An Amazing Little Girl

See this beautiful little girl...

Her name is Lizzie and her mom, Jen of In One Ear, is a dear friend of mine. I got an email from Jen today directing me to a new blog she set up for a project Lizzie is spearheading. See, Lizzie wants to raise $1000 for the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation and, for every dollar you donate, she will fold one of those gorgeous little origami cranes she is holding and will write the donor's name on a wing. When she is done raising money, she will have a chain of 1000 cranes with 1000 names to donate to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation along with the money.

I beg and plead of you, I know money is tight. I know a bunch of you are helping me with another project but, dig through your purse or look under your couch cushions and gather up one dollar. Head on over to Cranes4aCure and email Lizzie and her mom Jen (the email address is at the bottom of the post) to find out how to donate that dollar. While you are there, take a minute to click on the follow button. That way, you will get to see a picture of each crane as Lizzie makes them. Help this amazing little girl reach her goal. I have $5 I am planning on sending in...one dollar for each member of my family. Whose going to join me?

Deterred by the darkness

A few hours ago, well before midnight, I sat down with every intention of writing out a thoughtful post about misogynistic legislation that is being pushed by so many legislators around this country of ours. I sat down because I believe it's our duty to speak out against the bile these people are spewing. As I started to type, I got interrupted buy a horrible sound, both a cry and a scream. Poor Gabeycakes, my little 5 yr old had a nightmare. I got him out of bed and he just kept crying and crying. The poor little guy was shaking. He never was able to clearly articulate what was wrong, just that he was scared. He finally settled down and I was able to get him back in bed...but that little emotional rollercoaster just sucked up all my brain power and shut me down for a bit.

Since I'm too brain dead to write terribly coherently about such an important topic, I'm going to ask you to go over to Keiko Zoll's blog, Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed, and read about the ill conceived legislation that our politicians are trying to force feed us. Please, please read her post Um, Why does the government hate women so much? This post is guaranteed to make you angry. It is guaranteed to wreak havoc with your emotions. It's going to take you on a rollercoaster ride. But, this is one rollercoaster ride that can NOT be allowed to silence us. We must be vocal. We must speak out. We must not allow this legislation to be passed.

Now go on...go read it! And, then take the time to spread the word. Tweet it, facebook it, blog it. We have power. We have a voice. And, we must not be deterred by the darkness.

Update on Lola...

I just got off the phone with Wiseguy. I passed on all the prayers and positive thoughts to her and she is extremely thankful for them. She's holding up pretty well but I could hear the tears in her voice a couple of times. I didn't get all the details about why they delivered early (it might have had to do with Wiseguy's blood pressure...she had some issues with that early on I think) but I did get a Lola update.

Wiseguy said that Lola was born strong and apparently healthy (HUGE PLUS) but then developed problems. It turns out the Miss Lola had a small hole in her heart (likely a *Patent Ductus Arteriosus...very common in premature babies) and that caused problems with pulmonary hypertension. The doctors feel that given how healthy Lola was at birth, she stands a very high likelihood of being ok. Lola is on a ventilator. If Lola's hole is a PDA, this is common treatment because this assists breathing and allows the baby to grow and hopefully allows the PDA to resolve itself.

Since I called poor Wiseguy out of the blue, I didn't keep her on the phone too long and didn't get too many details. I am guessing that the diagnosis is a PDA but it could be some other variety of problem (PDA is most likely). As I told Wiseguy, prognosis is often good when these babies are born healthy. Please, please keep Wiseguy and Lola in your prayers. Since she is having trouble with her internet access/blog update, I am going to stay in touch with her and get you updates in as timely a manner as possible.

*Wikipedia actually has a very good page on Patent Ductus Arteriosus if you want to educate yourself about it.

Wiseguy and Lola need us...

I got a message from Wiseguy yesterday. I don't have any details but Wiseguy and Lola need our prayers. Lola is in the NICU and "she is on ventilator and fighting for life." Please go over to Wiseguy's blog Woman Anyone? and offer your support.

My friend...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious little girl.

I have a guest post...

I have a guest post up over at Untypically Jia. So of it is vintage (fairly recent) Dragondreamer's Lair but there is some new material there.  Can y'all check it out and offer up some bloggy love?

She needs our prayers...

Kristin over at Once A Mother needs us. Kristin is finally pregnant again...with twins. Kristin lost her daughter Peyton to infant leukemia when she was 28 days old. 5 days ago, on Peyton's 2nd birthday, Kristin started bleeding a lot. Currently, the twins are okay but Kristin has a large (3.5 inch (9cm) ) sub chorionic hemorrhage/blood clot in her uterus. Her doctors are hopeful things will work out but there is still a HUGE risk. Please go offer her your support.

Perfect Moment Monday: a blast from the past

Lori over at Weebles Wobblog says that "Perfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between."

I recently got to travel through the wayback machine and, thanks to facebook, reconnected with a bunch of people I went to elementary school an junior high with. And, as fun as seeing all the pics of me from elementary school was, the pics were not the perfect moment. The perfect moment was a message I got as a result of reconnecting with these classmates. The message was...

Hey Kristin,
I was really happy to see you on FB and humbled when you sent me a friend request.
I was such a little jerk to you and have thought about that often.
I have raised two daughters and realized (been Taught) how things said by another child can be taken hard.
You look GREAT and so happy.
I deeply apologize for being THAT jerk on the bus. I hope you can forgive me one day.

I think it takes a lot of guts and a lot of insight to come forward so many years later and recognize your childhood behavior for what it was. This guy has grown into a fine man and I'm proud to count him as a friend. Getting this message just made my day.

Go check out the other perfect moments at this week's Perfect Moment Monday on Weebles Wobblog.

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By the way, please take a moment to read my previous post. It covers something that is really important.

Outrage OutLoud

Dave Hingsburger of Rolling Around In My Head has a very important post up. I am going to quote the whole thing here but, if you feel moved to either repost or take action as he asks, I am going to ask that you GO LET HIM KNOW.

IN DAVE'S WORDS...

Warning: This post will be using a quote that includes the 'r' word. It is done only for the purposes of information and without the intent of promulgating the use of the word.

Toronto is less safe for people with intellectual disabilities now that people with disabilities are being defamed as part of the mayoralty campaign. I was innocently watching the news when a poster filled the screen. The poster had a picture of candidate Rob Ford beside a word bubble which said: You’d have to be retarded if you can’t see frickin’ water in front of you. I was brought up short. My heart started to pound and my teeth clenched. The 'R' word has a profound and negative impact on me emotionally.

I've always hated that word, or rather, the use of that word in hateful ways for the purpose of devaluing others. It's a word that is an attack on who people with intellectual disabilities are as individuals and an attack on the minority constituency to which they belong. It's a word that is outrageously harmful and it is used, no matter what people say, with full knowledge and intent. That the word hurts others has also been clearly stated by people with intellectual disabilities themselves, by their families and by the organizations that provide them support. This is not news.

At Vita Community Living Services, we were issued a challenge by our self advocate group. We were asked what we were going to do to make the community safer, to make the community a place where they could go without fear of hearing the 'r' word tossed about. We responded by creating a campaign wherein we distributed the words hit cards to all our members and all our staff, eventually we distributed them to self advocate groups and organizations around the world. We wanted to actively engage those who used the word. Further we developed a version of the card for Gay Pride where we marched for the first time. Our goal was both to confront those who use the word as well as to begin to build unity with other groups who have experienced negative taunts out of the mouths of bigots.

Then comes the campaign for the mayor's seat and because we live in modern times the discussion and debate has become nasty. The George Smitherman camp has decided to use words out of the mouth of candidate Rob Ford to bring him down. As such they created a website with electronic postcards that contain various quotes from the public record said by Rob Ford on various issues. One of the quotes uses the word 'retarded' in reference to signage. This campaign was everywhere. I saw it in the newspapers, I saw it on television, I easily found it on the web. I actually sent the electronic postcard to Manuela, Vita's Executive Director, both so she could see it as well as to find out how easy it is to simply forward this kind of hateful stuff onwards - it's easy.

I was angered.

At Rob Ford for using the word in this manner.

At George Smitherman for choosing this quote to highlight and as a result making the 'r' word so visible, so public, so accessible.

I was angered.

By the media for not bringing a disability perspective to the story. I can't imagine the media, had another word been used to disparage another minority, not interviewing or speaking to spokespeople wounded or damaged by that word.

I think Ford and Smitherman and even the Toronto media believe that we are a passive minority that might be offended but that will be silent. I think that all of us who have justifiable outrage at Ford's use of the word and Smitherman's promulgation of the word will simply shake our heads and go quietly away.

No more silence.

I immediately wrote both Ford and Smitherman. I demanded that Ford apologize for his use of the word and that he 'take the pledge' not to use the word again in that manner. I demanded that Smitherman take that electronic postcard off the site, apologize for choosing that quote and 'take the pledge'. I, of course, have heard nothing back from either side.

Here's where you come into the picture. I have a large daily readership. Many of you are faithful commenters. I would like you to take just five minutes from your day and contact both Ford and Smitherman and if you have time also a note to City Television which has a popular news programme here in Toronto. I'd also ask that you leave a comment here in the comment section to let me know that you've done this. It's a lot to ask. But we have to start using the muscle of our numbers and the motivation of our anger to make our voices heard. Don't worry if you are from outside of Toronto or outside of Canada, the international movement against the 'r word' needs to been seen, felt and most importantly heard. I have this wonderful image of those of you who live in parts of the world that are reading this just after publishing at midnight here in Toronto immediately writing letters, I imagine the Ford and Smitherman people openning their emails in the morning to discover international outrage. I imagine and I hope.

For those of you who have a personal blog, disability themed or not, who are looking for something to blog about, please join in and maybe we can blogswarm this topic. It's inappropriate for public figures to speak disparagingly of any member of the disability community. If you do blog about this, put the link in the comments so we can all visit and get a sense of the length and breadth of our community.

Here's how you get in touch:

Rob Ford who used the word:

Campaign Address
245 Dixon Road
Toronto, Ontario
M9P 3T4

Phone: 416.628.8576

E-mail: rob@robfordformayor.ca


The George Smitherman Campaign who is distributing the quote containing the word:

70 The Esplanade, Suite 201
Toronto, ON
M5E 1R2

T. 416.342.9674

E. info@georgesmitherman.ca

To a media outlet in Toronto:

news.to@citynews.ca

The world needs to be made safe for all - and we are finally realizing that we are part of 'all'.

Thanks 'y'all' for reading, for writing, for protesting, for expressing outrage.

Outrage OutLoud!

I know many of you may wonder why the issue of disabled people's rights is so important to me. Well, there are a lot of reasons. First of all, my brother-in-law has muscular dystrophy. When I think of rights like accessibility, I think of him. And, I have many friends and relatives that are considered a part of a minority. I would be raging if there was a political campaign that used a derogatory slang term for a minority so publicly. Why should I be any more accepting of a campaign that uses a name, a word, that is hurtful to a mentally disabled minority? If this issue affects you in any way, please consider contacting this narrow minded politicians and letting them know how wrong they are...and, once you've done that, let Dave know too.

BlogHer10 in NYC

I had an absolutely phenomenal time and I highly recommend starting your plans for BlogHer11 in San Diego. There was more swag than anyone could possibly need and, at least from what I saw, there was no pushing and shoving and rudeness to get ahold of it. There were opportunities to take pictures with Bruce Jenner, the Jimmy Dean sun guy, Ronald McDonald, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the incredible Chef Jill Houk from Hillshire Farms, Dora the Explorer, Elmo, the Rabbid Rabbit, and so many more.

The parties were incredible. They were all a bit different and they all rocked. The People's Party was a wonderful way to open the conference and I had so much fun helping make tutus for the 5K Charity run, Tutus for Tanner, for Her Bad Mother's nephew. I have to send serious kudos out to the organizers of Queerosphere. It was truly and incredible event. The main Gala on Friday night was awesome and the art that was inspired by all the Voices of the Year nominees was incredible. And, the final parties on Saturday were incredible. The part (off site) sponsored by Eden Fantasys was a blast. It never occurred to me that decorating a dildo could be so much fun. The Sparklecorn ladies did a phenomenal job planning and decorating for the party. I think the t-shirts given away at Sparklecorn were the BEST ones of the conference. There were cardboard cut outs of Mr. Spock (new one), Obama, Darth Vader, and the Dorothy, the tinman, and the scarecrow in attendance. The Darth man even made it over to CheesburgHer. Evidently, he had some sort of accident or party foul occur because he appeared to have some sort of bandage on his head. There were tons of cool hats at the CheesburgHer party and it was loads of fun lazing on the beds that circled the ballroom. I do believe CheeseburgHer is the ONLY place you can order mixed drinks and a McDonald's cheeseburger.

But the thing that made BlogHer for me were all the utterly amazing, totally kick ass women (and a few men) I met. The ladies leading the sessions I went to were open, honest, funny, and touching. I got to meet the lovely ALI ladies, some big name bloggers I've wanted to meet, and many others I seemed to connect with so quickly. I spent time with one of my best friends in the whole world, the kick ass Rys of Confessions of a Clutter Queen. And, I got to be part of something big...something called BlogHer that produces stories like that of Karen and the Blogess's red dress (go read it now, seriously...it is an amazing story of strength and sisterhood).

To put it simply, I'll quote the incomparable Anissa Mayhew "People who say that blogging isn't important can kiss my ass."

Now, I just have to figure out how to afford the travel costs to San Diego for BlogHer11!


PS...I promise pics are coming. I just need to find time to edit them.

The Kindness Within

Ladies and gents (well, I'm assuming there are a few gents out there reading), I had a lesson reinforced today. This lesson is one I know many of us in the ALI community forget and probably need to be reminded of from time to time. I know when we were in the midst of all of our losses, I would mentally beat myself up and heap the blame on my own shoulders. Frankly, it was far to easy to do and not a damned productive way to spend my energy. The brilliant Dave Hingsburger of Rolling Around In My Head said he has "worked really hard for many years towards the idea of safe places and safe harbours, of sanctuary. But what good is a safe place without when there isn't a safe place within?" His work is with and for the disabled but I think we can all learn a lesson here. When we expend so much energy beating ourselves up (often over something we don't control), we are denying ourselves that safe harbor, that place of retreat. Please go over and read about Ruby's Smile and relearn the lesson we all should hold dear.

My friend needs you...

Can y'all offer my friend Rys some support and love? She blogs over at Confessions of a Clutter Queen. She could especially use some support from people who have dealt with/are dealing with depression.

ONLY SUPPORT PLEASE...no criticism for anyone

For all of you...

My friends, please, please go read this post...Turquoise. If you are pregnant, want to be pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or love a person with a disability, GO READ IT. If you know someone who thinks that a diagnosis during an ultrasound is the end of everything or a doctor who thinks he can predict how things will turn out for your child, GO READ IT. Hell, if you care about your fellow man, GO READ IT. It's another amazing post from the incredible Dave Hingsburger.

Support needed for a fellow Land of IF resident...

Hey y'all, Lynn over at Wistful Girl needs our support. Please head on over and let her know we're here for her. Lynn is such a dear, sweet woman and she deserves better than the hand she's been dealt.

It's not just a word

Please, please go read The difference a word can make by Another Dreamer. It is truly a brilliant post.

And, if you haven't read it yet, why not? She NEEDS to be on your reader.

Each and every one of you NEED to GO READ THIS...

Actually, there are two posts by the same fabulous blogger that I really want you to go read. Dave Hingsburger from Rolling Around In My Head is one of the most fabulous writers I have found in a long time. I stumbled across his blog when he participated in ICLW a number of months ago and I've been going back almost every day since then. Dave's writing is so incredible and so powerful and it just grabs you and doesn't let you go. Any of his posts are worth reading but there have been two recently that really spoke to me...Real Life, Real Lessons and What? What? These just beg to be read.

Do yourself a big favor and take a few minutes to go check Dave out.

Let people speak for themselves

Dave from Rolling Around In My Head has a great post about letting people be their own advocates. The post is raw and powerful and I think you are missing something important if you don't read it.

I've kirtsy'd the post in an effort to get it out to a wider audience so, Click Here and then click on the title of the article to vote for it and read it.

Now, GO READ IT!

Oh minions mine...

I have HaBO marching orders. I need you to go cheer Heather of Geek By Marriage on. She is QUITTING SMOKING and, with our help, this should be the last time she has to do this. GO HEATHER!!!

Also, Batty Nurse is giving away one of her fabulous blankets. Go enter her giveaway...NOW!

Finally, there is excitement aborning over at Two Hot Mamas. That's right, little Figgy is on her way. Please go wish them well.

The disease

It's a disease that knows no boundaries and has no respect for our differences. It's a disease that affects men , women, and, yes, even children. It's a disease that crosses the lines of race, sexuality, faith, and class. Sadly, it truly is a disease of the masses. Hell, this disease doesn't even respect the dignity of age. Yeah, I guess that last sentence gave away the fact that I'm not talking about infertility. Today is World AIDS Day. Today is a time to remember the victims of this disease and to promote understanding and the search for a cure. As @Vix_Light said on Twitter today, "Remember your 3 C's: Condoms, COMPASSION and help fund a CURE!"(I saw the quote on Maven's Twitter stream).

PLEASE, PLEASE go read Dave's post I Saw You on Rolling Around In My Head. It is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read and ties in beautifully with World AIDS Day.

All sides of a woman

Sometimes you will hear a song and it really speaks to you. It touches something inside of you. The funny thing is, you never really know what song it will be. One song I have always loved and always identified with is Bitch by Meredith Brooks...

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel
underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived

What I love about this song (besides the catchy beat) is that it talks about women being complex individuals. We are not all good. We're not all bad. You can't tag us with a simple label and expect it to describe all aspects of us.

Infertility has the ability to rob us of many aspects of ourselves if we let it. Our desire for a child, whether it is a first child or a fourth, can become overwhelming and suffocating. Our schedules become all about shots and appointments and cycle days and temperatures and all the minutiae of infertility. When you are immersed in the murky depths of infertility, take a moment to surface. Take a breath and see the world around you. Rest assured, I know you often won't want to. I sure as hell didn't want to when we were experiencing loss after loss after loss. However, I had two other kids whose needs forced me to the surface and that was my salvation. Taking those moments can be a sanity saver, a life saver, and a relationship saver. I know that without my kids, my husband, and my dear friends I would have had trouble surfacing...trouble pulling myself out of the dark depths of infertility. Without all that support, it would have been far too easy to become one dimensional and allow myself to be defined by my infertility. If you find yourself in that place, I can say unequivocally that I will be there to help you pull yourself up and I can bet almost anyone else in this community would make the same offer. Take a moment to surface. Find your inner lover, your inner angel, or even your inner goddess. Find something that lets your mind escape from the depths of infertility and remember who you are. Throw off that label of INFERTILE and embrace the Bitch in yourself.
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BTW, their are two fabulous giveaways that appeal to two vastly different sides of womanhood.

Momfiles.com is giving away a years worth of laundry detergent in concert with Tide. CLICK HERE to congratulate her on her 500th post and to enter to win a year's worth of detergent.

After you stop at that giveaway, go over to Sticky Feet Reviews and enter the giveaway for a lovely Emery Lin handbag from Foster Kade Designs.

Giveaways Galore

Jen over at In One Ear has been having an average of a giveaway a week lately. Go check out her latest giveaway - a Jiffy Lube gift card. The contest is open until Friday. BTW, be sure to follow her because there are more cool giveaways coming up.