Home of the Knob Conqueror and more

• Joey's home and he had a great time. They climbed Raven's Knob and all the first year scouts got their picture taken on the top.
• Joey's camera was acting up a bit so I'll have to get a picture from someone else.
• Gabe is so thrilled to have Joey home and this means he's being wild and crazy.
• Unfortunately since Joey's been away, Gabe's nonsense which would have driven him crazy, he now thinks is hilarious. This just encourages Gabe.
• Joey just got home and, in only 10 days, Marty leaves for a week...going to NOLA for the national Lutheran Youth Gathering.
• Gabe fell asleep leaning against Jennifer at just past 7. It was so cute.

• Did you know that today's stardate is 11207.07?
• I think I forgot to tell y'all that I won tickets to the BlogWorld New Media Expo in Las Vegas in January. I didn't think I would be able to go. I was resigned to selling my ticket. But, super secret negotiations are going on and I'll probably be able to go. And, I'll be staying at the Rio...

• I've discovered one thing that really ticks me off about my Nook. When someone (me) is stoopid and lets the battery die, those almost 300 books that are loaded on the SD card instead of the physical memory of the Nook disappear off the shelves. They are still on the card but all the categorization, all the time spent shelving them, is fucking GONE! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH
• It's almost midnight and still about 85 degrees. If I get my shit together, I'm going to bake cookies in my van tomorrow.This damned heat has got to be good for something.
• We had milkshakes for dessert tonight (thanks for the idea Joey). Here's the recipe...

Mint Chocolate Chip Milkshakes with Oreos
3 large scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream
3 oreos
1/2 cup of milk

1. crush the oreos in blender/food processor
2. add ice cream and milk to the cookies
3. mix and enjoy

PS...this was all done with my hand powered
food processor since my blender died

There Really Is A Little Boy In There

Sometimes it's easy to forget there is really a little boy in there...especially when your kiddo is big for his age. I had a reminder today how much Joey really still needs me.

Today, Joey's Boy Scout troop left for summer camp. It's his first long camping trip with the troop. Sure, there have been a bunch of weekend camping trips but this is the first one that lasts more than two days. Joey has been really looking forward to this trip. He has been so excited about it...talking about the hiking...looking forward to the swimming. Hell, he even started gathering stuff from the packing list by himself. I honestly wasn't anticipating any problems.

But, when I went in to wake him up this morning, he started moaning about how he didn't want to go anymore. He was saying he didn't think it would be fun. This shocked the hell out of me. Sure, before he bridged up to Boy Scouts, Joey expressed concern about camping without me but, once he was in the troop, he loved every minute of it. I thought we weren't going to have to worry about insecurity and homesickness. I was wrong.

I tried explaining to Joey that it was normal to be nervous. He promptly denied being nervous at all. He just said he didn't think it would be fun and what if he didn't like the activities and it had nothing to do with nervousness. Yeah, sure. I did give up on that discussion. I simply told him that the troop had paid for him to go and that meant he was obligated to go. We were not going to waste the troop funds that they graciously helped us out with. Joey was almost near tears and I felt like a total heel insisting he had to go. But, if I gave in, he wouldn't learn anything...he wouldn't grow...he wouldn't develop independence. But, I still felt like shit because I could tell how nervous he was.

Luckily, Gabe came to the rescue. Gabe was drawing funny pictures and ended up totally cracking Joey up. I suggested Joey take one of the pictures with him and, if he wasn't having a good time, all he would have to do is look at the picture and he'd start laughing. Joey asked Gabe if he could take the picture with him and Gabe was thrilled with the idea.

Once Joey had the picture in hand and he figured out I wasn't going to give in, he turned himself around and seemed eager to go again. He jumped right into the thick of it once we got to the meeting point and there were definitely plenty of boys for him to have fun with.

Do me a favor and keep your fingers crossed that he has a good time this week. I want this to be a wonderful experience for my not-so-little little boy.

Trip the Light Fantastic

Y'all, the effort to teach our kids that drugs don't pay has been dealt a serious blow and the blow was frakking hilarious! When we were down at my parents' house, we all went to see Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted together. I honestly can't tell you who liked the movie more...the kids or the adults. I think this might have been the best of all the Madagascar movies. We all laughed so much and, during more than one scene, I was convinced that they has to have been on hallucinogenics to even come up with something like that. As the credits rolled, Marty looked at me and said "They forgot to put one person in the credits...they forgot to include their drug supplier."

As the credits were rolling, Gabe decided he desperately had to go to the bathroom so my dad headed out with him while the rest of us gathered up our stuff. As we walked out of the theater, I heard shrieks of laughter coming from the bathroom...shrieks of laughter that I KNEW were coming from Gabe. I was almost afraid to find out what was going on. Turns out that the shrieks of laughter were my dad's fault this time. He cracked Gabe up when he started doing this "you have to move it, move it" dance while they were drying their hands. I think he must have had a contact high from watching the movie.

I can't even begin to explain how much fun we all had. It really was a trip. And, while the teaser trailer and the second trailer gave you an idea what the movie is like, the true insanity of Madagascar 3 is captures in this Afro Circus Remix...you have to watch it...

In just one moment...

In just one thought...

In just one breath...

In just one moment, your world can change.

Yesterday, I got a poignant reminder of just how fast it can really happen. When I logged on late last night, I saw an announcement that broke my heart. Mrs. TDJ, a lovely woman I met through Monnie's blog, lost the love of her lifetime. On Saturday, with no warning, Mrs. TDJ's husband, her high school sweetheart, passed away.

Like Vic and me, Mrs. TDJ and her husband had spent 20 years together. Unlike us, she now has to figure out how to make it without her soulmate, how to be enough for their son. All of a sudden I got a sense of what it would be like, the magnitude of the loss...

All of a sudden, I found myself thinking, how would I manage if I ever had to live without my beloved. My heart shattered into a million pieces at even the thought of a loss like that.

Even if you don't know her, please keep Mrs. TDJ and her son in your prayers. And, in the mean time, stop and call your sisters...
hug your parents...
love your children without limitation...

make love with abandon...
hold each other close...
tell your partner you love and treasure them...

chase your dreams...
make some memories...
tell stories to your babies...

talk about your fears...
talk about your disappointments...
celebrate your triumphs...

Don't miss a moment of your life because it can all change in just one moment.

Gifts and Glory

I'm sitting here on the night before Easter, the day Christians are truly touched by the Glory of God, trying to remind myself of the many blessings I have in my life, the many gifts I have received from my Lord and Savior. I'm having a lot more success with those thoughts now than I was earlier in the evening.

Earlier this evening, I hit a meltdown point. All my stress over everything that's happened just came to a head and I sat here crying and ranting to Jennifer about how I was so tired of having people I love be sick, how tired I was of not having a quiet, peaceful week in my life since as far back as September, how done I was with all this shit. Truthfully, it wasn't that anything new or different or bad had happened today. It was just the simple, little stuff that pushed me over the edge.

For me, holidays are such an important time. It's a time for tradition, family, and friends. And, when it's such an important religious holiday, that adds another whole dimension to the meaning of the day. I always try to do special things for Easter. We always dye eggs, have a fabulous dinner, and really cool baskets for the kids. This year I fell so short of the standards I set for holidays in our house. We totally missed out on dyeing eggs, I was shopping completely last minute for the Easter baskets, and my house was a mess.

Now, I've tamed the emotional monster that was riding my shoulder and beating me up for all I didn't get done. I am better able to appreciate the gifts I have, the blessings I've received. I have the gift of my family. Sure, there have been health issues and struggles but I have them all with me and we will be together to celebrate Easter. We are blessed to have a roof over our heads, food in the pantry, and friends who support us at every turn. And, we are blessed to have insurance that has allowed us to deal with the health issues and my parents who are insuring we can access the schooling options we need to keep Marty current with his classmates.

Since I've managed to tame the demons  that had me in meltdown earlier and have been able to truly appreciate the gifts I have in my life, I find myself in a much better place to truly celebrate and recognize the Glory and majesty of what Jesus did for us...how his death, burial, and resurrection brought us redemption from sin and everlasting life with God.

Happy Easter to all my Christian friends.

And, I hope all my Jewish friends have a glorious passover.

A little of this and a little of that

• Marty finally saw some improvement of his migraine. He is still hurting and sensitive to light but he can finally sit down in front of a computer without getting nauseous. This gives me great hope that his final IV pain treatment will give him great relief.
• Gabe has been so incredibly sweet lately. He's told me I'm beautiful, that I sing nicely, and that he wants to always keep me safe. My little boy can always make me smile.
• Gabe got sick this Sunday. He was vomiting Sunday afternoon and night and had a fever of 102.5 midday on Monday. But, his fever broke Monday evening and he swore he felt good this am and was desperate to go to school. I didn't follow my gut instinct and let Gabe go. It was a bad decision because, even though he made it through the day, his temp went back up this evening. It never fucking ends.
• Did I ever tell you that when my kids were little, there were times they ate so many fruit loops that they turned their poop crayon green?
• I feel so bad that I haven't been commenting much and I haven't managed to visit most of the healing salons but my brain is fried. I have been trying to keep Marty company but his migraine pain has sort of forced him into weird hours. So, I've been staying up really, really late with him and then getting up early with Gabe and Joey...and, I've been doing this for about 2 weeks now. My reserve is empty and my brain function is hovering just above comatose.
• I found out black jelly beans turn your poop a slightly less vibrant shade of green...especially when the individual in question consumes almost an entire bag of black jelly beans. Don't ask me how I found this out.
• Vic has his second appointment with the bariatric surgery clinic. We're hoping that he can jump through all the proper hoops and get a date with the gastric bypass surgeon by early summer. Maybe this will finally let him beat that bitch, diabetes.
• My parents totally rock. These past two days they have helped me with my sick kids so I could take Marty to the neurologist for his pain treatment.
• My mom's physical therapists think she is slightly demented because she informed them that shoulder replacement be damned, she intended to teach swimming and life guarding this summer so they better get s moving.

What random stuff is going on in your life?

International Women's Day

I'm late to the party today but I couldn't let a day designed to celebrate women pass without notice from me. From childhood one, I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by some of the most amazing women anyone could ever know. And, once I grew up and discovered the wild and wonderful world of the internet, well my circle of amazing women just exploded. I'd like to share a little about some of the wonderful women in my life.

My mom
My mom, Karin O'Donnell, is a truly amazing woman. She's smart, funny, and generous to a fault. She's a brilliant teacher and, not only has she shared her talents in the classroom, but she has spent years volunteering and teaching for the American Red Cross. My mom spent years leading our Girl Scout troops and making sure my sisters and I had every opportunity to become strong, powerful women. My mom has provided just as much support to us as adults. I honestly can't put into words how incredible she is and just how much I love her.


My sisters
I'm lucky enough to have two of the most beautiful, wonderful, fabulous sisters in the world. They are so different from each other but both of them are so very special to me. My sister Keri has faced things in her life that no one should ever have to face. She's not only managed to overcome but has truly grown into a phenomenal woman, wife, and mother. She has done an amazing job with her two gorgeous daughters. They both have such a strong sense of self. And, Keri has one of the strongest faiths I have ever seen. She is unwavering in her belief and, as a result, has been witness to some truly miraculous events. Keri truly wears her heart and her faith on her sleeve and I admire her for it.

Becky is my baby sister and I have to say that I'm so glad my mom didn't listen to my 2 yr old self when I told her that one sister was enough. I often think that Becky doesn't realize just how amazing she is. Becky is smart and has so much love in her heart. Becky has also overcome a lot...things that might make someone pause and find it difficult to trust and believe in love. She hasn't let it stop her. Not only does Becky show her love to her family but she has truly fallen in love with the girls she coaches in basketball. I can't even explain how impressed I am with my baby sister.


My sisters-by-choice
I have a group of the most amazing friends in the world. Jennifer and Kristi and Rys and Pam are so special and dear to me. These are women who know my heart and soul. They carried me through the hell of repeat pregnancy loss and celebrated the joy when we finally beat that bitch and welcomed Gabe into this world. They know my flaws and foibles and deep dark secrets that are better left untold and love me despite or maybe because of all them. They are strong, powerful, intelligent, successful women and my life would seem empty without them.

Jennifer and I have known each other for almost 30 years. We spent high school French class playing with play-doh, singing Christmas carols, and doing work for imaginary classmates. I think we drove our French teacher more than a little crazy.  Jennifer is such an amazing, compassionate, smart woman that the retirement community her bank serves has more loyalty to her than they do to the institution that safeguards their money. She goes above and beyond her job as a banker...she does things for her clients that sometimes they are no longer capable of doing (balancing check books, keeping the one's whose minds are slipping from making disastrous financial mistakes, making sure her clients' families and social workers are aware of their needs). I want to be like her when I grow up.

Kristi is phenomenal. In fact, without her, my husband and I might not have ever gone on our first date (she set us up). Kristi and I have been friends for nearly 20 years (holy shit, has it really been that long?). We've been friends through wild crazy times, through ecstatic highs, and desperate lows in both our lives. I am so very lucky to have met her back in our rescue squad days and I'm even luckier to still have her in my life now.

Rys and Pam came into my life almost 12 years ago. We've been through pregnancies, losses, family disasters, and arguments. These women dropped their lives, packed up their children, and came to take care of me and my family when I needed support the most. That kind of generosity of spirit, that kind of love can't be bought and I am blessed to have them in my life. Hey Pam, I finally got Rys living around the corner from me. When are you, Angie, and the kids going to move to North Carolina?

I have so many other women I want to tell you about, so many other women I love and admire, but this post is getting ridiculously long. I think I'm going to have to make this a weekly feature. That way I can introduce you to all the fabulous women I know and, in many cases, introduce you to their blogs too.

Are they too much like me?

When your kids are little, you can't help but dreaming and imagining what they are going to be like when they grow up. Is he going to have my smile? Is she going to look like me? Are my sons going to get their daddy's sense of humor? Some times you wonder where they got their chin from or whose beautiful, long fingers found their way onto your baby's hand. It's like a daily discovery watching your child grow and trying to figure out where all the facets of them came from.

Even with all the things we delight in seeing in our children, there are inevitably things we hope they don't get from us.  We might hope they avoid getting the crooked teeth or the myopic eyes. We hope that some miracle lets our child inherit grandpa's mellow singing voice instead of our flat as a pancake singing voice. Sadly, and it some cases, thankfully, we don't get a vote as to what our children inherit. It's random chance what our kids get from us.

One thing I never found myself hoping for, never found myself imagining was what if my babies inherit my migraines or gee I hope they get my asthma. Luckily, none of them seem to have gotten my asthma (why do I always hear miasma when I say my asthma).  Sadly, though, 2 out of my 3 kids have inherited my weather induced migraines and this week has been a real bitch for them. I fucking hate seeing my children in pain, especially when I can't make that damned pain go away and I know they got it from me. I think knowing they got this medical issue from me bothers me more than seeing tough personality quirks they might have got from me. Personality quirks can be dealt with. You can learn to work around personality quirks or possibly even learn to exploit them and use them to your advantage. My poor sons can't avoid the migraines since their trigger is the weather, something they have NO control over, and I sure as hell don't see any way the migraines can be used to their advantage. And, it truly sucks beyond belief that I can't make this lovely inherited trait go away.


What characteristics do you hope your kids (current, future, adopted, whatever) get from you and what do you hope and pray they avoid?

My Adventures with Maude

On the road trip I took with my mom last Thursday, I got the chance to use Maude for the first time. *Maude is my parents' Garmin GPS. Maude is also Delusional, a lying bitch, or has a drug habit...possibly all three.

On Thursday, after attending Rachel Simon's meet the author/book signing, my mom and I headed back to our hotel room. I had brought along my laptop because I  needed to work on the slide show honoring the Webelo 2's who were bridging up to boy scouts. There was one problem though...I brought the laptop but forgot the charging cord and the battery life on this antiquated laptop isn't worth shit. So, I decided to head out to the local Wal-Mart and get a replacement charging cord.

I hopped in the car, figured out how to get Maude to search for the closest Wal-Mart, and headed out. Maude's directions to Wal-Mart were fairly simple. I only had to make three turns, one which was into the Wal-Mart parking lot. I made the turn onto the last road and Maude said "3.4 miles until Wal-Mart on left." I was being a good driver and not looking down so I was just listening to Maude. I assumed Maude knew what she was talking about. Next I heard, "Turn left into Wal-Mart in .3 miles...turn left in .2 miles."

I'm looking left and I don't see any Wal-Mart.

"Arriving on Wal-Mart on left."

I still don't see any Wal-Mart. Wal-Marts are pretty damned big. Wal-Marts are pretty fucking hard to miss. I think that maybe Maude has messed up with the distance so I decided to go a bit farther. I crossed over the bridge and still no Wal-Mart on the left so I turned around.

"Recalculating..."

I turned back onto the road Wal-Mart was suppose to be on. Maude still insisted Wal-Mart was on the left...even though I was on the same road...going the opposite direction...Wal-Mart was still on the left. I call bullshit.

As I was approaching an intersection, Maude said "Turn left in .3miles." I happened to glance left as I passed through the intersection...well, fuck me, there's Wal-Mart. I needed to turn there not in .3 miles. I went forward to the next intersection,  turned around AGAIN and, as I turn around, Maude says, "Turn left into Wal-Mart in .3 miles." What the fuck...this must be a magical Wal-Mart...bouncing from one side of the road to the next. Then, as I'm turning RIGHT into Wal-Mart and Maude's map shows me turning right, Maude says, "Arriving at Wal-Mart on left." Holy hell, Maude must be delusional, a lying bitch, or she's been smoking crack.

The next day, we had multiple times that Maude insisted we were turning left while we were turning right and Maude's map showed us we were turning right. Then, on the way to the temple of Ikea, Maude tries to take us through a dead end which butts up against a large ditch because Maude keeps insisting the road continues through there. After we turned around, Maude kept insisting we needed to reverse course and head back to the dead end and Maude didn't believe the road we took to Ikea was really there and she showed us traveling through a great white expanse.

When we left Ikea, once we got onto roads that existed in the world of Maude, she did give us good directions to downtown Charlotte where we met my sister and dropped of my nieces. We left our meeting with my sister, entered my house as our final destination, and Maude gave us good directions back out to the highway. We made one of our last turns before reaching the highway, drove into a sort of valley, and Maude announced, "Recalculating." Since the exact same directions popped back up, we figured Maude had temporarily lost her signal.

We got back on the highway without further drama. We were nearing the exit Maude had us take to Ikea earlier and Maude started telling us to get off the highway. Damn, when Maude was recalculating, she skipped backward to a much earlier set of directions. I reentered my home as our final destination. Maude still told us to take the next exit. That's when the giggles hit both my mom and I. I asked my mom if she thought we should trust Maude...but, the obvious answer was no. We ignored Maude and kept driving. Then we saw the traffic ahead...traffic backing up before we hit the construction zone. Then there was the sign...the DOT sign that was lit up to warn us about the accident ahead...shit, one lane lost to construction, one lane lost to an accident.

Our forward speed dropped to almost zero. Seriously, we were going maybe 1 mph and that turned out to be a good thing because Maude chose that moment to act up again. Once again, despite having acknowledged my home as the final destination, Maude told us to get off the highway at the next exit. The giggles hit again. Maude said, "Exiting highway on exit 42." The giggles got worse. We were barely creeping forward on the main highway and Maude thought we were getting on the exit ramp. We keep creeping forward...Maude keeps showing us going up the ramp...we keep laughing harder and harder. This is why it was good we were going so slowly because we were laughing so hard tears were streaming down out cheeks. That wouldn't have been good at 75 mph.

Then, Maude's circuits must have really fried when the distance between our actual location and where she thought we were got too big because, suddenly, she transported us through thin air back to where we really were. All this did was make us laugh harder. Once we finally calmed down, I told my mom that I thought we should put Maude to bed early and we finally drove home in peace.

I think this is why I laughed so hard in Sunday School today when someone called God and Jesus our moral GPSs.

Short and Sweet

• I had a fabulous time on the road trip with my mom.
• I met Rachel Simon, Barbie Angell, John aka BlindTravel, and a few others. They were fabulous.
• Every author out there needs to take a page out of Rachel's book and check out how she conducts her book signings. They are simply fabulous.
• Loved seeing my sis and her family.
• Was introduced to the wonders of IKEA. I bow before the IKEA altar now.
• I have a very funny story about Maude (otherwise known as my parents' gps). The bitch was delusional, lying, or had been smoking crack.
• I bought 4 copies of Rachel's book, The Story of Beautiful Girl. All books are signed and only 3 have homes. I'll be running a GIVEAWAY FOR A SIGNED COPY OF THE STORY OF BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
• The weather was horrible on the trip home. Near the outskirts of Charlotte, there was an accident right near the beginning of the construction zone. We went about 2 miles in an hour.
• We passed 5 accidents on the way home. 2 vehicles had gone head on into trees in the median. I hope and pray everyone got out in one piece.

Tell me how your day was...what did you do, who did you see, was it a good day.

Road Trip

I'm so excited. Tomorrow, my mom and I are climbing into her car and driving about 3 hours to go to a book signing/meet the author event.  I'll finally get to meet (in person) my dear friend and incredibly talented author, Rachel Simon.

Early in the summer of 2010, Cecily put out the word that a friend of her's was looking for people to review one of her books. I am so glad I told Cecily I wanted in because that's how I hooked up with Rachel. Back then, I got to read Rachel's incredible book, The House on Teacher's Lane. I felt like I got such a clear picture of who Rachel was and I truly could see the beauty of her spirit. I guess she must have liked what I said about the book because we've been in touch ever since and I even got to read and review her current and most amazing book, The Story of Beautiful Girl. I owe Cecily a big one because without her, I never would have found Rachel's friendship.

In addition to getting to finally meet a friend, I get to go on a road trip with my mommy. It will be so cool to get to spend time with my mom without the kids in tow. God, it's been ages since we've had more than an hour or two together. After losing my brother-in-law so suddenly in January, it has become so important to me to grab every chance I have to spend time with my loved ones. It's going to be so much fun.

When's the last time you went on a road trip? Where did you go and who did you take the trip with? Tell me all about it.

Warring Emotions

I had somehow let myself forget just how exhausting an emotionally charged situation can be. Silly me. Sitting here, hours after Jose's memorial service, I am totally and completely exhausted. I feel almost like I could go to bed and sleep for a week.

Today was both wonderful and terribly taxing at the same time. It was so hard for me to see my children and loved ones hurting but it was wonderful to trade stories with other people who love Jose the way we do. And, even though it was a sad occasion, it was truly fabulous to see so many family members again. Man, oh man, were there a lot of family members there. After the service, the family all went back to my mother-in-law's house and it was PACKED.

I wish I could find the right words to tell you how incredible and heartbreaking today was but I'm too damned tired to even think straight. I think the dissonance between these warring sets of feelings was a major factor in the exhaustion. Now, since I seem to be repeating over and over again how tired I am, I'm signing off for the night and going to bed.

Hasta la bye-bye.

Tomorrow We Say Goodbye

I think we all hit a breaking point yesterday. Tempers were short. We argued and yelled and snapped and cried. It was not pretty but I think we all just needed to get it out of our systems because we were all in a much better frame of mind today.

Tomorrow is going to be another tough day. Tomorrow at 1 pm, we will be saying our final goodbyes to my brother-in-law, Jose Manuel Cruz. It will be the end of a very rough week and the beginning of figuring out how to adjust to our new normal.I am hoping I have it in me to stand up and speak during the funeral because I think it would do me a world of good and I think it would do the boys a world of good to hear me talk about their beloved uncle.

My sister Becky and Jennifer are both coming to the funeral with us. Having them there to support us will be good for the kids and will be good for both Vic and me. We truly have been blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family members to support us and, I count all of you among the friends that are supporting us. I have been overwhelmed with the love and support y'all have shown us here. If y'all can do me one more favor, it will mean the world to me. Please think of us and send your support or a prayer our way tomorrow. At 1 pm, we will be at Genesis United Methodist Church in Cary, NC remembering Jose and saying goodbye.


You can read his obituary on the Raleigh News And Observer website.

Jose in Photos

my favorite picture

What Cornfield Did They Come From?

Years ago, when we still lived a few counties over (in Alamance county for those who know the area), we use to make the trip to Cary to visit with my Mother-in-law, father-in-law, and Jose at least once and often twice a month. When we'd arrive, *Jose would usually still be sleeping because of the schedule he kept. At the time, we only had Marty and Joey and after they spent a while with Grandma and Grandpa, they would start hounding them about where Uncle Jose was and when was he going to get up and can't we go up and see him.

Finally, around 3pm, my father-in-law would look at them and say, "It's about time he got up. Why don't you two go wake him up?" And, they'd be off like a shot. It sounded like a thundering herd of elephants going up those stairs and then they'd hit the bedroom door...bang, bang, bang..."UncleJose UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." After which, you'd here a noise, some response, something...but, heaven forbid he'd wait too long to respond with real words. They'd be at it again..."UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." until he came out of the room and made his way downstairs. I don't think it ever took more than two rounds of "UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose
UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." to get him out of bed.

One particular afternoon, Jose was particularly tired and Marty and Joey were particularly loud and insistent. Once Jose made it downstairs, he was shaking his head. He looked at Vic and said, "Those kids of yours...**what cornfield did you get them from?" My husband just laughed and said, "What are you complaining about? We live with that every day."

I think from this day forth, in honor of Jose's memory, my children will be know as the Children of the Corn.


* Jose worked as a bail bondsman in addition to his full time job at Gregory Poole before his dystrophy got too bad.
**referring to Stephen King's Children of the Corn

In The Blink Of An Eye

Just yesterday, my family and I were happily planning on a weekend trip to Georgia. My Grandfather's unit from WWII is having a plaque dedicated at the military history museum and the last living member of the crew is going to be there. My whole family (even Vic was off work), my parents, and my niece were going to make the trip together.

Today, we are planning my brother-in-law's funeral. This morning, 1/9/12, at 9:49 am, my brother-in-law, Jose, was pronounced dead. After an almost 30 year battle with Muscular Dystrophy, his body was finally worn out and the battle was done.

Jose was an amazing man who spent the past 30 years beating the odds. When he was diagnosed with MD at the age of 18, the doctors didn't expect him to live too long. Making it past his mid-twenties was considered a long shot. Well, Jose rarely did what was expected of him. So, he thumbed his nose at the doctors, worked his ass off, and lived to be 49 years old.

Jose was just like all the Cruz males and he had a warped, twisted sense of humor. He was always entertaining to be around and my boys absolutely adored him. He introduced Marty to the online Kill the Teletubbies and the Kill Barney games and he always listened to the stories and tales the kids had to share. But, the Jose my kids grew to know was not the same Jose I met almost 20 years ago. As his body grew weaker, his character and personality grew stronger. A number of years ago (10 years I think), Jose went on a trip that turned into a journey of faith and of personal growth. About a year after he went on that trip, I told him that I use to say I loved him because he was my brother, but now I could say I loved him because he was a person I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. This was the man my children grew  to know and the man they will miss desperately.

This weekend, on both Saturday and Sunday evening, I was over at my mother-in-law's house so I could help Jose and Vic's mom. On Saturday, purely by chance, I had Marty with me for the almost 2 hours I was there and he got to hang out and talk with the uncle he adored. And, last night, I had all three kids with me. They showed off there Christmas goodies, chattered about music, and had a great time with Jose. I am so very thankful they got to spend that time with him even if it does add to the whole unreal feeling Jose's death has invoked...less than 24 hours ago we were talking to him, hanging out with him, and now he's gone.

If there is someone you love, someone important to you, that you haven't talked to or seen in a while, call them, visit them as soon as you can because it can all change in the blink of an eye.

Good bye Jose. We love you and will miss you terribly.

Only 355 Days Until the World Ends

That's right, here we are sitting at the end of the first day of 2012. My house smells divine from the big old pot of homemade turkey soup cooking on my stove.

We rang in the New Year two separate times yesterday. My parents, the kids, Jennifer, and I went to First Night Raleigh for a couple of hours and watched the early acorn drop and fireworks. While we were there, we also listened to a great Scottish band from NC State, saw a whole crowd moving to an awesome drumline, watched a parade with a ton of funky costumes, and had some amazingly good coffee at Crema on Fayetteville St. After the acorn drop, we headed home for a late dinner and settled in to watch some Doctor Who until it was time for Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve. We rang in the New Year at midnight wearing our hats and 2012 glasses with flashing lights...even little Gabe made it until midnight. If y'all are really nice, I might show you just how ridiculous I looked with my flashing glasses over my real glasses.

Once we finally dragged our asses out of bed today, there were a lot of video games played by kids, a bit of obsessive free book downloading by me, and a trip to the local Y for Marty and me. Marty and I have been working out at the Y. Marty's doing a lot of walking at the indoor track because he's trying to build his leg strength back up and I can't ask him to go without going too. So, I've been riding the stationary bike. I'm really hoping to keep up the exercise regimen. My aim is to build my muscles back up and improve my general fitness. If there's any weight loss that goes with it, that would just be a bonus.

Hehe, I noticed something kind of funny when we got back from the Y. As sometimes happens in NC, my daffodils are very confused. We've had just enough warm days that my daffodils are all sprouting and I even have one that is starting to bloom. I kind of want to yell "Nooooo, go back underground. You don't know what you're doing. Those 70+ temps were A LIE."...because tonight it's going into the 30s and tomorrow night we'll be hitting the low 20s...but, then I think the neighbors might really wonder about my sanity if I'm yelling at flowers.

Well, enough of this rambling. I'm going to head off to read a bit and before I go to bed I need to pull the soup off the stove. What's going on in your life? Share with us please.

Kristin vs. the tree

This weekend, we'll be going out to get our Christmas tree. We always wait until at least the second week in December because I have to have a real tree. We tend to make a bit of a production of getting our tree. It's part of the whole Christmas celebration for us. A few years ago, we added a new element to our whole Christmas tree production. We started tying our tree to the wall. Yes, really...we tie the tree to the wall.

A number of years ago, before Gabe was born, we were setting up our Christmas tree. We had this phenomenal tree, about 9 ft tall and super full, and we had a nice, new big tree stand to put it up in. Vic and I had managed to get that big mother up in the stand and we were letting it stand so the branches could settle open. We had filled the stand with water and I finally had a chance to sit down at the computer.

Well, I didn't get to sit down very long. In less than 15 minutes, I heard a shriek from the living room. As I rounded the corner I saw Marty clinging desperately to a branch of the tree. He's leaning back and the tree is leaning way over. I don't know how the hell he kept that tree from hitting the ground, but he did. However, whatever he did to tip the tree emptied at least a gallon of water from the stand onto the ground. It was such a mess. With help from Vic, we got the tree re-situated in the stand. It was once again secure...or so I thought.

Later in the day, it was time to decorate our behemoth. We had almost all of our ornaments on...the Sesame Street ornaments, my imported Italian glass ornaments, the ornaments we got on our honeymoon. The tree was looking truly gorgeous. All that was left was for Marty to hang the Grinch ornament. Now, Marty has a unique tradition with that Grinch ornament. In his mind, it's an ornament so it HAD to go on the tree but it was that mean old Grinch so it needed to be hidden. The problem that year was the way Marty decided to get the Grinch into the inside of the tree. Marty decided to go under the tree and come up on the inside of the tree in order to hang the Grinch in his hiding place. Wanna know how that worked out? *Not too good. Marty went up, the tree went over, and then, the tree hit the ground. All the ornaments save the Grinch were already on the tree and the tree was on the fucking ground. I had horrific visions of broken ornaments and having to undecorate the tree to be able to resecure it in the stand. I think there were only two things that saved Marty's life at that moment...1) only two ornaments broke and neither broken one was special in any way and 2) despite the screws from the tree stand biting deep into the tree when it fell, all it took to get it standing straight and tall again was to rotate the tree a little and tighten the screws again.

At that point, I decided enough was enough. I was going to fix it so that damned tree couldn't ever go over again. I marched out to the van and got the twine that had secured the tree to the top of the van. Then, I went up the hill to our shed and found my drill and to eye bolts. I hauled my trusty two step metal step stool out of it's corner and put those damned eye bolts into the wall studs.  I was standing on the top step of my step stool with the twine tied to one eye bolt. I leaned forward a little bit to wrap the twine around the truck and, that's when it happened. As I was leaning out (just a little mind you), I felt my foot slip. I think my foot must have been a little damp from my trip outdoors to get the tools because I sure as hell wasn't leaning far enough to account for the fall. The foot slipped, the knee loudly popped, and I hit the floor in the one small area I could hit without banging my head. My knee popped so loudly that I thought I had broken it again.

So, there I was, lying on the floor in an immense amount of pain and the damned tree wasn't even tied to the wall yet. A trip to the **ER in an ambulance assured me that my knee wasn't broken. A smart husband made sure the tree was secured to the eye bolts in the wall before I got home. And, the tree stayed upright for the rest of the Christmas season. I think that while the tree may have won the battle, I definitely won the war. To this day, our trees get tied to the wall before even one ornament goes on it. I even learned two very important lessons that day...1) step stools are evil bastards that ambush you when your feet are wet, and 2) the tree never wins.

So y'all, your assignment is to share one ridiculous holiday story with me. Maybe something that makes me feel not so alone in my klutziness. Spill it!

Tasty Tuesday: Happy Happy Birthday!

To celebrate my birthday, I decided that I'd share the birthday cakes I made for T and Gabe's party this past weekend. Gabe specifically requested a Draclea (Dracula in Gabe speak) cake and T asked fora Princess's castle cake.

Both these cakes were made with the chocolate cake recipe from last Tuesday. They were absolutely delicious. If you try out the recipe, let me know what you think?

In Which I Made An Ass of Myself

I didn't have a very good afternoon. You know those cheesy motivational posters that tell you to be the best you that you can be. Well, I definitely wasn't the best Kristin I could be this afternoon. We've had a few things go wrong lately (my van isn't behaving and Vic's also needs a repair & a few other stressful things) and I let it all get to me. Marty and I ended up arguing over me helping him with math (which hasn't happened in ages) and then my mom called. She was returning Gabe's phone call and, when they were done chatting, she got me on the phone. She offered to go to Marty's appointment with me later this week and, instead of being grateful that she wanted to help out, I got snarly and snippy because I assumed she was offering to come because she didn't think I could advocate for my son.

Once we got through dinner and the kids were settled in watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, I called my mom back to apologize. That's when I really started to feel like shit. I could hear the tears in my mom's voice and it made me want to cry myself. My mom truly only wanted to help because she was worried about the car situation and worried because I was so tired. My mom was also hurting because of the physical therapy she went through earlier today and that brought emotions to the forefront. I apologized and apologized again.We had a great conversation and I had her laughing by the end...but, I still feel like shit for reacting the way I did. So I decided I had to apologize publicly.

I love you mom and I'm sorry. I know you only were trying to help. I never want to make you cry.