"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Wherein I'm melting...meeeellllttttiiinnnngggggg.....

Hi all! I’m Molly, though some of you may know me as McPolish. Kristin has graciously agreed to let me guest post while she’s off gallivanting around BlogHer. Thanks for stopping by, and if you want to read more about me you can find me on my blog, McPolish.

We’ve been having some pretty hot, hot heat here in Chicago lately. The weatherboys and girls on the news have been all, “PANIC! AT THE DOPPLER!” as they see the temperature rising, and then it’s all hands on deck to get babies and geezers inside cool places. The rest of us, however, are left to fend for ourselves. Which is fine, being that I’m able-bodied and sit in an air-conditioned office five days a week. But there are some moments when it’s touch-and-go there for a bit. Like the five minutes of walking from my office to the car. Or when I get overheated while curling my hair.

My life is hard.

But don’t worry, dear reader, I’m safe. And I’ve got some tips for you about how to survive the heat if, like me, you are neither a baby nor a geezer and therefore the weatherpeople don’t give a crap about your welfare.

One: Steal your neighbor’s kiddie pool and invite your friends over for some pooltime. What? You never liked your neighbors anyway.

Two: Hijack an ice cream truck. Not only will your neighborhood thank you for disabling the speakers and thus killing the treacly, repetitive version of The Entertainer, but free dreamsicles for everyone!

Three: “Get Mystic and Go Naked!” Does anybody else remember that commercial/tagline/product? I think it was for fruit juice? Maybe? Whatever. They had the right idea—drink juice while nekkid. Because you know what? It’s hot. I don’t want to wear pants. And I’m thirsty.

Four: Become a librarian. Why? A) You get to be surrounded by books all day, and 2) Where do librarians work? Libraries. And what do libraries have? Sweet, sweet air conditioning.

Five: Shake your fist at the television or radio every time they talk about how freaking hot it is outside. But just make sure you do it in an air conditioned environment, because otherwise, hi, sweaty. Gross.

Enjoy the rest of summer, everyone. And yes, you’re welcome.


~Rachée said...

As a library chick I have to say that all that glitters is not gold. Sure its cool in the library BUT everyone and thier kids also come. What am I saying? Good books will trump naughty kids every time.

The Swede said...

I greatly enough the idea of stealing an ice cream truck.... - the Swede

Jo said...

This was a hilarious post. Thanks for the giggle today!


Mrs. Gamgee said...

I knew there was a reason I wanted to be a librarian...

Thanks for the chuckle!

Kir said...

OMG Molly, I just wet myself laughing and seriously I feel a little cooler now. :) LOL

what a fantastic post!!!