"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Saturday, April 25, 2009

SHOW AND TELL: Living in the land of IF

Over the past week, I've read many posts that have commented on the fact that you never escape infertility. I've read many posts from long time infertiles commenting on how the battle against infertility makes pregnancy and the thought of a real live baby at the end of it a little unreal extremely bizarre.

I was blessed and lucky enough to have two healthy babies before I got sucked into the Land of IF. And, you know what, even though I had twice gotten to bring home a baby, I spent my whole pregnancy with Gabe not quite believing it was really going to end well. It didn''t matter how many time I felt him kick. It didn't matter how many times I saw his precious face on the ultrasound screen. I didn't really believe he was coming home with me until the moment I held him in the operating room.

Infertility leaves so many scars on our hearts that it is important for those of us who have battled thorugh it and made it to the other side (with or without a baby) to stick around and stay involved in the ALI community. Only someone who has been there can understand what another infertile is going through. And, only someone who has been there can understand why 5 or 10 years down the road your heart skips a beat when you see an example of what might have been.

I don't know about you, but I plan on being here 10 years from now. By then, my oldest two will be 22 and 18 and my post IF baby, Gabe, will be 13. I know some people won't understand why I stick around but I want to be there to help someone stuck in the hell of infertility. I want to reach out so they can finally hear someone say I understand. I want to give back to others what this community has given to me.

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To see what everyone else in class is bringing to SHOW AND TELL, take a trip to visit the Miss Mel, Goddess of the Infertility Blogosphere.

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And, don't forget to go by my Etsy shop and buy a hat to support the Liz Logelin Foundation. All the details can be found in Show & Tell post from 3 weeks ago.

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Finally, to help Kym and all future Sock-It-To-Me participants, I am going to set up a sock site database. It will probably just be in a post here but the info will be available to all. Please EMAIL ME (yes, use that link...not any other email address you have for me...using this link will keep all the emails together) and give me a link to the site you bought the socks from and any review of the site you might have.

40 comments:

Kymberli said...

This post is every bit as beautiful as I thought it would be and more. That's why I stick around, too.

Carrie27 said...

You are right, it does leave many scars, and they are always reminders of where we have been. No matter what the outcome was or is.

That picture is precious!

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Lovely post, and the photo brought a tear to my eye.

Hugs!

Beautiful Mess said...

Beautiful, just beautiful! Your words AND the picture. I felt the EXACT same way when I was pregnant with Zilla. It wasn't real until he was in my arms. I kept every receipt just in case I had to take EVERY THING back. It sucks and it shouldn't happen, to ANYONE! If my words helped just one woman in need, then I'm a happy girl. I'm almost positive you've done WAY more helping then you think.
*HUGS*

Candice said...

Thank-you for sticking around! Advice and an empathetic ear can make someones day seem bearable.

Gorgeous picture.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

The tear on your face as you look at him for the first time moves me (and breaks my heart a little). I'm glad you're sticking around.

Frau said...

What an absolutely precious face.

Lori said...

I love this photo. It's very touching and I can feel all your emotion.

You most definitely are a needed voice in this community.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

Which is exactly why we all love you! Love the photo- the expression on your face is priceless. Makes me imagine what my first meeting with my little one will be like.

Soralis said...

Love the post and the photo!

Sometimes I feel out of place now in the infertility community since I got to go to the other side. But I do so hope that I can give hope to someone somewhere... It took us over 11 years to get PG so I suppose anything is possible.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Michelle said...

Wow, that was great. We have our adopted baby girl Kayla who I couldn't imagine life without. We love her like we would love a bio baby, but the infertility still hurts and I have a feeling it always will.

Fat Chick said...

YES YES YES!!! Oh Kristin, this post is PERFECT. I can't tell you how much hope I've been given from others' stories. One of my favorite thing to do is go back into the cyclesista archives, and see who was cycling 6, 12, etc months ago. Many of them are still trying, and it breaks my heart. But many of them are now blogging about their babies, and that helps more than all the STOOPID PLATITUDES thrown at me by people who just. don't. get. it.

Please, please stick around! If only so that I can see gorgeous photos like the one of you and Gabe!

MoonNStarMommy said...

Great entry. I am another IF mom... I fought for five years to get Noah (my #2) ... I went through tests, and miscarriages (6 total before I got pregnant with him) ... and it's true, you go through the pregnancy with every emotion, but totally stuck in a haze. "Is this real?" ... "Am I going to wake up and find out this is a dream?" ... and even after you are officially done TTC.. you still have those urges to test and declarations of "Oh I'm ovulating!" ... when you spend so much time in that mind frame, it's hard to break past it. I had one baby pre-IF ... and 3 babies post-IF.

Nina said...

That pic of you and Gabe is beautiful.

chicklet said...

I think I'd feel the same way, but just not write it as well as you did today:-)

becomingwhole said...

Amazing post. Beautiful photo. You said it. This is why I just keep hanging around, even though I don't know if I even still fit in the ALI world anymore; somehow I feel like I always will.

infertilityrocks said...

I live this every day as someone who struggled with IF for almost 4 years before my son was born. And now that I'm dealing with IF for #2 as well...I feel IF will always, always be a part of me.

Malky B. said...

Great post - you said it so well.

Billy said...

Thank you for sticking around. And I loved the picture.

Nit said...

Very, very true....love the pic! :)

Cassandra said...

The tear in your eye is the culmination of all that we hope for.

Liv said...

I'm glad your here. I'm sorry that infertility is one of those things that one just can't shake off and move on from. I definitely appreciate your desire to help support others like myself. I also feel that there is no way I'll be leaving anytime soon. Even after kids. Very lovely post Kristin!

WiseGuy said...

Kristin..I want you to hang around...love your words, and your talent. I may not always post....but I quietly follow....

Mr. Shelby said...

Thank you for sticking around!

Thank you for sharing this picture - it is simply beautiful.

Bluebird said...

I hope you - and everyone else who sticks around - know how much it means to those of us in the trenchs. Beautiful post; beautiful photo.

Barefoot said...

Well put -- and a beautiful picture!

Martha said...

Beautiful picture, lucky baby to have such a wonderful Mommy.

cysteract said...

yes yes yes ! Stick around .. I love reading others stories It makes me hopeful.


Perfect post .. your picture gave me a lump in my throat in a good way :-)

Thnak you xX

JuliaS said...

Beautiful Kristin and the photo is amazing.

Your post captures what I have been struggling with as of late and part of my recent scarcity. I've been feeling exhausted from being "damaged goods" and wondering if I am even relevant. Thank you for reminding me why I have been "hanging around" and that there is still relevancy (and hope and beauty) in my story.

{{hugs}}

Delenn said...

Thank you for eloquently putting in words what I have felt.

MrsSpock said...

Lovely post- and pic!

Orodemniades said...

Such a lovely post.

Michelle said...

Thank you for sticking around! It's always reassuring to see those who have battled IF and won.

Jo said...

I'm glad you've stuck around! Your comments have held me up too many times to count. Please, please, please don't ever go anywhere. You belong here, always.

Hugs,
Jo

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Here from the Creme list...

I remember being touched by this post last spring. Great to re-read it, and neat to hear it is one of your favorites from 2009. :)

manapan said...

What a gorgeous, inspiring picture!

Sunshine said...

What a wonderful post....what a wonderful picture...You stick around for as long as YOU feel you need to. We'll keep ya!

Sunshine
Here from Creme de la Creme

suchagoodegg said...

Here from Creme de la Creme.

Thank you for sticking around, women like me really appreciate it. And pics like the one in this post give me HOPE!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Thank you so much for this post! I wish I had been paying attention to S & T when you originally posted this.

And ten years from now, I hope I'm still around too, swapping recipes and sending prayers. :)

once said...

Another thank you and appreciation for your warm heart and for announcing that you'll continue to be here for those of us still in the struggle. Your writing here and your support of those of us deep in the struggle are so important, and they also give hope that those of us reading will be strong enough, too, in your example, to join you to help others in the struggle, too, now and 10 years from now.
-C.