"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Monday, March 23, 2009

More random shit from my germ ridden brain

Despite my best efforts to feel better and even convincing myself I was feeling better a few times, I still feel like shit. I am brain dead and have no motivation to do anything because I am exhausted. So, here is another of my I don't give a fuck, random shit of the moment post.

Is it me or does my language descend into the gutters and lower when I don't feel good? People who know me well will tell you this is the way I talk when kids aren't around but I've gotten so use to censoring myself in front of the kids that I do it in my writing too.

Have you ever had a friend that was absolutely wonderful but came from a family of assholes? One of my dearest friends in the world is this person. She is fabulous. If I had to pick a sister, she would be a top candidate. But her family...oh man. I am eternally grateful that she had the strength and fortitude to become the wonderful woman she is. My life would be sorely lacking without her in it. I am flabbergasted that she overcame everything she did. (you know who you are and I love you)

Have you ever heard that Garth Brooks song "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers"? I think my life is a testimonial to that song. Way back when I had delusional ideas of having some high powered career and being married to someone with a high level, white-collared job. I would have been miserable. I love being home with my kids. I love the man I am married to and can't imagine life any other way. I once described him as nothing I thought I was looking for but everything I needed. He is my soulmate and my love. I am blessed. Not to mention the fact that my previous boyfriend's mother would have driven me bat-shit crazy if I had ever married him.

I am so excited. Someone stitched the first Cuppa Joe Designs freebie and it is gorgeous!!!

Gabe spent the day making loud weird noises and saying he was exploding like a volcano. Then he would stand there and start shaking. Once he had my attention, he would say, "Uh oh, the volcano is exploding." That kid cracks me up and brings so much joy and sunshine to my life. It was worth all the hell of infertility to get him in my life.

I think I underestimated how many books I was going to read this year. Somehow, despite the insanity of my life, I've already read 23 books.

I am sitting here at almost midnight, typing this post when I should be in bed. I have the hardest time making myself go to bed when my hubby has to work night shifts. I miss having a warm body to snuggle up next to in bed. So very glad night shifts are NOT permanent.

Its been almost 5 years since I lost my little girl. Most of the loss dates have faded into the background. I actually had to look them up to right my Reflections post. But, I still remember the day I realized we had lost Eva. I guess I remember it so clearly because I thought we had figured out the cause of my losses and I thought she was going to be our miracle baby. I miss her but I am so glad Gabe came along to temper the pain. He is a true miracle and a source of so much joy.

I was hoping some pithy observation or witty rejoinder about a current news item would come to mind but, sadly, all that is coming up is a big fucking nothing. Its hard to comment on current events when you have been to sick to pay attention to them.

All I want to know is why no one has invented a roto-rooter for your sinuses. That would make someone a fucking billionaire.

Good night ladies and germs...I'm going to bed.


Beautiful Mess said...

Awww honey! Feel better soon. I heard the Neti-pot is like a roto-rooter. Just as disturbing as one might think...

rocket.queen. said...

Tempering the pain is the perfect way to put having a child after losing a pregnancy. It really does ease it, even if it can never take it away.

Feel better!!

Jennifer said...

Hi! I'm popping in from ICLW...I second the comment about the Neti-pot. It's absolutely disgusting, but it seems to work. In any case, I hope you feel better soon!

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

LOVEd what you said about DH: "nothing I was looking for, but everything I needed." I relate to this and love the way you stated it!

SO glad you have your sweet Gabe in your life.

Feel better!!

Sheliza said...

hey Kristin, I know how you feel. I really hope you get back to your "normal" self soon :) I have been so tired lately that I can't see straight. I think I am just needing the kids to be off for Spring break so I can rest. We are all exhausted in the Ismail household for sure! Oh yeah, I know how it is for your spouse to work nights. Dwayne used to do that for 5 years (nights only at that). I used to go to bed at like 2 am every night. Now that he has a normal schedule my ass is in bed by 10! I guess my comment might be as random as your post lol! Have a better day today ♥

Nina said...

Sorry to hear you don't feel good. I'm hoping to temper the pain for myself soon, but we're taking a break for awhile. I just decided I couldn't take the pain anymore for awhile or maybe ever again. Hoping you feel better! ICLW

raino said...

feel better soon! spring is in the air.

Tanyetta said...

I love this random post!!!

I am the same way, its like LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE when I'm sick. LOL

p.s. so sweet about your honey and how you feel about him. that's so encouraging to many people I'm sure.

Amanda said...

Yes, I do have a friend who comes from a family of assholes. I keep asking where he came from!! Feel better! ICLW

Chris said...

Hope you are better soon...although I will miss the posts that come from your addled mind.
Love the thought about V.

c by the sea said...

feel better soon! oprah recommends the neti pot too. you can get it at your local drugstore and you fill it with warm salt water. i've never tried it, but it may help.

thanks for your comment on my blog. happy ICLW!

Fat Chick said...

Thank you so much for commenting on my blog, and thank you so much for doing ICLW. I love reading your blog, and keep forgetting (until ICLW) to stop by. You have such a great writing style - I feel like I know you!

I hope you feel better soon!


Carrie27 said...

I also find that I'm quite pissy and have nastiness spewing from my mouth like gunfire when sick. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Michelle said...

Aww I hope you feel better soon. Yes I do know someone who came from assholes...that would be DH. Although some have gotten better over the years it always amazes me that my DH turned out the way he did because when you see his famil you would never have guessed it.

Soralis said...

Hope you feel better soon! Snot that is stuck sucks!

Barb said...

I hope you feel better soon!

I feel much the same way about my husband. It's wonderful. :)

Deb said...

Hope you feel better soon! My language degrades when I don't feel well and unfortunately when I am a fuming mad woman.