Simply Happy...

My boy, my oldest will be home tomorrow evening. He's spent the past week immersed in friends, church and doing good. I missed the hell out of him and can't wait to see him.

I'm hoping he remembered to use the camera he took with him. I really want to see some pictures. I also can't wait to hear all the stories although I imagine that will have to wait until Tuesday at least. I imagine he's going to crash and burn from exhaustion tomorrow evening.

But, right now I'm simply happy he's coming home.

Home of the Knob Conqueror and more

• Joey's home and he had a great time. They climbed Raven's Knob and all the first year scouts got their picture taken on the top.
• Joey's camera was acting up a bit so I'll have to get a picture from someone else.
• Gabe is so thrilled to have Joey home and this means he's being wild and crazy.
• Unfortunately since Joey's been away, Gabe's nonsense which would have driven him crazy, he now thinks is hilarious. This just encourages Gabe.
• Joey just got home and, in only 10 days, Marty leaves for a week...going to NOLA for the national Lutheran Youth Gathering.
• Gabe fell asleep leaning against Jennifer at just past 7. It was so cute.

• Did you know that today's stardate is 11207.07?
• I think I forgot to tell y'all that I won tickets to the BlogWorld New Media Expo in Las Vegas in January. I didn't think I would be able to go. I was resigned to selling my ticket. But, super secret negotiations are going on and I'll probably be able to go. And, I'll be staying at the Rio...

• I've discovered one thing that really ticks me off about my Nook. When someone (me) is stoopid and lets the battery die, those almost 300 books that are loaded on the SD card instead of the physical memory of the Nook disappear off the shelves. They are still on the card but all the categorization, all the time spent shelving them, is fucking GONE! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH
• It's almost midnight and still about 85 degrees. If I get my shit together, I'm going to bake cookies in my van tomorrow.This damned heat has got to be good for something.
• We had milkshakes for dessert tonight (thanks for the idea Joey). Here's the recipe...

Mint Chocolate Chip Milkshakes with Oreos
3 large scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream
3 oreos
1/2 cup of milk

1. crush the oreos in blender/food processor
2. add ice cream and milk to the cookies
3. mix and enjoy

PS...this was all done with my hand powered
food processor since my blender died

Trip the Light Fantastic

Y'all, the effort to teach our kids that drugs don't pay has been dealt a serious blow and the blow was frakking hilarious! When we were down at my parents' house, we all went to see Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted together. I honestly can't tell you who liked the movie more...the kids or the adults. I think this might have been the best of all the Madagascar movies. We all laughed so much and, during more than one scene, I was convinced that they has to have been on hallucinogenics to even come up with something like that. As the credits rolled, Marty looked at me and said "They forgot to put one person in the credits...they forgot to include their drug supplier."

As the credits were rolling, Gabe decided he desperately had to go to the bathroom so my dad headed out with him while the rest of us gathered up our stuff. As we walked out of the theater, I heard shrieks of laughter coming from the bathroom...shrieks of laughter that I KNEW were coming from Gabe. I was almost afraid to find out what was going on. Turns out that the shrieks of laughter were my dad's fault this time. He cracked Gabe up when he started doing this "you have to move it, move it" dance while they were drying their hands. I think he must have had a contact high from watching the movie.

I can't even begin to explain how much fun we all had. It really was a trip. And, while the teaser trailer and the second trailer gave you an idea what the movie is like, the true insanity of Madagascar 3 is captures in this Afro Circus Remix...you have to watch it...

I forgot to breathe...

I've had an insanely busy 24 hours. Last night, at about this time, I realized that if I was going to pack for a week away, I had laundry that needed to be done. So, at about 11 pm on Saturday, I put the first of three loads of laundry in. The laundry wasn't 100% completed before I went to bed but I was down to only needing one transfered into the dryer when it was finished washing (Thanks Vic!...jealous much, my husband cooks, cleans, AND does laundry). When I stumbled back to bed at about 2:30 am, I set my alarm for 9. I figured the kids (at least the younger 2)&) would be up by then.

The one time in my life it would be helpful if they were up earlyish, they slept in. I put on a pot of coffee and sat down to read the news while it brewed. Gabe was up before the coffee was done and Joey wasn't two far behind. While they were waking up and eating breakfast, I folded 3 loads of laundry (whee fun...normally, Vic would fold it but they ha a really busy night at work) and knocked back my first cup of coffee. I started trying to wake Marty up at 10:30 so we could start packing for our trip out of town.The younger two and I got started picking out the clothes to bring with us and Marty finally dragged ass out of bed at about 11. God, I miss those teenage hours. I had the kids completely packed (clothes, electronic gadgets, chargers, Marty's school books, etc) by about 11:45. Now, I had to pack myself and get dressed. By 12:40, I was cleaned up, dressed and had my clothes and everyones toiletries and meds packed. By 1:20, I had all my work and projects I need to work on packed.

Did I mention that Gabe had a birthday party to go to that started at 2 and I still had to get to the store and pick up some things Vic was going to need over the course of the week? Yeah, since we were going to be gone, Vic picked up some overtime shifts and knew he wouldn't have time to get to the store so I had that to fit in too. Miraculously, Gabe and I walked into the party only 15 minutes after it started and he had a blast "skating". I say skating in quotes because, well, he is 6 and has only been on skates one other time. You can imagine how graceful he was. We left the party at 4:45 and I made it home in time to kiss my husband through his vehicle window as he left for work. At this point, I had 2 hours and 15 minutes to get everything wrapped up and get out the door so I could arrive at our destination in time (btw, our destination is an hour and 10 minutes away from my house).

In one hour, the kids and I loaded the van, tied two bikes to the top of the van, loaded the dish washer, made sure the dogs had been out, and got ourselves and both dogs in the van for the drive to my parents, house. I also broke up the hundred zillionth fight in 24 hours between my kids and threatened them with a complete ban on talking for the entire drive if they didn't reform themselves. We left the house at 5:45 and pulled into the parking lot of my mom's church at 6:55...with 5 minutes to spare. See, Gabe had an ice cream social for the day camp he will be attending this week. My parents met us in the parking lot and my Dad took my van, the dogs, and the two older kids back to their house. Gabe, my mom, and I went to his ice cream social. After the ice cream social which Gabe piggy backed onto birthday party food, we headed back to my parents'  house with a quick side trip to by sunscreen. Gabe proceded to spent the remainder of the evening eating his way through a large piece of pizza, about a pound of grapes, a few pieces of chocolate, a serving size container of pringles, and a granny smith apple. Gabe and Joey went to bed late. Marty is winding down for the night. Even the dogs are asleep. The quiet is calling to me and I'm about ready to go to sleep myself.

Oh shit, I think I hear Gabe calling bellowing for me...

I guess it's time to go again.

Tune in tomorrow for pictures of Joey's new haircut. You won't believe it.

Where has the time gone?

This past weekend, the boys and I went to a graduation party for a young lady we use to live down the street from. I remember meeting Jennifer over 9 years ado when she was in the 3rd grade. Now, she is graduating and going off to college. I know it happens to everyone. I know everyone says it. Where has the time gone and how have they become so grown up?

It seems like only yesterday that we were bringing Marty home from the hospital. He was a big baby, almost 9 lbs, but he seemed so little to me. I could cradle him in one arm and he could curl up on my chest. Now, he is taller than me and I only have 3 years until it's his graduation party I'm planning and attending.

If I admit Marty is that old, I suppose I have to admit that Joey is finishing elementary school and will be starting middle school next year. It won't be too long until I have to say that he is taller than me too.

Even my baby, Gabriel, isn't a baby anymore. Gabe is wrapping up his kindergarten year and he's become so tall. He is actually taller than either of his brothers were at that age.

It's both hard and wonderful watching them grow up. If I do my job right, I have to watch them stumble and fall. It's the only way they can really learn. But, I also get to see them learn and develop. I get to watch them become compassionate, caring, hard working individuals. If I do my job right, my boys will grow into men and will make their way in the world independent of me and Vic. It makes me so proud watching them take their first steps along this road. If I'm truthful, the older two have takes more than just their first steps along this road. My boys aren't babies anymore and I just can't figure out where the time has gone.

Be Afraid...Be Very, Very Afraid

Last night, while I was writing the post about the Crusty Ass Pancakes, my oldest son, Marty, and Vic had a discussion that alternately scared me and made me wonder what kind of good drugs they had been taking. Yes, it really was that weird a conversation.

It all started a couple of days ago, May 2nd to be exact. That was when I found this picture that Anissa posted via worth1000.com

I'm sure you can imagine how funny everyone in my family thought this Star Wars take off of the Last Supper is.

Last night when I was writing the other post, Vic and Marty started discussing this picture and quickly decided the artist had the wrong people in the positions. For example, they said Luke should not be in the Jesus position. Their pseudo-philosophical discussion quickly gathered steam and veered off the tracks. Pretty soon they weren't limiting themselves to who filled what last supper role but they were figuring out who filled what New Testament role. I'll give them a bit of credit...they at least limited themselves to one trilogy (1, 2,and 3) instead of tackling the whole Star Wars mythology.

I mentioned the Star Wars Last Supper picture and asked who was in the Jesus position...

Marty: Luke was in the Jesus position but I don't think he should have been.
Vic: Then who should have filled the role?
Marty: Well, it depends on which trilogy you are talking about...maybe movies 1, 2, and 3.
Vic: Ok, should Anakin be Jesus?
Marty: Nah, Mace Windu was the main good guy who died in the end. He would be Jesus.
Vic: Yeah, and Palpatine would be Pontious Pilate.
Marty: stops to think
Marty: If Mace Windu is Jesus, Obi Wan is the next main Jedi. He would be Peter because Peter was the main disciple.

I sit and bury my head in my hands, just shaking my head.

Vic: laughing What's wrong, hon?

I don't say anything but just go back to typing.

Marty: And, Anakin is the one who betrays everyone so he has to be Judas.
Vic: Yeah, yeah, Padme should be Mary Magdalene. It's a stretch because Mary Magdalene was closer to Jesus but I think it's the best female role for her.

Marty cracks up laughing. After a few minutes, he gets himself under control.

Marty: We're either going to hell or God is up there laughing his butt off at us.
Me: Only in my house...only you two...Y'all need serious mental help.


Please tell me I'm not the only one who has things like this happen. Should I be scared or just go with the flow? Does anyone else have any casting suggestions?

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A

My oh my what a wonderful day

Plenty of sunshine headed my way

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A

Mister blue birds on my shoulder

It's the truth

It's actual

Everything is satisfactual

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A

Wonderful feeling

Wonderful Day

from Disney's Song of the South

by dumbledad

When I started the A to Z Challenge, we were still in the throes of Marty's never ending migraine. I was miserable watching my son suffer. Marty was miserable because he was in pain and his intense sensitivity to light and sound meant he couldn't do anything.

But, today, as I wrap up the A to Z Challenge, we're not in that miserable place. It's more of a zip-a-dee-doo-dah day. Marty is better. Marty is back to his normal self and I couldn't be more happy about it. The noise level in my house has gone way up and it truly is music to my ears. Now, I'll be honest and say I probably won't be feeling the same way about the noise in another month but right now I love it.

Yesterday, for the first time since the night of February 26th, Marty went back to his normal activities. He spent 3 hours at church with the kids from the youth group that will be going to the national Lutheran Youth Gathering in New Orleans this summer. They went out and walked, had dinner together, and did all kinds of trust building/team building activities. He came back exhausted but who wouldn't be after almost 2 months of no activity. And, today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining and all my kids are healthy. Today, Marty and I went to see The Hunger Games. I'm not sure what I loved more...the movie or the fact that my son was able to see it with me. Today, I am truly happy and loving life.


How is your day going? What have you been up to today?

Questions

There are so many things they don't tell you about parenting before you become one. One of the most fascinating and, at the same time, maddening things you experience are the questions you get from your kids. When they are little, the questions are fairly easy to answer but, as kids get older, the questions frequently get more challenging.

When they are little, you face the typical questions...Why is the grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why does it rain? None of those are that hard to answer and, when I didn't feel like answering, my two favorite answers would suffice. The stock answers "because God made it that way" or "so you would have a question to ask" work as answers to almost every why or what question in existence,

With my kids, you truly never know what question is going to come out of their mouths. Lately, Gabe has reentered the why phase and it's about to drive me insane. Seriously, have you heard the old saying that someone has been vaccinated with a phonograph needle? Well, that is Gabe and I 'd have to say that 90% of the words that come out of his mouth are somehow tied to why or what. But, even Gabe sometimes throws a question my way that simply can't be answered and the funny moments come when he decides he has the answers anyway. A couple of weeks ago, Gabe asked me what God's phone number was. He's really into calling people and chatting. His favorite victims people to call are Grandma, Aunt Jennifer, and Aunt Becky. I guess he decided to ass God to his list of phone buddies. Gabe was rather put out when I told him I didn't know God's phone number and I wasn't sure he had one but he was mollified a bit when I suggested he ask our Pastor about God's phone number. However, like most kids, Gabe is impatient and I guess he found the solution himself because he informed me (later that day) that he had God's number and that God and Jesus shared a phone number. When I asked him how he knew they shared a number he told me that they both called him and it was from the same number.

Marty also went through a challenging question phase. But, the challenge from him wasn't the quantity of questions. It was in the sheer complexity of the questions. For a couple of years, the arrival of summer heralded the arrival of a seriously difficult question from Marty. The three most memorable questions of the summer happened in three consecutive years. The summer before Marty entered 2nd grade, he asked me what a dimensional rift was. Can you imagine trying to explain that in terms a 7 to 8 yr old would understand? Then, the summer before 3rd grade, Marty wanted to know why some stars became black holes when they collapsed and some didn't and what would happen to our sun when it collapsed. Thank God my mom was a science teacher because I could only remember about half the answer. Then, the summer before 4th grade, Marty asked what would happen if we exploded an atom bomb inside a black hole. Hell, I never mastered theoretical physics. I didn't have a clue how to begin to explain that answer. I still can't decide whether I'm disappointed or relieved that the questions of the summer seemed to die out. I think I'm mostly relieved. Can you imagine what they would be like now, 5 yrs later, if he was talking about theoretical physics before 4th grade?


What's the weirdest, funniest, or most interesting question you've been asked by a kid?
Do you have any questions, seriously any, that you'd like to ask me? I'll come back later and answer them.

Prayers: answered

My prayers have been answered and I have so many of you to thank. Marty is almost better...really! Within this last week, we've seen phenomenal improvement. Really bright lights still bother him a bit and super loud or sharp noises still hurt but he's on the mend.

I can't even begin to express how relieved Vic and I are at this moment. I really almost cried when he said "I think in another few days I'll be fine." Part of me was terrified that, once again, a loved one of mine would fall onto the wrong side of the medical odds. Part of me was truly terrified Marty's migraine would become one of these horror stories that went on for years and years. But, all I could do was keep on hoping...keep on praying...and those prayers were answered.

It's kind of funny but Marty has himself completely convinced that the only reason he is doing better is that we've had a break from the horrid weather fronts rolling through on a daily basis. I am sure that has helped but I also believe the prayers, the chiropractic care, the vitamins, and the meds have helped. However, I don't really care what he attributes his improvement to as long as he keeps getting better.

I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate all the support y'all have given us through this. The prayers, the ideas, the love...that's what's carried us through all this. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you with a few special shout outs...to Julia Crane, thank you for the k12 recommendation. He'll be finishing up his freshman year through them this summer & to Dora, thank you for the magnesium info. He's been on a mega dose of magnesium and that corresponds with when he started improving.

My Marty

My son Marty has had a rough go of it. This last fall he had finally reentered public school after 2 years of homeschooling. He had overcome his nervousness due to the bullying he suffered from in middle school and was settling in. He found a fabulous group of friends through ROTC and was working so hard in all his classes.

And, then he had that totally fucked up reaction to his allergy medicine and it took months to get him back on his feet. Despite fighting through all that, he finished the first semester with good grades and he was ready to rock and roll when the second semester came around. Marty was really kicking ass this semester. He was pulling straight As and was getting back into the swing of things with ROTC. Then, this damned, never-ending migraine from hell hit him. It's been going on so long that we're having to reactivate our homeschool, withdraw him from this semester, and have him get the credits he needs to advance to 10th grade through k12 online this summer.

Somehow, through his whole difficult reaction to his allergy medicine, Marty maintained an amazingly positive outlook on things. But, this migraine has been a lot tougher on him. He's got a tough enough personality that he could deal with pain but the light and sound sensitivity has been kicking his ass. And, he still can't focus on anything small without triggering a worsening of the migraine so reading has been out. He's tried multiple meds, IV pain relief, and even chiropractic care. It's been disheartening for both him and Vic and I to see one attempt after another fail at breaking the migraine.

Now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm really seeing improvement since the last medicine switch, but I'm sort of afraid to let myself believe that the end is in sight. Marty acknowledges that things are a bit better but isn't willing to credit the medicine. All he's willing to say is that maybe the better weather is giving him a break. Frankly, I don't give a damn what's causing the improvement...just that it keeps happening.

I would love it if you could send him a message of encouragement or a joke to make him laugh. That would mean so much to me.

Brought to you by the letter D

rained, dark, dreary, and, dare I say, depressed.My son is on day 38 of his migraine. The last time we went into the neurologist, they put him on topamax which is an FDA migraine preventative drug. While on the topamax, there has been some improvement but not nearly the improvement we want or need to see. I called the neurologist today and he wants Marty to up his topamax dose for at least the short term (he has another appointment on Monday, April 9th). When I told Marty this he got agitated and said that since he's been taking the topamax and especially since we doubled the dose a week ago on Tuesday, it's been getting harder and harder for him to get to sleep and he's been waking up easier. So, I look it up and sure enough, difficulty sleeping is a possible side effect of topamax.

The one fucking thing that has seemed to help at all and it's causing a different problem...damn it all to hell. It just isn't fair. Marty already went through that fucked up reaction to allergy medicine that caused all the problems last semester. He had been working his ass off this semester and now we can't catch a break when it comes to dealing with this migraine.

I am seriously worrying that he won't be able to finish out this semester. While I'm sure we could probably get it wiped off his record, that would still leave him a semester behind and out of sync with his friends. And, summer school isn't really an option. Because summer school isn't like it was when I was in school. Because of the economy and horrible budget cuts, there are only 30 summer school slots available at each school that offers summer school. That means that at Marty's high school of over 2200 kids, there are only 30 slots. And, freshmen are at the bottom of the totem pole for getting one of those slots...not to mention that it is impossible to complete an entire semester in summer school because of the way it's structured.

And, that is why today my post is brought to you by the letter D...d is for drained...d is for dark...d is for dreary...and, yes, d is for depressed.

Wit's End

I'm at my wit's end. If you had talked to me yesterday, I would have been a lot more positive. Marty actually seemed to be doing better yesterday. But, today happened. Another weather front moved on through and his head ramped right back up.

My poor son is on Day 29 of a debilitating migraine. Day 29, y'all. He has missed 4 completed weeks of school and it isn't looking good for this week. The poor kid could deal with the pain if we could just get rid of the damned light and sound sensitivity...but, so far, it's sticking around. It's just not fucking fair. He's a good kid. He has worked his ass off this school year. We got him through the allergy medicine induce medical issues of last semester and this semester got off to a great start. He was pulling all As. Then this damned fucking migraine hit. Y'all, he can't even concentrate/focus to read. This is a child who consumes books and the same books he was reading 4 weeks ago are sitting on his desk with the same pages marked. About the only thing he can do is watch tv with the volume turned way, way down (thank God for closed captioning) or play computer games (and that's only been for the past week and a half).  He's even getting tired of the game...about an hour ago he turned off the game he was playing and went out to sit in the darkened den.

This makes me so sad and so worried. It truly hurts my heart to see him this way. He's paler than I've seen him in years (no sunlight does that to you). And, we're reaching the point where I'm truly worried about him being able to complete this semester in school and I know it would kill him if that happened.

I want my vibrant, happy, healthy son back. I want noise to rule this house again. I want our house to bustle with activity and I want Marty to be surrounded by his friends. Damn it, I just want him healthy.

45s, 380s, 9 mms...

in other words, Bullets.

I feel like all I'm doing lately is writing posts with bullet points. It's sad but that's about all I've had the energy for lately...

• Gabe is reading now. I'm so proud of my boy. He loves that I've downloaded a few books onto my Nook for him. His favorite is the Puppies book.
• It's amazing how much better you feel after a few days of TheraFlu and a decent night of sleep.
• It's sad when you consider a night that you get woken up at 6 am by a thunderstorm a good night's sleep.
• We've had two thunderstorms in the past two days that have been powerful enough that they made the house shake...kind of scary even when you like storms.
• My dog is a total chicken when it comes to thunderstorms. She's glued to you when there is a storm raging.
• I am loving my new, properly fitting, sexy, colorful bras. It's so nice having bras that make the girls look perky.
• It is seriously scary how much bigger my boobage looks when it's being properly supported and held up. We won't even talk about what cup size I have to buy...that really is scary.
• On Sunday, Joey started to get a migraine too. Luckily, the Migranal that didn't work for Marty stopped Joey's migraine in it's tracks with only one dose. It's a really good thing because it truly felt like it would be the very last straw if I had to deal with two kids with migraines.
• I took Marty back to the neurologist today on day 23 of his migraine. Since the attempts with abortive migraine meds didn't work, we now have Marty on Topamax which is a preventative migraine med and some vitamins which have been proven to help prevent/lessen the severity of migraines. Please pray these make a difference.
• It just kills me that I can't make him feel better. It also kills me that it's something he inherited from me that is putting him in so much pain. It really makes me feel like shit. I'm suppose to be able to take care of my kid and I feel like I'm failing him in this.

I'd love it if you share something that would make me smile. It can be personal, a joke, or a silly story. I'd really appreciate it.

I'm going crazy why don't you come along

*I'm going crazy why don't you come along
I'm going crazy just singing this song

• Day 20 of Marty's migraine, Day 2 of a 100 degree temp for me (thanks Gabe)...'nuf said

Once I had a little dog and all it ate was cans and when those little puppies came they came them pots and pans!

My old girl is more than a little spoiled. You'd think she was
allowed on the couch all the time. BTW, she loves the blanket
Michell aka BattyNurse made me.

I'm going crazy why don't you come along
I'm going crazy just singing this song

• Why is it you can dose a sick kid (Gabriel) with meds and they rebound and have energy to spare but give an adult the same cooties and we're dragging ass and feel like death warmed over.

Once I had a little cat and all it ate was yarn and when those little kittens came they came with sweaters on!

Joey's kitty, Butterball, fits right in with the family.
He's basically healthy but has medical quirks. The
seasonal fun of giving him allergy meds has begun.

I'm going crazy why don't you come along
I'm going crazy just singing this song

• I have projects galore, including moneymakers, that are waiting for me but I feel too damned crappy to do anything. It is driving me stir crazy.

When Mary had a little Lamb the doctor was surprised, when old McDonald had a farm the doctor nearly died!

• Doctors, doctors, doctors...I've had my fill of freaking doctors. We've spent more on co-pays and prescriptions and gas too and from in the past month than we did in the previous 3 months. I am done, done, done!

I'm going crazy why don't you come along
I'm going crazy just singing this song

What's driving you crazy? What's making you climb the walls? Share with me and make me feel a little more normal.


* The words in italics are the lyrics from a song we use to sing in Girl Scouts.

PS...sorry for all the bitching and moaning about sickness. I've just been feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Random Shit from My Cootie Addled Brain

• I feel like I need to apologize. When I wrote my post for the healing salon, I inadvertently left out an entire segment of the ALI community - those who are living child free after infertility. I certainly didn't mean to leave anyone out and I'm truly sorry if it made anyone feel bad.
• Someone forgot to tell the powers that be that my family's turn for illness and physical bullshit was over. Seriously, I am so done with it. Gabe is still congested. I feel like crap (thanks for sharing your cold Gabe). Marty's head still isn't better. And, I'm at my wits end.
• Gabe is totally cracking me up lately. He has taken to telling me I am his dear heart. I have this crazy urge to giggle every time he says that.
• This week, I've been researching OCR software (optical character recognition) and hand held scanners for a project I'm working on. OCR software lets you take a scan of a document and turn it into an editable PDF. Does it make me a total geek that I know and care about these things?
• Our phone is messing up and it's pissing me off. We have a VOIP line and, for some God unknown reason, people have been getting a rapid busy signal type tone when they call in. We've rebooted the VOIP modem once but it started doing it again today. Thanks to that damned modem, I missed a call back from the neurologist.
• As much as I love technology, it's also been pissing me off. I was loading books onto my Nook this week and, with 2 books left, it tells me device is full. My first response was "Bullshit. I know I don't have enough books on there to match the capacity I see talked about." Well,  I found out that on a 2 Gig Nook Simple Touch, about 1 Gig is taken up by the operating system. I can hang with that. But, what ticked me off was that out of the remaining Gig of space, 3/4 of it is reserved for books or content loaded directly from Barnes and Noble and only 1/4 is available for books from other sources. The reason it pissed me off is that they don't tell you this up front. So, yeah, my Nook space really was full. Had to go order a micro SD card to take care of that issue.
• I need to make 4 dozen plus cookies tomorrow...4 dozen for a church thing and the plus part remains here at home. Whose going to come help me? 

What's going on with you?

A little of this and a little of that

• Marty finally saw some improvement of his migraine. He is still hurting and sensitive to light but he can finally sit down in front of a computer without getting nauseous. This gives me great hope that his final IV pain treatment will give him great relief.
• Gabe has been so incredibly sweet lately. He's told me I'm beautiful, that I sing nicely, and that he wants to always keep me safe. My little boy can always make me smile.
• Gabe got sick this Sunday. He was vomiting Sunday afternoon and night and had a fever of 102.5 midday on Monday. But, his fever broke Monday evening and he swore he felt good this am and was desperate to go to school. I didn't follow my gut instinct and let Gabe go. It was a bad decision because, even though he made it through the day, his temp went back up this evening. It never fucking ends.
• Did I ever tell you that when my kids were little, there were times they ate so many fruit loops that they turned their poop crayon green?
• I feel so bad that I haven't been commenting much and I haven't managed to visit most of the healing salons but my brain is fried. I have been trying to keep Marty company but his migraine pain has sort of forced him into weird hours. So, I've been staying up really, really late with him and then getting up early with Gabe and Joey...and, I've been doing this for about 2 weeks now. My reserve is empty and my brain function is hovering just above comatose.
• I found out black jelly beans turn your poop a slightly less vibrant shade of green...especially when the individual in question consumes almost an entire bag of black jelly beans. Don't ask me how I found this out.
• Vic has his second appointment with the bariatric surgery clinic. We're hoping that he can jump through all the proper hoops and get a date with the gastric bypass surgeon by early summer. Maybe this will finally let him beat that bitch, diabetes.
• My parents totally rock. These past two days they have helped me with my sick kids so I could take Marty to the neurologist for his pain treatment.
• My mom's physical therapists think she is slightly demented because she informed them that shoulder replacement be damned, she intended to teach swimming and life guarding this summer so they better get s moving.

What random stuff is going on in your life?

The Least I Can Do

It's almost midnight. Almost all the lights are off in my house. I really wanted to go to bed about 2 hours ago. Instead, I'm sitting in front of the TV, watching shows with my son, and typing this post.

I'm sitting here feeling totally helpless and like I've failed my son. Poor Marty has had a migraine since last Sunday night. That's right, he hasn't felt well over 7 days (I could round it off to about 173 hours). He hasn't felt well in over a week because of something he inherited from me and that just makes me feel lower than low.

My poor son has missed the last 5 days of school and will likely miss one more because I can't make him feel better. He can't sit in front of a computer to do any work because it makes his nauseous. All the lights are out in the house because he is so extremely light sensitive right now. And, any loud or sharp noises can bring him to his knees.

We've tried motrin, tylenol, pain meds, ice packs, caffeine, prednisone, and anything we can think of to help Marty feel better. I think the prednisone might have worked but the horrible weather fronts have come one after another after another. Since I can't make him feel better, I'll sit here with him until his exhaustion is greater than the pain and he is able to sleep. It's the least I can do.

Are they too much like me?

When your kids are little, you can't help but dreaming and imagining what they are going to be like when they grow up. Is he going to have my smile? Is she going to look like me? Are my sons going to get their daddy's sense of humor? Some times you wonder where they got their chin from or whose beautiful, long fingers found their way onto your baby's hand. It's like a daily discovery watching your child grow and trying to figure out where all the facets of them came from.

Even with all the things we delight in seeing in our children, there are inevitably things we hope they don't get from us.  We might hope they avoid getting the crooked teeth or the myopic eyes. We hope that some miracle lets our child inherit grandpa's mellow singing voice instead of our flat as a pancake singing voice. Sadly, and it some cases, thankfully, we don't get a vote as to what our children inherit. It's random chance what our kids get from us.

One thing I never found myself hoping for, never found myself imagining was what if my babies inherit my migraines or gee I hope they get my asthma. Luckily, none of them seem to have gotten my asthma (why do I always hear miasma when I say my asthma).  Sadly, though, 2 out of my 3 kids have inherited my weather induced migraines and this week has been a real bitch for them. I fucking hate seeing my children in pain, especially when I can't make that damned pain go away and I know they got it from me. I think knowing they got this medical issue from me bothers me more than seeing tough personality quirks they might have got from me. Personality quirks can be dealt with. You can learn to work around personality quirks or possibly even learn to exploit them and use them to your advantage. My poor sons can't avoid the migraines since their trigger is the weather, something they have NO control over, and I sure as hell don't see any way the migraines can be used to their advantage. And, it truly sucks beyond belief that I can't make this lovely inherited trait go away.


What characteristics do you hope your kids (current, future, adopted, whatever) get from you and what do you hope and pray they avoid?

Happy Birthday, Marty!

15 years ago today, my life irrevocably changed. 15 years ago today, my oldest son, Victor Martin Cruz (Marty), was born. 15 years ago today, I became a mom for the first time. Life would never be quiet again.

I am in awe of the wonderful young man he is becoming and I've got to applaud his fortitude. This year is his first year of high school and he has dealt with a lot. He had a bad reaction to allergy medicine that left him going from class to class in a wheelchair for the better part of the first semester. Despite all the days he missed while dealing with that, he kept it together, worked his ass off, and kicked butt in his classes. I am so proud of him and the work ethic he demonstrated.

Right now, I'm not sure what blows my mind more...the fact that the handsome young man in the picture above is the same person as that little baby I brought home 15 years ago or that, in only 3 years, he will be nearing high school graduation and going off to college. Wow...that totally blows my mind.

Happy Birthday my wonderful son. I am blessed to be your mom and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Randomosity

• The cookie cartel aka the Girl Scouts have my house under their thrall. We got our cookies the other night and my children (yeah, just my children, I'll stick with that story) have been inhaling them.
• Last night, Vic and I helped chaperone Marty's first military ball. It was held at the Matthews House (be warned, embedded music on the site but it gives you a gorgeous view of the house)  in Cary, NC.
• I think that the military ball is the only place you will ever see a bunch of teens loudly cheer a clumsily executed (by their peers) waltz. What a truly fabulous group of kids.
• I think the force was at work last night or maybe it was just the repellant power of the adults in attendance. All the kids gravitated towards the dark side of the dance floor which just happened to be away from the chaperones' tables.
• Like father, like son...both of them over did it yesterday and have been paying the price with sore legs. Marty decided to try and outrun everybody during ROTC physical fitness yesterday despite the fact that he had only been off his cane since Sunday night and then he danced through the whole military ball. Vic decided to overdo the dancing, ignored his bad knee, and now he's paying for it.
• We all had a blast. It was so nice dressing up and going out with my husband and Marty looked so grown up in his uniform.
• Gabe fell asleep against Vic tonight and then Vic promptly fell asleep too. Doesn't matter how old they are, something about a child sleeping on you is the world's best sleeping pill.
• Today was a down day...a quiet day for the whole family. It was nice.
• Tomorrow, we are going out to eat for a family dinner. My parents and my sister are joining us at a restaurant so we can celebrate Marty's birthday.
• Speaking of Marty's birthday, he will be 15 on Monday. How in the hell did that happen? My baby is almost 15.
• On a less happy note, Joey's migraines seem to have gotten worse with puberty. We are definitely going to have to make a doctor's appointment for him about this.

What's going on in your life? Tell me anything...or everything.