"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Sunday, August 07, 2011

The Grass is Always Greener?

Hi all!
I am Rachee from the blog Say it Rah-shay. Kristin is at BlogHer and asked if I would write a guest post. Last week I kinda sorta jumped the gun and posted earlier than I was supposed to. Fortunately I was offered the opportunity to post again and jumped at the chance.

Total self promotion: If you like what you read, take a looky loo at my site, on 'the' Twitter or like me on Facebook.

Now then:
Through the magic of Netflix streaming I have been watching Mad Men, the AMC drama that shares the tortured existence of advertising executive Don Draper. So far I am not convinced that this show lives up to the hype that has earned it nineteen Emmy nominations but I am also a woman who thinks Pootie Tang is the height of hilarity. In spite of my lack of taste I have been continuing to voraciously watch each episode so that I can keep up with the shenanigans of the Sterling Cooper gang. If you haven't seen the show I won't spoil it but will share that Don eventually divorces his perfect wife, Betty Draper, after years of an unhappy marriage.

In one episode Betty sees Don out on a date with a young woman and boy of boy is Betty pissed. Later she tells her friend Francine that she ran into Don and that she "misbehaved," Betty confesses. She also feels that Don is "living the life," she explains. "He doesn't get to have this family and that." Francine cautions her to be careful. "Don has nothing to lose, and you have everything," she says. Later in the episode Betty realizes that she does indeed have everything.
Watching this episode made me think about that time way back when my ex and I separated. Although I was the one who initiated things it seemed as if he thrived while I weeped miserably and tried to figure out what and where I was headed. It always seemed as if The Ex was living the high life. After our break up I moved out of our home and back with my mom. Later I realized that the time I spent with my mom was exactly what I needed to get my head back together but at the time all I could think was that my ex was having all of the fun. Yes, I was a grown woman (with my own kid!) but I was living back home and whether I liked it or not there were some courtesies I felt I had to observe. When I started dating again there was no staying out all night, there was no bringing him back to 'hang' and it just felt like I was some teenager again. Meanwhile The Ex seemed to be living the life of Riley. He was kid free and mom free and it seemed as if he was just free to be him. The Bee would wax excitedly about the things they would do when they were together, the places they would travel and it just seemed like fun, fun, fun. Meanwhile life for me seemed to be majorly sucky.

Admittedly I was not in a good place. I was distraught over not being married, work was not going well, and I was just, well a hot mess. During this period of my life it seemed that everything that I touched fell apart yet The Dad seemed to thrive. Eventually things got better for me. I got my gig at the library, developed a great relationship with my mom, have a closer relationship with my child and met my dude. But to be honest there still seemed that The Ex's life just seemed better.

Watching the anguish in Betty's face as she sees Don out with another woman makes me think of the time The Ex admitted that the woman our daughter told me about was more than a friend. In fact they were seriously dating. I can remember feeling totally distraught. Despite not being 'together' it still felt unfair that he should just sail through our breakup totally unscathed. It seemed unfair that he sorta had a glow and a spring in his step when he went would come by yo pick up our kid. While I realize that life is unfair there was nothing that I wanted to do more than to get a chance to even the field.

Now that I am in a better place I realize that I too have what I need. A wonderful (at times) relationship with my mom, a closer relationship with my kid and a job that I love. Talking with The Ex, it seems that the tide has turned. I cannot say more; that's his story to tell. What I can say is that I am loving where I am and do not care what it looks like from across the fence.

Enjoying my lawn,