We've all heard that trite phrases...don't judge a book by its cover. Parenting and infertility really drive home the truth behind the words. For some reason, people seem to be all to willing to offer assvice or asshat comments when it comes to getting pregnant, being pregnant, and raising your kids. Perfect strangers who don't have a clue what your life is really like or what you've gone trhough to get the kids you have judge the situation by its appearance. Perfect strangers who wouldn't dream of offering you marital advice will be more then happy to comment on your pregnancy (or lack thereof) or your family building. Family members who wouldn't tell you how to feel about anything else will be happy to tell you how to feel about getting pregnant.
When I was a nanny for two young kids, I use to not only take them to preschool but I would attend pre-school events with them. We were at a preschool event and I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my first child and the youngest of my charges wanted to be picked up. When I told the child I could only hold him for a few moments and indicated my tummy, I got a sneering "Just what you need...another child" from one of the other parents there. And, yes, it was said TO me. Even if the other two kids I was with were mine, she had no damned right to judge me based on the number of kids I had.
If someone has one or more kids (all the same sex), do NOT assume a pregnancy or the attempt to get pregnant means they are trying for a child of the other sex. While there are people who do that, a comment of "Oh, so you must be hoping for a girl." stands every chance of bringing a heap of vitriolic ranting down on your head if you say this to someone who has been through infertility.
If someone has 1 or more children at home, do NOT tell them "You shouldn't be so desperate to have another child." Do not presume to tell them how they should feel. You do not know their reasons for wanting another child. You do not know what they have been through to get to where they are.
Just because someone is a SAHM, do not assume they have time to help with anything and everything and do not assume they must be very well off financially. Many households with SAHMs scrimp and save and cut corners wherever they can so the mom can stay home. And, just because a woman is a SAHM, that does not mean she is lazy and sits in front of the tv eating bon bons and watching soaps all day. Many SAHMs have extremely busy and extremely full schedules.
Don't assume someone is selfish because they are persuing a pregnancy of their own rather than "just adopting"...grrrrr. Once again, their situation may not be what it appears to be on the surface.
Don't be guilty of judging by appearances. You never know when you may find yourself in the very situation you presumed you had the answer to.
Have you had any run ins where you were judged by appearances? How did you handle them?
*can anyone tell me where the post title comes from?