The Grass is Always Greener?

Hi all!
I am Rachee from the blog Say it Rah-shay. Kristin is at BlogHer and asked if I would write a guest post. Last week I kinda sorta jumped the gun and posted earlier than I was supposed to. Fortunately I was offered the opportunity to post again and jumped at the chance.

Total self promotion: If you like what you read, take a looky loo at my site, on 'the' Twitter or like me on Facebook.

Now then:
Through the magic of Netflix streaming I have been watching Mad Men, the AMC drama that shares the tortured existence of advertising executive Don Draper. So far I am not convinced that this show lives up to the hype that has earned it nineteen Emmy nominations but I am also a woman who thinks Pootie Tang is the height of hilarity. In spite of my lack of taste I have been continuing to voraciously watch each episode so that I can keep up with the shenanigans of the Sterling Cooper gang. If you haven't seen the show I won't spoil it but will share that Don eventually divorces his perfect wife, Betty Draper, after years of an unhappy marriage.

In one episode Betty sees Don out on a date with a young woman and boy of boy is Betty pissed. Later she tells her friend Francine that she ran into Don and that she "misbehaved," Betty confesses. She also feels that Don is "living the life," she explains. "He doesn't get to have this family and that." Francine cautions her to be careful. "Don has nothing to lose, and you have everything," she says. Later in the episode Betty realizes that she does indeed have everything.
Watching this episode made me think about that time way back when my ex and I separated. Although I was the one who initiated things it seemed as if he thrived while I weeped miserably and tried to figure out what and where I was headed. It always seemed as if The Ex was living the high life. After our break up I moved out of our home and back with my mom. Later I realized that the time I spent with my mom was exactly what I needed to get my head back together but at the time all I could think was that my ex was having all of the fun. Yes, I was a grown woman (with my own kid!) but I was living back home and whether I liked it or not there were some courtesies I felt I had to observe. When I started dating again there was no staying out all night, there was no bringing him back to 'hang' and it just felt like I was some teenager again. Meanwhile The Ex seemed to be living the life of Riley. He was kid free and mom free and it seemed as if he was just free to be him. The Bee would wax excitedly about the things they would do when they were together, the places they would travel and it just seemed like fun, fun, fun. Meanwhile life for me seemed to be majorly sucky.

Admittedly I was not in a good place. I was distraught over not being married, work was not going well, and I was just, well a hot mess. During this period of my life it seemed that everything that I touched fell apart yet The Dad seemed to thrive. Eventually things got better for me. I got my gig at the library, developed a great relationship with my mom, have a closer relationship with my child and met my dude. But to be honest there still seemed that The Ex's life just seemed better.

Watching the anguish in Betty's face as she sees Don out with another woman makes me think of the time The Ex admitted that the woman our daughter told me about was more than a friend. In fact they were seriously dating. I can remember feeling totally distraught. Despite not being 'together' it still felt unfair that he should just sail through our breakup totally unscathed. It seemed unfair that he sorta had a glow and a spring in his step when he went would come by yo pick up our kid. While I realize that life is unfair there was nothing that I wanted to do more than to get a chance to even the field.

Now that I am in a better place I realize that I too have what I need. A wonderful (at times) relationship with my mom, a closer relationship with my kid and a job that I love. Talking with The Ex, it seems that the tide has turned. I cannot say more; that's his story to tell. What I can say is that I am loving where I am and do not care what it looks like from across the fence.

Enjoying my lawn,
-r

Be an Asset to the Collective

Greetings! I am excited to be guest posting here today while Kristin is living it up BlogHer '11! I'm Kathy from  Four of a Kind  (formerly Three of a kind working on a full house...) and I write about my family's five year journey through secondary infertility and loss, as well as parenting and life since then. I wish I was with Kristin and so many other awesome bloggers in San Diego right now, but since that was not to be this year, I was honored when Kristin asked me to write something here on Dragondreamer's Liar.

Last weekend I had a really bad day in my little corner of the IT world, as I shared about in this post. It took a few kind and clever guys from iYogi tech support in India, a few hours of my life and a lot of "good karma" to help me get our home computers running well again. Late last Sunday night, while I was watching one of the iYogi tech support staff work his magic, as he remotely controlled my desktop and laptop computers, I decided to see what was happening on Twitter.

As I scrolled through my Twitter-feed that night I happened to notice an interchange between Kristin (from the wonderful blog you are on right now) and Kym (from The Smartness) and decided to join their conversation... Kym was sharing about it being the last night before she returned to school (she is a teacher) and Kristin had quoted non-other than Soul II Soul's "Back to Life," taunting Kym (with love) about it being time to return to reality! Kym teased Kristin about getting that song stuck in her head and then I proceeded to share some of my favorite Soul II Soul tunes to add to the soundtrack on instant replay spinning around in Kym's head as she tried to wind down on the eve a new school year.

In our tweeting back and forth that night, I asked Kym if she knew of my favorite Soul II Soul song called "Get a Life" (see the lyrics below).

This thing called life
know what’s the meaning of the line
tell me
well it’s like dreaming of your goals , ambitions feeling free
achieve what
what’s in your minds eye
this is what you should gain
Satisfaction becomes a shinning example
a test of a sample of a new race
that has ample supply of positivity
you mean flow
well like electricity
so
you see a clear way with no ambiguity
don’t you know

Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
Elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control

Well don’t be afraid to experiment you know umm
go ahead you know and implement your ideas
your notions put them in motion
like the words the funki dreds have spoken to you
so listen up loud and clear
this is a word you must be aware of
What ya gonna do put it in your life tool

and that's the meaning of life
Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
And it goes on
Elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control

So there it is work it out for yourself
yeah , be selective be objective
be an asset to the collective
as you know you have to get a life

Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control
ah yeah

Kym replied to my tweet by quoting a line from "Get a Life." Then I shared my favorite line from the song, "be selective, be objective, be an asset to the collective." I have always thought that was such an inspiring and profound statement. I have also pondered what it means for me to "be an asset to the collective."

As a blogger, especially in the Adoption, Loss and Infertility (ALI) Community, I believe that there are so many ways and opportunities for me (and all of us) to be an asset to our collective group of those who have found that our journeys to build and/or expand our families have not played out the way the hoped or dreamed that they would.

I am grateful to Kristin and so many other bloggers who have reached out to and supported me on my journey through infertility and loss over the years. Though so much of why I choose to write and share about my life and experiences on my blog is for me, I do really appreciate the chance to receive validation and feedback from others who understand and can relate to what I blog about. I also find it an honor and privilege, as a "wounded healer," to try to reach out to and support others in our "collective."

How about you? What does it mean to you "to be an asset to the collective?" How do you feel that you are an "asset" to our ALI Community and/or the other groups that you are part of and contribute your time, talent and treasure to in your life?

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on this post. Thanks again to Kristin for inviting me to be here today. I hope that you are having a wonderful time at BlogHer `11 and can't wait to hear (and read) all about it!

Whether or not you have been over there before, I would love for you to please visit me at my blog Four of a Kind anytime. I really appreciate your comments and feedback on what I wrote here today, as well as on my blog entries over there any day!

Guest Post: Young Readers Day

Hi all!
Kristin is going to BlogHer (lucky duck!) and asked if I would do a guest post. After squeeing and feeling pretty good I worried about what to write. After I looked through what was in draft on my site and found NOTHING that I wanted to share. Finally, I decided that I wanted to share this post that I wrote way back in 2008 about a bizarre holiday called Young Readers Day. Confession, when I started blogging I didn't know WHAT to write about so I found a few websites and a calendar that shared weird and crazy holidays and had at it. Now I don't write about these crazy holidays so much. I miss it. Here is one of my favorites.

Today, November 14th is Young Readers Day!

Who exactly is the Young Reader?

Well, according to the library conference that I recently attended, FEMALE young readers will give anything a go however MALE young readers are almost non-existent choosing to skateboard and play video games and other non-reading booky type of stuff.

My house is full of bibliophiles ($5 word!) and we loves our words. As a young(ish) reader, a person who tends to view book related business with rose colored glasses (a library type) and, in an effort to be fair to all, let me spotlight the young readers that I know.

Arli, age 3 and a half.
Picks out Corduroy by Don Freeman.
"Can you read me this book?"
Demands to sit on lap and "helps" to hold the book.
On page 5 (this book starts on page 5) questions why the little girl in picture has one leg. Also wonders why people on escalator has no facial features.
Page 6: tells me that the little girl will buy the bear.
Page 12 and 13: Shrieks as Corduroy goes up the escalator.
Page 15: Asks if I'm tired when I see all of the beds. Picks out the one she likes best and demands I do the same. Pouts when I choose the bed with heart shaped frame and informs me we will share.
Page 17: Tells me the button Corduroy tries to pull off of a mattress is not his.
Page 21: Asks why the guard is fat.
Page 25: Pretends to sleep like the characters in book. Snores softly for extra emphasis.Page 29: Asks if the little girl lives alone.
Page 30: Points out Corduroy's bed. Tells me she wants one for her dolls and bears.
Page 32: Read it again!

Dylan, age 7.
Although he could possibly be classified as one of the elusive MALE readers I am happy to report that Dylan likes to read. While his tastes in books are quite simple, he picks them out and reads them over and over and over again.
His favorites include dogs solving mysteries, mice on motorcycles and mice running newspapers (Jack Russell Mysteries, Beverly Cleary's Ralph S Mouse series and Geronimo Stilton). His vocab is now peppered with his sister TERRORIZING him, and how CURIOUS things he doesn't understand are. He likes to INTERROGATE his sister if he thinks she is in his things (she usually isn't) and wants to CRACK the case when he feels wronged.
His desire to read was sparked in part by a competitive streak from his cousin, my daughter:

Madison, age 8.
Madison: Does your library have Bone?
Me: (excited because it is not a Rainbow Magic book!)Uh, our copy may be out but I will order one for you.
Madison: OK. (Spies large print copy of The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald) I am going to read this. The print is large enough that I don't need my glasses.
Me: Read this first page.
First page read.
Me: Do you understand what you are reading?
Madison: No, but I am going to try it anyway.
Me (trying to remember the plot. Wasn't there something about affairs, murders and various other illegal activities?): Let's find another book. What about this mermaid book?
Madison: No thank you.
Me: Dear Dumb Diary?
Madison: No, I read that one.
Me: Baby Mouse?
Madison: I read them all! (Eight year old attitude now!)
Me: [crickets]
Me: OK, circle the words you don't know and we can go over them together.
Madison: OK
Some time the next week.
Me: How is Great Gatsby?
Madison: I can't find it so I'm gonna read this: Pulls out a Tinkerbell book.
Me (silently): Yes!(out loud) no more Gatsby?
Madison: You found it? Yeah, I still want it.
Me: D'oh!

Gloria, age 13Gloria has just discovered interlibrary loan at her local library (this despite the fact that her aunt is a library type-go figure!) and has discovered that genre called Urban Fiction. She was reading through all of the Drama High and Imani Tru series (both could be considered Urban Lite for teens) but has since discovered True to the Game by Terri Woods. She and her friends are devouring these books!
Her mom is all a twitter: "I hate these books! How many ways do you say the same thing: She had on bling, bling, and met a baller?"
Me: Teens and 'tweens are drama queens and like to read about people similar to them.
Sister: (in a major hissy)Whatever!
Me: [crickets].

I am of the mindset of at least she is reading for pleasure and SHE IS READING! After speaking with some people who know way more about everything, we come to the conclusion that this is a fad and will change. After Gloria met with some other teens, who also write as she does, she is venturing into Science Fiction, and those coming of age stories her mom describes as plot that has a sad teen growing up too fast or too slow.
Me: What's that book about (gesturing towards an Avi book)
Gloria: (visibly excited) It's called Curious and proceeds to give a very, very VERY descriptive and flowing book review.
Me: Best day of job!New reader!

Me, age 35
So many books, so little time.
Bookmercials, of the last few books that I can remember off the cuff, in 15 words or less:
Casanegra by Blair Underwood with Tananarive Due & Steven Barnes: Hot and Steamy whodunit.
Shining City by Seth Greenland: Toy maker turns pimp.
The Double Bind by Chris Bohjalian: Pictures cause a young woman to obsess. Refer to Great Gatsby.
The Abs Diet by David Zinzenko: Can't type, tummy hurts!
Faithless by Karin Slaughter: Small town gets ripped apart by murder!
Flabby Tabby by Penny Mckinley: Fat cat loses weight so that he can keep up with young kitty.
Exit Music by Ian Rankin: The last Rebus. [sniff!]
So there it is. A few of my favorite young readers with how they like to read and what they are reading.
Enjoy your day!