How to find peace of mind...

play in the dirt or bake some bread. I did both over the past few days. I transferred a lot of my seedlings to larger containers because I won't be able plant them until next week. I changed this...



Into this...

I also made homemade honey wheat hoagie rolls. We sliced roast beef and had a most delicious dinner the other night.



What do you do to calm down when you are frustrated or upset about something?

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Check out Dora's Pay It Forward Friday Post. One of you may be able to help.

The Quotable Quotidian

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...it is about learning to dance in the rain." I ran across this quote earlier in the week and it really resonated with me. I have no clue who originally said it...even Google wasn't much help there.

When you are immersed in the world of infertility, it is so easy to get wrapped up in the minutiae of the battle you are fighting. It is so easy to say, "When this is finally over, everything will be ok." But, when we get wrapped up in that outlook, our life and our world can narrow until all it is is the battle. When that happens, life becomes very bleak indeed. However, if we can learn to recognize the bright spots, the good moments, and the blessings that do enter our life even during the darkest storm, it becomes much easier to hold things together until the storm is gone. I think we all need to learn to dance in the rain.

Reading Round Up

As most of my long time readers have come to realize, I am a voracious reader. I don't confine my love of the written word to one genre either. I read sci-fi, fantasy, romance, mysteries, non-fiction, and just about whatever else you can think of. While books that expand your mind and make you think definitely have their value, reading for pure escapism can't be beat. I've read a few really good books lately and want to tell you about them so you can check them out too.

First, for pure escapism and entertainment, check out Roslyn Hardy Holcomb's Rock Star. Its been a long time since I've enjoyed a contemporary romance so much. The characters truly come to life through Roslyn's words and you find yourself completely sucked into their story. The heroine is a smart, strong, independent woman that we can all identify with. I started reading it late one evening after the kids went to bed and, at 1 am, I forced myself to put it down and go to bed. If you enjoy romances, you'll love Rock Star. And, if you want more when you are done, Roslyn has a short story sequel to Rock Star available as a free download. Also, Roslyn's personal blog is every bit as well written and entertaining as her novels. Check out her blog.

Also, each and every one of you should check out The Lost Quilter by Jennifer Chiaverini. This is the 14th book in her Elm Creek Quilts series. Even if you aren't a quilter or crafty type, these books are worth checking out. Chiaverini's series explores all aspects of human behavior and interaction by telling the story of a fabulous group of women artists. I can't explain how wonderful these books are any better than the people at Booklist and Historical Fiction Review do when they reviewed The Lost Quilter...

Clues unearthed from styles of quilting and fabrics used in different quilts help Sylvia and her friends track down what really happened during a remote period in history and help drive home Chiaverini’s point that women’s history adds a vital layer to our understanding of the past. This is an outstanding series of novels about a fascinating craft. Quilting, in the hands of Chiaverini, allows us to explore human relationships in all their complexity." —Booklist

"The Lost Quilter transcends an objectified view of slavery; it’s a tribute to a terrible historical period and the noble, all-too-human beings attempting to fulfill promises and dreams. Readers will be swept into this heart-rending, beautiful story, a fine example of great historical fiction, and will definitely remember the cost of precious freedom." —Historical Fiction Review

If you pick up either of these books, let me know what you think of them. And, if you love reading as much as I do, its not too late to join in the 2009 Book Challenge. Sign up by guesstimating how many books you'll read this year and add a comment to that original post. And, since these question have come up...

1. Rereading books count.
2. Young adult/Juvenile Fiction books count.
3. Audio books count as 1/2 a book.
   

Social Graces...

or the lack thereof.

What is it about family building efforts or the raising of the little 2 legged creatures that result from it that seems to remove the social inhibitions of friends and strangers alike? I am sure each and every one of you has either been the victim of the prying comments or actions or has inadvertently committed one of these social faux pas yourself. I know I've been on both sides of the fence.

It all starts when you reach either the age or the situation which society equates with becoming a parent. It is never ever ok to ask a pubescent child, "So, got any hair down there yet?" But, the same people who would be horrified at that question think nothing of asking a newly married couple whether or not they are pregnant yet or asking a single woman in her 30s whether or not she's going to have kids.

Friends, family, and strangers seem to think nothing of reaching out and rubbing a pregnant woman's belly but those same people wouldn't be caught dead attempting to touch any other physical deformity on a person that catches their eye. Yes, a hugely pregnant tummy is not the norm and catches a persons eye. Yes, unlike other physical deformities, a pregnant tummy is seen as a miraculous and beautiful thing. But come on, since when does something catching your eye become the equivalent to wearing a large touch me sign?

I know I've been guilty of asking someone I barely know "Is he your only child?" but I would never ask the same person "So, is that your only parent?" if I saw them out and about with an elderly parent. Both questions have the potential to evoke either joy or pain. Why is one question ok and the other isn't?

I know there are tons more examples of peoples fall from social grace when dealing with all topics family building and child rearing. What are some that you've heard and why do you think people think they have a free pass in this area?

We had such an awesome weekend.

This weekend, Joey's cub scout pack was camping at Camp Tuscarora in Goldsboro. The reason they went all the way there for a camp out was the annual Wings Over Wayne air show at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base.

I picked Joey up a bit early from school and we headed down. Joey and my Dad went camping Friday night with Joey's Pack while the other two boys and I got to hang out with my mom. Do you know any other 69 yr old who not only goes camping but flat out refuses to take an air mattress with him? LOL According to both of them, they had a great time camping.

On Saturday, my Dad and Joey came back by the house and we all headed to the air show (pictures to come next Saturday for Show and Tell). Not only did the kids get to walk through a C5 Galaxy and a C135 but we actually ate lunch UNDER the C5 Galaxy. There were so many performers there...the Blue Angels, Tora Tora Tora, and the Seymour Johnson Strike Eagle demo team to name a few. All the kids had a great time. Gabe was fascinated with the C5. And, Marty said the only bad part was that Vic had to work and couldn't be there with us. We all were exhausted when we left the show because it was so hot out there on the tarmac of the air force base. No one felt like cooking so we got pizza for dinner and watched a movie.

On Sunday, we were totally lazy in the morning and then went to my niece Brianne's birthday party that afternoon. Brianne's party was at Shiloh Farm, a little local farm that dedicates itself to working with high risk children. The lady that runs the farm is friends with my sister and Brianne wanted to have her party be a fundraiser for Shiloh Farm. Instead of presents, people donated money to help take care of the animals. Here are some of the pics I took. Each picture is a clickable link to a larger version of the pic.

Gabe and me; my sis, Keri


my sis, Becky; Becky and Gabe


turkey; rooster and hen


Becky and Gabe petting Jack the donkey and the sheep


Joey and Gabe with the miniature horse; Gabe climbing


peacock; Texas Longhorn


Zebu; palomino draft horse


the goats


Marty and a puppy; Becky and my mom

Everyone had a fabulous time but we were exhausted when we got home on Sunday evening.

My Totally Useless Update

I'm participating in the Totally Useless Stitchathon. The whole purpose of this is to collect all the orts (small pieces of floss, thread, yarn, or other fibers) that you trim off your stitching projects over the year. You can collect them in the see through container of your choice and, by the end of the year, you have a colorful and possibly artistic representation of your year's activity. I think that when we get closer to the end of the year, I will buy some clear glass ornaments to put the orts in.


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I also have to show you how much my veggies grew over the weekend. This is what I came home to find...

Abstract Me

Kym copied Niobe and I am copying Kym. "A couple of days ago, our beloved niobe wrote an interesting post and invitation to participate, which I am going to shamelessly copy here because 1) she said everything I would have, 2) she writes better than I do, and 3) I'm too lazy to summarize in my own words, anyway:

Piet Mondrian is one of those iconic modern artists, with instantly recognizable compositions consisting of grids of dark lines enclosing fields of white and eye-catching primary colors. A complicated theoretical apparatus underlies these paintings, involving evolution towards higher planes of being and seeing and the quest for an art more real than reality itself. Mondrian took this all very seriously, so much so that when his friend and collaborator, Theo van Doesburg, introduced diagonal lines into his compositions, Mondrian reportedly never forgave him.

The picture above, however, isn't actually a Mondrian. In fact, it's supposed to be a picture of, well, me. And, oddly enough, I think it pretty much captures my physical and spiritual essence. If you'd like to create your very own personal modern art masterpiece, just go to this this site, answer a few basic questions about yourself and voilà! the portrait of you that Mondrian probably would have painted if only he'd had the chance."

I'm not sure what it says about me but I like it. Head on over to Niobe's and check out her post, all the other Mondrians, and add you link to the list if you create your own.

Horrible Dream

I had the worst and most bizarre dream nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was hugely pregnant with my 4th child. In the dream I went to bed and when I woke up I was no longer pregnant. I had a text message from my anesthesiologist (huh?!?!?) so I assumed I had had the baby and all was well. I remember walking into a room, perhaps a nursery and thinking I saw a baby in a crib but as I got closer I found it wasn't a baby...it was Gabe in the bed. Somehow, when I fainally got in touch with my OB I found out that after I went to sleep I went fully eclamptic and they had to deliver the baby but it was too late for her. I dreamt I lost my daughter again.

It was all I could do to actually get out of bed when I actually woke up in real life.

SHOW AND TELL: Living in the land of IF

Over the past week, I've read many posts that have commented on the fact that you never escape infertility. I've read many posts from long time infertiles commenting on how the battle against infertility makes pregnancy and the thought of a real live baby at the end of it a little unreal extremely bizarre.

I was blessed and lucky enough to have two healthy babies before I got sucked into the Land of IF. And, you know what, even though I had twice gotten to bring home a baby, I spent my whole pregnancy with Gabe not quite believing it was really going to end well. It didn''t matter how many time I felt him kick. It didn't matter how many times I saw his precious face on the ultrasound screen. I didn't really believe he was coming home with me until the moment I held him in the operating room.

Infertility leaves so many scars on our hearts that it is important for those of us who have battled thorugh it and made it to the other side (with or without a baby) to stick around and stay involved in the ALI community. Only someone who has been there can understand what another infertile is going through. And, only someone who has been there can understand why 5 or 10 years down the road your heart skips a beat when you see an example of what might have been.

I don't know about you, but I plan on being here 10 years from now. By then, my oldest two will be 22 and 18 and my post IF baby, Gabe, will be 13. I know some people won't understand why I stick around but I want to be there to help someone stuck in the hell of infertility. I want to reach out so they can finally hear someone say I understand. I want to give back to others what this community has given to me.

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To see what everyone else in class is bringing to SHOW AND TELL, take a trip to visit the Miss Mel, Goddess of the Infertility Blogosphere.

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And, don't forget to go by my Etsy shop and buy a hat to support the Liz Logelin Foundation. All the details can be found in Show & Tell post from 3 weeks ago.

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Finally, to help Kym and all future Sock-It-To-Me participants, I am going to set up a sock site database. It will probably just be in a post here but the info will be available to all. Please EMAIL ME (yes, use that link...not any other email address you have for me...using this link will keep all the emails together) and give me a link to the site you bought the socks from and any review of the site you might have.

Creating and Growing...

I have to share my latest crochet project. I found the sweetest pattern for a crocheted bunny. Instead of making it in the lavender the original designer used, I made it with a multi-colored chenille yarn. It is a lot larger than I thought it would be but I love the way it turned out. I know I will make it again but next time I will use felt to make the face instead of embroidering it on.



And, my seeds are thriving. I have to show you how much they've grown in only 3 days...


Buttercrunch Lettuce - top row, left *lg square; Grand Rapids Lettuce - top row, 2nd lg square from left; peas - 1st and 2nd lg square on bottom row; Green Bean - 3rd lg square from left on the bottom


Yellow squash - top row, 3rd lg square from left; Corn - bottom row, 1st lg square on left; Tomatoes - bottom row, 2nd lg square from left, a few breaking the surface of the dirt; Pumpkins(top 6 cells)/unknown squash(bottom 3 cells) - bottom row 3rd lg square from left


only thing sprouting in this tray so far is corn


*each large square contains 9 smaller squares

Kym asked how big the seedlings needed to be before you move them outdoors. The biggest thing to be concerned with it making sure you are past the final frost of the season. If I had started my seeds on time, I could put them in the ground now. However, since I started them late (I was lazy), I will probably wate a week or two more to start moving them into the ground.

While we were sleeping...

Is it quiet at night in your house? Night time and sleep do NOT guarantee quiet in my house. While I don't do it frequently, I do talk in my sleep. In fact, I have been know to have *complete conversations when I was asleep. The other person will swear I was awake but I wasn't. Vic has been known to do the same thing.

Needless to say, all three of our kids do the same thing. And, they all started talking in their sleep at a very early age. When Marty was only 2, I went in to check on him when I heard noises from his bedroom. As I left the room, I heard him say (almost yell), "Ride dada's truck!" As he got older and after Joey was born, Marty was known to yell at Joey in his sleep. It wasn't unusual to hear him go on a tirade in his sleep and it would end with "I said NO Joey!"

Joey took talking in his sleep to a completely new level. When Joey was **3ish, we had put him to bed for the night. After we said prayers and kissed him goodnight, we left the room. For the next 45 minutes, I heard soft singing over the baby monitor. Joey singing himself to sleep wasn't unusual but that night it went on far longer than normal. Finally, I went in and told him that while I loved his singing, he needed to be quiet and go to sleep. For the next 30 minutes, silence reigned supreme...and then the singing started again. "Twinkle twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are..." I headed back to tell him to quiet down and, when I opened his door, he was sound asleep singing. Too funny.

Gabe also talks in his sleep. ALL THE TIME! You can't always clearly discern what he is saying but usually you can. I had thought Joey singing in his sleep was a one time thing but Gabe joined the club. Gabe has joined Joey's Star Wars obsession and, a few weeks ago, Gabe was humming the Star Wars theme in his sleep.

And, its not limited to the two legged family members. Our dog Jack is an active sleeper. I know a lot of dogs "chase" things in their sleep. The legs twitching and little yips give that away. But, Jack does so much more than that. Jack barks and growls in his sleep. And I don't mean quiet barks and growls. Somehow, without moving his mouth, he vocalize barks and growls completely. The funniest thing ever!

So, do y'all talk in your sleep or is it a quiet time in your house?



*I only do this if I am completely exhausted and I know where I got it from...my mom does the same thing.
**It was before Gabe was born. The older two were still in separate bedrooms.

A little of this, a little of that...

My dear friend Monnie is getting ready for IVF#6. Can y'all head over there and wish her luck and offer your support?

I need twice as many hours in the day to get everything done that I want to get done.

My friend Rys has a great piece on her blog about how the fucktards at the London Sun Times are trying to blame global warming on obesity. Go read it.

I have my gift all ready for OMG You Rock Day and now I'm questioning whether its a good choice. I have a bad tendency to second guess myself that way.

Crazy/stoopid people keep my husband employed. You would not believe the shit people call 911 about. These are real examples. Identities are withheld to protect the terminally stoopid.

1. I need to go to the store but they are saying its not safe to drive because of the snow. Is it safe to drive to XYZ store? What, you think I can magically click my heels together and make it safe for you to drive....what a moron.
   
2. What time does the UNC game get over? Check the damned TV schedule. That's what they are for.
   
3. I'm traveling to Washington, DC. Can you tell me if there are any road problems? Its 911 not a fucking travel agency.
4. They are here again? Who is here ma'am? The aliens are here in my living room. Ma'am, can you tell me what they look like? They are short and green and naked. Naked ma'am? Yes, when they transport into my house their clothes get left behind. Bwahahahahahahaha
   

And, last but definitely not least, MEL'S BOOK IS COMING!!! Got an email from Amazon estimating delivery on April 28th or 29th. Wooohooooo!

1-800-GypsiesRUs

Tonight, I think I would have given my children away to the first passing band of gypsies. No, scratch that, I would have paid a passing band of gypsies to take them. Joey took over an hour and a half to do a piece of homework that should have taken him 30 minutes in a worst case scenario. What could possibly have been so difficult...alphabetizing 12 words. That's right. All he had to do was alphabetize 12 fucking words and write 5 sentences. Grrrrr...he hates to do it so he argues, bitches, moans, and kvetches every time. I tell him to number them in order before he starts to write the list out and he NEVER fails to ignore that. Then he acts like someone has commited a heinous crime against him when he has to erase the list and fix it. He got cub scouts taken away from him tonight and was in bed by 8 pm.

And, then there was Gabe. Sweet faced, sweet tempered little Gabe was a hellion tonight. He has hit that bossy, 4 year old stage about 8 months early. And, when he gets tired, he even thinks he can tell me what to do. He's got another thing coming. He was ignoring me, climbing things, and beating on his brothers. I told him to stop climbing things and jumping at his brothers. I told him if he didn't stop, he was going striaght to bed. Do you think he stopped? Hell no! So I grabbed him, told him it was bedtime because he didn't listen and he promptly burst into tears.

Life got much better after 8:05 pm when both the younger boys were in bed and out of my hair.

Time for a glass of Pinot Grigio.

How does my garden grow?

I am so excited about my upcoming vegetable garden. I planted my seeds in the greenhouse trays on the 13th or 14th. On the 18th, 3 days ago, I saw this...
Those little bitty green shoots are my Grand Rapids Lettuce and my Buttercrunch Lettuce. Today, I went out to check on the plants and I saw this...
The big shoots are teh lettuces and the bottom 2 squares (the big 9 block ones) are my peas. Right next to the peas, in the lower right hand corner of the picture, is the first green bean sprout.

I think I'm going to be swamped with veggies.

Welcome ICLWers.

Grab a seat and hold on tight. ICLW is a wild and wonderful ride. My name is Kristin and I'll be your hostess for this part of the journey.

Eeek...your hostess needs to take her own advice to hold on tight. I just glanced at this months list and realized I have 132 comments to leave. Well, a minimum of 132 comments to leave. See, I can have a normal outlook about a lot of things but I get a bit obsessive about my commenting during ICLW. I can't give up my blogroll commenting and I MUST continue my unbroken string of Iron Commenting. Hmmm, wonder if I can convince the kids and hubby they don't really need to eat or have clean clothes this week? Nah, I didn't think so either. Guess I'll have to figure out another way to fit it all in.

For any of you who might be new to my blog, a complete rundown of my IF/family building history can be found here. If you don't feel like clicking over (and I totally understand if you don't), here's a brief synopsis. I am a mom to three sons. None of my obstetrical experiences have been what you could call normal. My 3rd son is my post-infertility baby and we went to hell and back to get him here. As for my current life, its crazy. I have a 12 yr old, an 8 yr old, and a kamikaze 3 yr old who I can't get potty trained because he is having nightmares about the potty. Frickin' nightmares about the potty. Who would have thunk it? I am an administrator to the kick ass Cross Stitch Crazy board, an obsessive crafter, and am trying to launch a cross stitch design company, Cuppa Joe Designs, with one of my best friends. In my free time (bwahahahahahaha) I dabble in web design (like my blog, I designed it), photography (see the previous post), and evidently, I've turned intto a writer. I guess I must be if I'm closing in on my 500th post. If you drop in to read more than once, you never know what you are going to find but I promise you won't be bored.

Now, I'm going to return you to your regularly scheduled programming while I scurry off to take my oldest to school. Gotta squeeze that in before the comment lovefest starts.

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I am officially totally and completely insane. I have read and commented on the first 40 blogs on the list.

Perfect Moment Monday: Picture Magic

Lori over at Weebles Wobblog says that "Perfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between."

This weekend I learned how to do something I'd been wanting to learn for a while. I know you've seen those gorgeous pictures that are black and white with a splash or two of color. Well, I wanted to know how to do that with my pictures so I went looking. Most of the links I found pointed me towards Adobe Photoshop (way to damned expensive) or Picasa (free but I don't like the way it wants to create its own folders for everything). Then I found a page talking about creating images like this with a program called GIMP. I know, its a really strange name for a program but GIMP actually stands for GNU Image Manipulation Program. This program is 100% free. It doesn't try to create its own photo storage files when I already have mine in place. And, it will do almost everything Adobe Photoshop does. Yeah, you read that right. All that power and NO out of pocket cost. In short, it is perfect for my purposes. For just a little time an a little effort, I was able to use a picture I took to create this...
The following two links are all you need to be able to create a gorgeous image like this yourself.

Download GIMP 2.6.6 – Installer for Windows 2000 and above
GimpGuru - tutorials for all the GIMP wonders. B&W with selective colorization is under advanced tutorials but is easy to follow.

Getting to do what I want and getting to do it for free definitely qualifies for a perfect moment in my book.

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PS...the only thing the selective colorization tutorial doesn't cover is the saving step and this is what worked for me....

click on layer

• click on merge down

click on file

• click on save as
• select folder to save it in
• click on save

little export file window comes up

• click on export

save as jpeg window comes up

• click on save

Even the weather gods are against me...

I bet you think you've heard of every reason in the book that a particular cycle of TTC didn't work. Well, guess again. I think I have a new one. I'll have to give you a little backstory for this one to make sense though. Back in September of 2001, my husband blew his knee out wile on the job (firefighting). Since then, he has his own built in barometer. When a particularly strong weather front moves through, he is in immense pain. Well, guess what happened this weekend. Yup, it was primetime in TTC land and I was laid flat with a migraine today while Vic was having a darvocet day with his knee. Damn it to hell, we can't win for love or money. Finally have his diabetes mostly regulated and then this happens. Sigh...guess there is always next month.

SHOW AND TELL: Juveniles R Us

Yeah, I'm talking about me, myself, and I. I have come to the conclusion that I have a very warped sense of humor because the following two things really amuse me. First, I present for your amusement, two signs here in Cary. The first sign is in my neighborhood before those bumps in the road designed to slow you down (y'all will understand why I phrase it this way after you see the second sign)...

Of course, the first time I saw it, I started laughing. Thank God neither of the older boys were in the car because I didn't want to have that discussion. It was pretty damned hysterical all on its own. And, then I saw the second sign. The second sign is in near town hall before one of those bumps in the road designed to slow you down.

It all seems perfectly normal except for the fact that it just says bump not speed bump. Then I started thinking. Why do they use two separate sings in the same town? Are they trying to tell me something about my neighbors or are they trying to tell me that the town hall staff is sexless? I don't know. You be the judge.

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The second thing that really amused me this week had to do with Facebook. You know how Facebook makes friend and group suggestions based on who your friends are and what groups they've joined. Well, I clicked over to see if there was anything or anyone interesting being recommended to me. And I saw this...

Suggestions

Add people you know as friends and become a fan of public profiles you like.

At this point, I started snickering. I just couldn't help it. I mean, I am religious. I do believe in God. But for some reason this amused me...and I had to find out what the public profile said. So, I clicked over and this is what they had on God's home page...
When I saw the line "God joined Facebook" on the wall, I lost it. I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. I honestly don't know why it was so funny but I still snicker every time I think about it.

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To see what everyone else in class is bringing to SHOW AND TELL, take a trip to visit the Miss Mel, Goddess of the Infertility Blogosphere.

******************************

And, don't forget to go by my Etsy shop and buy a hat to support the Liz Logelin Foundation. All the details can be found in Show & Tell post from 3 weeks ago.

******************************

Finally, to help Kym and all future Sock-It-To-Me participants, I am going to set up a sock site database. It will probably just be in a post here but the info will be available to all. Please EMAIL ME (yes, use that link...not any other email address you have for me...using this link will keep all the emails together) and give me a link to the site you bought the socks from and any review of the site you might have.

Question about Twitter?

Do you know anyone who uses it who doesn't have a cell phone? I was explaining twitter to someone the other day and that question came up.

WTF do I do with this...

We've been trying to get Gabe to potty train. He is more than ready. Not all mornings but many mornings he wakes up dry. However, he has steadfastly refused to go along with the plan. I haven't pushed it because, if I do, he will dig his heals in and refuse. We continue to talk about it and mention how he can get that cool Go Diego Go underwear. Gabe even mentions, "When I go on the potty, I get Diego underwear." But, whenever I ask him to sit on the potty, he simply says, "Not yet." Now, for two nights in a row, Gabe has woken up screaming with nightmares and when I got him to tell me what they were about he kept saying something about being stuck in the potty.

How the hell do I get him to potty train if he's having nightmares about being stuck in the potty?!?!?!?

Every time you think you have it figured out, they throw another curveball.