"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Friday, October 03, 2008

What if...

You know that butterflies in the stomach feeling you get when you are nervous and excited and scared and happy all at once. Well, that sensation has hit. I just got a call from my new OB/GYN office and Dr. BB has received the report from my consultation at the Duke clinic. This means everything is in place for us to start trying again. I will get my prescription for progesterone from Dr. BB next week (he's out of the office today) and then its just a matter of waiting a little for my next cycle to start.

The happy and excited feelings are tempered by the worries and doubts any IFer gets when we contemplate growing our family. I know the treatment worked last time. Gabe is living proof of that. But what if...

what if we do everything the same, I get pregnant, and I still lose the baby...

what if my body decides to throw me another curve and find yet another way to complicate things...

what if I fall on the wrong side of the odds (something I seem to do really well) and develop the nasty complications that can go along with lovenox injections this time...

what if pre-eclampsia or PIH rear their heads again...

what if my age is a factor this time...

what if, what if, what if...

what if my body cooperates this time (miracles do happen)...

what if everything goes according to plan and we add a beautiful baby to our family next year...

If I give into the fears of what if, I will be safe but I will always wonder about what could have been.

If I follow the dreams of what if, I might fall flat on my face or I might end up with the family I've always dreamt of.

I chose to follow the dreams.

8 comments:

Cara said...

Follow the dreams...for sure! I read on a post yesterday (sorry can't remember which one)

"If I didn't live the down I couldn't feel the ups"

MrsSpock said...

I hope your dream comes true this time!

Chris said...

Don't let the what ifs drive you crazy.
Hope all your dreams come true!

Vicki said...

Hugs sweetie! It's always better to try and fail than to never have tried at all. And you know the odds are in your favor since you know the treatment works. Good luck and my prayers will be with you!

Carolyn said...

Oh Kristin,
I am soooo excited for you. I think you will be fine with all the support from your family and friends. I will be praying for you! I am so happppppy!

Raven/Missy said...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out the way you want it to without any complications!

Good luck!

Jen said...

you go girl! and we'll be right with you praying all the way.

InfertileMadWoman said...

AWESOME!!!! Now you run out and find a book on how to make a GIRL!!!!

Just kidding.... healthy is what gets us worked up in this house!!!

Hugs, and good luck!!!

Rebel