Despite my best efforts to feel better and even convincing myself I was feeling better a few times, I still feel like shit. I am brain dead and have no motivation to do anything because I am exhausted. So, here is another of my I don't give a fuck, random shit of the moment post.
Is it me or does my language descend into the gutters and lower when I don't feel good? People who know me well will tell you this is the way I talk when kids aren't around but I've gotten so use to censoring myself in front of the kids that I do it in my writing too.
Have you ever had a friend that was absolutely wonderful but came from a family of assholes? One of my dearest friends in the world is this person. She is fabulous. If I had to pick a sister, she would be a top candidate. But her family...oh man. I am eternally grateful that she had the strength and fortitude to become the wonderful woman she is. My life would be sorely lacking without her in it. I am flabbergasted that she overcame everything she did. (you know who you are and I love you)
Have you ever heard that Garth Brooks song "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers"? I think my life is a testimonial to that song. Way back when I had delusional ideas of having some high powered career and being married to someone with a high level, white-collared job. I would have been miserable. I love being home with my kids. I love the man I am married to and can't imagine life any other way. I once described him as nothing I thought I was looking for but everything I needed. He is my soulmate and my love. I am blessed. Not to mention the fact that my previous boyfriend's mother would have driven me bat-shit crazy if I had ever married him.
I am so excited. Someone stitched the first Cuppa Joe Designs freebie and it is gorgeous!!!
Gabe spent the day making loud weird noises and saying he was exploding like a volcano. Then he would stand there and start shaking. Once he had my attention, he would say, "Uh oh, the volcano is exploding." That kid cracks me up and brings so much joy and sunshine to my life. It was worth all the hell of infertility to get him in my life.
I think I underestimated how many books I was going to read this year. Somehow, despite the insanity of my life, I've already read 23 books.
I am sitting here at almost midnight, typing this post when I should be in bed. I have the hardest time making myself go to bed when my hubby has to work night shifts. I miss having a warm body to snuggle up next to in bed. So very glad night shifts are NOT permanent.
Its been almost 5 years since I lost my little girl. Most of the loss dates have faded into the background. I actually had to look them up to right my Reflections post. But, I still remember the day I realized we had lost Eva. I guess I remember it so clearly because I thought we had figured out the cause of my losses and I thought she was going to be our miracle baby. I miss her but I am so glad Gabe came along to temper the pain. He is a true miracle and a source of so much joy.
I was hoping some pithy observation or witty rejoinder about a current news item would come to mind but, sadly, all that is coming up is a big fucking nothing. Its hard to comment on current events when you have been to sick to pay attention to them.
All I want to know is why no one has invented a roto-rooter for your sinuses. That would make someone a fucking billionaire.
Good night ladies and germs...I'm going to bed.