Vic's Story...the wrap up...

WHAT?!?!?!? I can hear that yell from the corners of the blogosphere. How can we be at the end of Vic's Story (click on the bold link to catch up...the starting posts are at the bottom of the page)? Well, y'all, where his story ends, ours begins and we are pretty much at that point. Once PBH, destroyed her life, the chaos in Vic's life became a dull roar rather that the full on storm it had previously been. PBH still tried to maintain some influence over Vic...or at least stay involved with Vic...but, he wasn't interested.

Even though the crazy women had been eliminated from his life, it took a while longer for Vic to get over the mental damage they had inflicted on him. And, while I could intellectually understand that, there were moments it cause strife between us. Despite the fact that we had talked about getting a place together when my lease expired, he retreated at the last minute. Even though my head understood, I was definitely hurt by that. And, even after we did finally move in together, it took a while for him to be ready for marriage. I knew from the beginning that I was getting involved with someone who had been battered and bruised by love but knowing it and living it can be vastly different things. I am very glad I stuck with it because our life together has been amazing...never easy but amazing nonetheless.

And, for those of you hooked on Vic's Story, don't worry. There are plenty of stories that can be told via the wayback machine and there are all the stories of our life together. I think I can keep you entertained for some time to come.

Vic's Story...a side trip in the wayback machine...

Two things about this story...1) it does not have to be read in context with the rest of Vic's story. It just strikes me as very funny and I wanted to share the laughs. 2) For any of my friends in the ALI community, this story does deal with childbirth (admittedly in a slapstick sort of keystone cops manner) and, if you are feeling fragile, you might want to skip it...
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I was reading Lollipop Goldstein's post about the ginormous black snake yesterday and it reminded me of a story...

Very few things scare my husband. He is the crazy type who actually considers running into a burning building as good, wholesome fun. Vic use to be scared of needles, snakes, and childbirth. Diabetes has cured him of his fear of needles but he is still, to this day, absolutely and completely terrified of snakes and childbirth. I have personally seen him swerve across a road to avoid the little snake...not because he wanted to save the snake but because it scared him that bad. He also almost shot himself in the foot one time because he looked down, saw the snake, and his brain screamed "Kill it" but forgot to notice his foot was only inches away.

As amusing as that is, it's not half as funny as his EMT delivers a baby in an ambulance tale. Vic's fear of childbirth was legendary in the rescue squad. The man could handle blood, guts, and torn limbs but he couldn't even sit through the childbirth training film during EMT class. Well, a few years before I met him, Vic was on duty as an EMT at the Rescue Squad we met at years later. Vic and his partner were the last ambulance available in the county and a call came out for a women in labor needing transport to the hospital. Vic had to go. They arrived on the scene to find, ummmm, let's call her Roberta (but, yes, he still remembers her name after all these years), 9 months pregnant, having delivered multiple babies previously, fully in labor. Delivery seemed imminent. Since Vic was the more experienced EMT on scene, he had to be with the patient...a women fully in labor...and he was scared shitless. One of the things all EMTs have to do is call in to the hospital when we are en route with a patient. This is how it went...

Unit 1532: Vic's voice sounding shaky XYZ Hospital, XYZ Hospital, we are en route to your facility with a 9 month pregnant patient fully in labor, contractions are 3 minutes apart. pause

XYZ Hospital: noting shakiness/fear in the voice coming over the radio Unit 1532, is everything ok?

Unit 1532: Vital signs are good but...what do I do now?

an aside to note that the hospital KNEW Vic was fully trained, the patient KNEW he was fully trained

XYZ Hospital: realizing exactly which EMT is in the back of the ambulance with the laboring patient...snicker...snicker...Well, Vic, you need to check for crowning.
Unit 1532: audible gulp...baby is crowning...silence follows...
XYZ Hospital: Well Vic, it looks like you are going to deliver a baby.

Vic, my dear, darling Hispanic husband with swarthy olive skin goes white as a sheet...

Vic: Jo (his partner), STEP ON IT.

Sadly, while this sped up the ambulance, it increased the bumpiness of the ride. Every bump, every pothole, every railroad track made Roberta feel like the baby was coming that much faster.

Roberta: The baby is coming.
Vic: begging with the best of them...Roberta, please don't push. Please. It's only a little while longer. Please...
Roberta: Almost laughing between contractions Vic, I've got to push. This baby is coming and it's coming now...

Unit 1532: XYZ Hospital...she says she has to push...
XYZ Hospital: Well Vic, then it's time for you to catch. Call us back if anything changes.

about 15 minutes pass

Unit 1532: XYZ Hospital, we are now en route to your facility with 2 patients. Baby girl was delivered at 11:32 am. pauses and then wails with rising panic What do I do now?
XYZ Hospital: by this time, the nurse manning the radio knew Vic and his fear very well  Well Vic, you need to clamp and cut the cor...
Unit 1532: interrupting Do I have to?
XYZ Hospital: knowing the ambulance was only 5 minutes out...snickering...No Vic, we will have a doc from labor and delivery standing by at the ambulance entrance. Come on in.

the ambulance arrives at the hospital and the labor and delivery doc is waiting on them...The l&d doc clamps and cuts the cord and thoroughly checks over mom and baby.

L&D doc: Roberta, you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl and you seem to be doing fine. turns and looks at my white as a ghost husband who looks like he could keel over at any minute and says Vic, do you need something?

How funny is that? Mom and baby are fine and the poor EMT almost needs a stretcher of his own.

Vic's Story, part 6...

Welcome back to Vic's story. Sorry there was such a long gap between part 5 and part 6 but life got in the way. It was hard to focus long enough to write anything semi-coherent. One note about the time frame here...when Vic moved into the house with the psycho bitch from hell (PBH for short) that was the start of his one year legal separation from his ex-wife, M. At the end of part 5, when we met, he was about 7 to 8 months into his legal separation. Yes, PBH had wreaked that much havoc in that short a time.

How we met, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

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When we last left our intrepid hero, he had just met the love of his life...ME! With the help of a dear friend, we quickly went on our first date and there was no looking back. When Vic spent that first night with me, it was the first night in a long time that his gun wasn't at his bedside. And, as he spent more and more time at my place and less and less time around PBH , that gun and the bullet with his name on it faded into the background. Within a month, we were talking about the holidays and how we were going to spend them. But, with Vic's track record with women, he wasn't ready for anything serious even when it was staring him right in the face. All he could agree to was taking it one day at a time and I was more than willing to accept it. Hell, if he'd jumped right back into swearing his unending love, I would have questioned his sanity. You'd think that it would be time for a little peace and quiet in Vic's life but you couldn't have been further from the truth.

See, despite the fact that PBH had gone back to Amy, she didn't want Vic to go. And, since PBH was so desperate to keep Vic in that house and paying half more than half the bills,she jumped to some conclusions that could have cost Vic his livelihood. See, PBH knew Vic was in charge of training the new wreck team members at the rescue squad and she also knew one of the young, hot female firefighters, Kay, from the town was a new rescue squad trainee. And, Kay also happened to work the same firefighting shift as Vic and was occasionally on his crew. PBH also knew there was a new woman in Vic's life but had no idea as to who it was. PBH put two and two together and came up with a totally wrong answer. PBH assumed Kay was the new woman in Vic's life. And, as Vic spent more and more time with me, PBH assumed he was spending it with Kay and she began to get desperate. PBH couldn't afford her house, her car, and all the other goodies Vic had financed without Vic and his salary supporting more than half the household. In an effort to keep the gravy train going, PBH decided to chase Kay away from Vic.

Now y'all have to remember that PBH was a cop. Scary thought that...she was allowed to carry a gun. Both Vic and Kay had started their careers on the police side of the public safety officer equation. As the town got larger and the call volume grew, it no longer paid to have cops who were cross-trained as firefighters. When the departments fully split, Vic and Kay had both gone full time fire and PBH had remained a cop. Like many of the newly minted full time firefighters, Vic was still a reserve police officer meaning he maintained his training and certification and could be called on in emergencies and could pick up extra shifts here or there to earn extra money.

One day, when Vic and Kay were both at work, PBH decided the time was right to try and scare Kay away from Vic. On this day, Vic was acting captain and was inside doing all the lovely paperwork that went along with that job. PBH showed up at the station Vic and Kay were working at and, when she pulled up and saw Kay out back and no one else in the immediate vicinity, PBH jumped out of her car, pulled her gun on Kay, and told her to "Stay the hell away from him. You can't have Vic." Well, luckily for Kay, a few of the other firefighters were in the bay (garage area) and overheard the confrontation. The appearance of others took the steam out of PBH's confrontation and she turned tail and ran. The first Vic heard about any of this was  when Kay and the others told him they needed to file a report.

Once the report was filed, the shit hit the fan. PBH was a sworn police officer who had pulled a gun on another town employee on town property. While the event was investigated, PBH was placed on paid leave of absence. Everyone who had been at the fire station when the incident went down were called in to answer questions...and Vic was called in time and time again. See the whole reason Vic had opted to become a full time firefighter when the departments split instead of staying with the police department was because of who the police chief was. The same son of a bitch who refused to grant Vic time off when he was married to M and desperately needed it was still in charge when the departments were splitting. Vic and that man never saw eye to eye and, since Vic wasn't willing to brown nose and ass kiss his way up the ladder like that chief expected, his career was at a stand still in the police department. This same chief was still in charge when the PBH gun incident went down and he decided he didn't believe Vic when Vic said he was unaware of any of the chaos of the gun confrontation. The police chief pushed and pushed the issue. He even had Vic undergo a polygraph exam to try and prove Vic was lying to protect PBH and, if that had been proven, Vic could have lost his job as a firefighter. Luckily, he was never able to prove that untruth. Vic had his reputation for honesty and the polygraph results to support his story.

In the end, PBH had destroyed her own life instead of saving her lifestyle. She confronted the wrong woman, confirmed Vic opinion that she was truly a psychotic bitch, and lost her job as a police officer. I'd like to say I rose above my baser instincts and felt some shred of sympathy as I watched her life crumble around her but I'd be lying.  The bitch got a small fraction of what she deserved for the chaos and destruction she left strewn around her.

PBH and her toxic influence started to fade into the background but she didn't disappear from the story entirely. That wouldn't happen for some time to come...

To Be Continued...

Vic's Story, part 5...

How we met
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Although Vic had taken up residence in that dark pit called depression, somehow he kept going. I guess one of the ways he managed it was to spend as little time as possible at home. Between his full time firefighting gig, the part time dispatching position, and his volunteer work at the rescue squad, it wasn't too hard to avoid the house and the psycho bitch from hell who owned it. But, PBH took advantage of his absence and had Amy coming over all the time. They would eat the food he bought, drink any beer that was left around, and didn't think twice about it. Pretty soon Vic wised up to that and at least managed to cut off her beer supply. The only time he brought any of that home was when he and his dog, Leipzig, had a *pizza and beer party scheduled. Sadly, he didn't think to lock up his financial records and PBH used his frequent absences to help herself to his credit card information and ran up about $20,000 of debt in his name in a really short period of time. When Vic became aware of that he thought about pressing charges but,he decided not to for two reasons....1) because of the living arrangements and relationship history, it would have been hard to convince any DA there was really a case and 2) I mentioned PBH was a cop, right? Well, charges like that would have terminated her job and, frankly, without that job, the house was gone and Vic just didn't want to deal with moving.

When you are that far down in the dumps, it's hard to find the motivation to make any major changes even if it's just kicking a psycho bitch to the curb. But, in his quest to avoid the house, Vic made one change that eventually led to the doorway out of the hell hole he'd been living in. Vic took on the responsibility for training the rescue squad members who wanted to work on the wreck truck. This added responsibility around the rescue squad meant Vic was spending more and more time there. He was pulling extra duty shift and came in frequently to meet new members for training. It was during one of those extra duty shifts that we met. Well, not exactly met, because we had both been in the building for meetings and events at the same time before, but it was the **first time we actually got to talk and get to know each other.

Although that day was the start of our story, it definitely did not mark the end of Vic's story. It would be over a year until Vic and I moved in together...a year in which PBH continued to wreak havoc both with Vic's life and (almost) with his career. See, PBH may have decided to go back to her former lover but that didn't mean she wanted Vic to move on....

To Be Continued...

*For any of you who are worried, the dog stuck to pizza.
**click on the how we met link for more details

Vic's Story, part 4...

When we last left our intrepid hero, Vic and M were finally legally separating, he was dating a fellow police officer, and he was getting ready to look for a place to live. Vic and his little woman in blue, otherwise known as Cheryl the Psycho Bitch from Hell, had gone out to eat one night and he was talking about needing to spend his upcoming day off looking at rental places. The Psycho Bitch from Hell or PBH for short batted her eyes at him and said "Since we've been getting serious and have been dating for a while, I thought maybe you'd like to move in with me. After all, I own my house." Now Vic, even though he'd deny it, is a hopeless romantic at heart and when he invests in a relationship he doesn't hold anything back. So, the next few weeks were spent preparing to move in with PBH. Vic decided that since he and PBH would be starting their life together that they should start it with some new things for the house. Vic bought a new bedroom suite and a kick ass stereo system for the house. PBH even talked him into cosigning on a loan for a brand new Mustang for her to drive. Move in day came and that's when PBH started showing her true colors. When Vic got there, PBH announced "I'm not quite sure I'm ready for this. Why don't you move into the room down the hall?" So there Vic was. He had a place to live with a backyard for his dog and was relegated to the spare bedroom with the second hand furniture while PBH enjoyed the new furniture in her room. But, Vic still took her statement at face value...she wasn't ready YET. They continued going out, having fun, and he continued taking care of her and paying for all kinds of things when she screwed up her money. PBH helped herself to Vic's credit cards whenever she felt the need. PBH definitely had a sweet deal going.

A few months later, PBH got injured during physical fitness at work. Because of typical workman's comp bullshit, there were questions about whether the injury was covered and, if it was covered, how much they would pay. Despite the sudden cut in PBH's income, the household still had bills to pay. So, Vic stepped up. He was working full time as a firefighter (when Chapel Hill split the PD and Fire Department, Vic went with firefighting) and was putting in full time hours at his normal part time job, 911 dispatcher. The poor man was working his ass off to make sure the bill were paid. Mean while, PBH was recovering from her injury and started running all over the place with friends while Vic was at work. Sure, they still managed an occasional night out or an occasional dinner in together but she was out having fun while he was working. One evening, Vic finally got home to spend a quite night in, just hanging out with PBH. PBH had another agenda planned. Vic was greeted with the pronouncement "You are gone too often. We don't ever get to spend time together anymore." He was kind of dumbstruck. PBH knew he was working to cover the bills. She continued "I can't stand not having someone around so I've gone back to my ex-lover and her name is Amy." Vic was stunned. He'd given PBH everything. He thought they were trying to build something together. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she was so upset about him working extra FOR HER that she went back to her ex.

This started a spiral that Vic almost didn't recover from. His first two wives had left him for other men. His current significant other left him for a woman. If you thought he was burnt out and cynical after his second marriage broke down, well honey you haven't seen anything yet. He drank too much. He smoked way to damned much. And, he never went to bed without his gun on his bedside. Vic was definitely at the bottom of that deep, dark pit known as depression.

To Be Continued...

Vic's Story, part 3...

As we ended Part Two, I mentioned that it wasn't long before Vic's obsession affection for women in uniform reared it's head again. When Vic left the field work behind, he returned to North Carolina and the type of work that (years later) brought us together. Vic started working as an EMT for an EMS transport service. They did everything from short across the city transports to out of state transports. That's where he met M who was destined to be wife #2. M was a California girl who somehow ended up in North Carolina working EMS. Through the hours spent working together, their relationship grew and they decided to make it official. Vic was 23 when they got married. Around the time they got married, they stopped working together. M got a job with one of the first fully paid paramedic systems in North Carolina and Vic went to work as a public safety officer in Chapel Hill. As a public safety officer, he was primarily a police officer but he was cross trained as a firefighter and did regular rotations in the fire department. For a while, everything was fine but, when you have 2 people working high stress jobs with rotating schedules, the tension in a marriage can quickly reach a flash point. When they started having problems, Vic tried to take some time off so they could work on things. But, the PD showed their typical lack of sensitivity and denied him the time off. It wasn't so very long after that M confessed to having an affair and the man she happened to be sleeping with was the fire department captain Vic was assigned to work with. Although that was the end of their relationship, that was not the end of Vic's and M's marriage. Their finances were completely intertwined and, on the limited salaries of government employees, it would take a few years to separate everything. Those few years were emotionally rough on Vic. He was burnt out, distrustful of women, and rather cynical about anything positive in life. He was drinking too much and taking unnecessary risks when he was on the streets as a cop. Luckily, he survived those stupid risks. While they were separating their finances, M continued to date/sleep with the fire department captain and Vic dated a few women. One of those women was a fellow police officer (the whole women in uniform thing) and, around the time Vic and M filed the legal separation paperwork, things seemed to be getting serious with this fellow police officer. But, that's the next part of the story...

Vic's Story...

Back when I was participating in the A to Z blogging challenge, I told a bit of the story of how Vic and I got together. I ended up getting a bunch of requests for the rest of Vic's (and my) story, so here we go.

What would you say if you found out a friend was dating a man who had been married twice, *his divorce from his second wife wasn't finalized, and he was sharing a house (house, not bedroom)with another woman? What kind of odd would you give that relationship of lasting even one measly year? I know I wouldn't stake any money on it but that is exactly the situation I was in almost 19 years ago.

You know how some women have a thing for a man in uniform? Well, Vic has always had a thing for women in uniform. Back when Vic was in his late teens/early 20s, he was a member of a rescue squad here in Cary. That's where he met Debbie Ann aka Wife #1. He and Debbie Ann were both volunteers and one thing led to another. They got married at a very early age and,  like many early marriages ruled by passion, there wasn't smooth sailing. Vic took their vows very seriously but, Debbie Ann, not so much. Debbie Ann, now promoted to Cheater #1 didn't seem to want to limit herself to one man. Vic tried for a while to make it work but it was hopeless. When he finally decided it was over, he started making plans to go int o the army. Vic's dad had made a career in the army and Vic thought following in his footsteps would be a good way to escape the mess of his first marriage.

Debbie Ann was pissed. Despite not wanting to limit herself to only Vic, she was pissed off that he was the one to end it. From everything I've heard, she was a spoiled brat who thought she deserved what she wanted when she wanted it and the split wasn't in her plan (at least not the way it went down).The news of Vic's plan to go into the military made it's way back to Cheater #1. Since Vic wasn't living there anymore, he doesn't know what her reaction to the news was but we do know what went down later.

Shortly before Vic went down to sign the papers to go into the army, his dad took him aside. He reminded Vic that when it came to spousal support, the military didn't care if you were separated. If you were divorced when you went into the military, your ex is not entitled to anything but, if you were only separated, your soon to be ex would be entitled to half your salary (and retirement). When Vic was reminded of this policy, he decided to postpone going into the military. He was at a bit of loose ends. With the military at least temporarily out of the picture, he was casting about for a direction to go.

In the interim, he was hanging out with friends. And, one day a few of his friends came to him with news that couldn't be ignored. Evidently, Cheater #1 totally lost her shit when she found out Vic wasn't going into the military after all. It seemed like she had already made plans to spend that spousal support she would have gotten if joined the army. In fact, Cheater #1 was so pissed off that she took a contract out on Vic. Yup, she hired/tried to hire someone to kill him. I guess she figured if she didn't have the spousal support to look forward to, at least she would get the life insurance he carried from when he was on the rescue squad. With Vic made aware of her plans, she was thwarted and Vic was able to move on with his life. He did end up doing work that took him out of town but it wasn't with the military.

To Be Continued...

* NC requires a year of legal separation before the will finalize a divorce.