The green beans were delicious. Here's how this whole transition went down with Joey...
J: "They look weird."
EM: "Thats how green beans are suppose to look. They are frozen..."
J: "Eeewwww...I HATE frozen."
EM: "Joey, I cooked them."
J (sounding disgruntled): "Oh...ok."
EM: "Just eat please."
Joey takes a tiny nibble of a single green bean.
J: "GROSS...when I bit into it, it crunched and was too juicy."
EM: "Thats how green beans are suppose to taste. Just eat 10 of them."
J (whining): "But I haaaaate them."
EM: "You will eat a *'No Thank You' portion. That is enough so you get some vitamins and nutrients but not so much that its torture. You will eat 10."
Much whining and complaining commence. It degenrates into crying along with whining due to Joey's extremely tired state.
EM: "If you keep whining, you will eat 15 instead of 10. If you don't eat it now, that will be your bed time snack. If you don't eat it at bed time, you will have it for breakfast. What are you going to do?"
J (sulkily): I guess I'll eat it now."
EM: "Oh, by the way, since you can't control yourself and are whining and fussing, you will go to bed early."

Once I got past the frustration of the situation, I found it all extremely funny. Hmmm, I think we'll have green beans for dinner tonight.

Welcome to the home of the King Street Players

Today's drama production features the Drama King of Cary...


starring as the much beleaguered middle schooler (MBMS) and his mom...

starring as the eeeevil mother (EM). The scene opens with the phone ringing just as eeeevil mom was getting ready to walk son #2 to the bus stop.

EM: Hello
MBMS (in a pitiful voice): Mom...I just puked.
this child was fine this weekend, was fine this morning and ate a good breakfast
EM: What happened?
MBMS: I just got sick. I don't know what happened.
EM: Marty, you've missed too many days. You were out 5 days because of Grandpa's funeral and you were sick a couple of days. You can't miss anymore.
MBMS: But moooooom, I feel terrible. Please, please, please.
adlib much begging and pleading by MBMS and many refusals to budge by EM
EM: Don't you remember our talk when you were sick last time? If you miss too many more you will be beyond the limit missed for the semester. You said you understood.
MBMS: But Mom, I didn't know I would feel this bad this soon.
EM: You have to stay in school. But, I can bring you medicine.
MBMS: Can't we talk about it when you get here?
EM: No. There is nothing to talk about. If you don't have a fever, you have to stay at school. Your only options are me bringing you medicine or not bring you medicine.
MBMS: (huffily) Fine, I'll see you when you get here.

EM gathers the medicine and loads son #3 into the car.
EM arrives at the school and walks in the office to encounter much begging and pleading by MBMS. MBMS admittedly looks a bit peakish.

MBMS: Mom, I'm dying here. Can't I please come home?
EM: No dear. You can not come home.
again...adlib much begging and pleading by MBMS and many refusals to budge by EM
EM (to secretary): Do you have a thermometer?
EM: If you don't have a fever, you will stay in school.
fast forward a little bit, thermometer shows NO FEVER
EM: Ok...take your medicine and go back to class.
MBMS: You don't car about me. Come one mom, give me a break for once in my life.
EM: I do care...
MBMS: No you don't. You don't care. You don't love me. I'm dying here.
EM: If I didn't love you, I wouldn't put up with this.
EM: The discussion is over, you need to go back to class.
MBMS: Fine, I won't talk to you ever again.

After multiple repeats of the begging and many near bouts of tears, MBMS stomps off as best as he can while on cruches. EM drives home shaking her head and the screen fades to black.

This has been the most recent production of the King Street Players. Thanks for your interest. Check back in on a regular basis and we'll bring you many further episodes fill with teen-age angst, infuriating toddlers, and whiny 7 year olds.