"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Thursday, December 03, 2009

The Holy Grail (snort/snicker/bwahaha) of Parenting

I have found it. I have finally found a parenting book that truly embraces my parenting style. I hereby introduce you toAccording to the ThinkGeek website, the book teaches you everything you need to know to raise your children as pirates. It includes gems such as
  • At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye
  • Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
  • How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
  • The best place to maroon your disobedient child
  • How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair
  • The difference between plundering and pillaging
  • How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner
  • When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar

And best of all each information-packed section of the Guide to Pirate Parenting ends with “Your pirate’s progress,” a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones. If you follow the instructions in this book and your child does not become a pirate, Cap'n Billy will refund the purchase price of this book. *

* Please note, Cap'n Billy reserves the right to make refunds in salt cod in lieu of cash, not that he plans to give any refunds anyways
So, is there anyone on your holiday gift list that this book would be perfect for?


sonja said...

I saw on LFCA that Sunday is your birthday, so I just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy early birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day and get to celebrate it just the way you want!

JuliaS said...


That's right up there with "The Dangerous Book for Boys" and "The Daring Book for Girls".

BUT - do they have one for Klingon parenting? :0)

Lavender Luz said...

This is priceless! I see that I am going to have to get a couple of copies of this.

Thanks, DD, and happy early birthday. December rocks, doesn't it?

Laughing at JuliaS' suggestion.

Anonymous said...

Hanging Dutchman Wedgie. That is funny. Happy early b'day! I hope you have a great one!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

That is hilarious! I love it... I can't think of anyone right now who needs this book, but I have a co-worker who it would be perfect for... if he had kids that is.

Deb said...

Hahaha! I wonder if it was written by the Wife Swap family that lived as Pirates. Hehehe.