"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Friday, September 25, 2009

37 Things Women Should Teach Their Daughters About Men

Gabe and I went shopping for new shoes (more on that later) and, when we got home, The View was on. Whoopi and the girls were talking about this list that went up on Frisky.com about37 things women should teach their daughters about men. They didn't read the whole list. They were just hitting some of the high (and low) points of the list. It got me curious so I went looking for it. Now, there are some really good points on the list but there are ones that make me want to go screaming into the night. I've put my changes in bold type next to the original.
    What Our Daughters Should Know About Men
  1. If you’re paranoid he’s cheating, then you don’t trust him and the relationship should be over.
  2. Going down isn’t shameful. There is nothing shameful about any sexual expression of love between two consenting, loving, committed adults.
  3. Learn how to satisfy yourself sexually.
  4. Men are powerless in the face of female sexuality. While men can be bowled over by female sexuality, a real man is in full control of his actions and never uses this as an excuse.
  5. Be honest and upfront about your feelings, and demand the same from men.
  6. Don’t try to change a man.
  7. If he’s annoying when you’re dating, then he’ll be annoying when you’re married.
  8. The first time he hits you is the last time he hits you, because you leave.
  9. “Perfect couples” have troubles too, so don’t compare your relationship to other relationships too much.
  10. If he’s not willing to work on the relationship, then he’s not invested in it.
  11. Flirting with other women in your presence is disrespectful and shouldn’t be tolerated.
  12. It’s OK to sleep with multiple men at the same time, as long as you’re honest with them and safe about it. Sexuality is about more than pleasure. It should be reserved for a loving, committed relationship. Multiple partners can wreak havoc with your emotions and your health.
  13. The STD talk really isn’t that difficult to have.
  14. Keeping your man sexually satisfied will do wonders for your relationship...and he should do the same for you.
  15. You both should be able to say “I’m sorry.”
  16. If he can’t laugh at himself, he’s too uptight.
  17. A man who cooks you breakfast in bed, gives you foot rubs, goes shopping with you or accompanies you to a *rom-com is worth his weight in gold.
  18. Mama’s boys are unlikely to prioritize your wants and needs above their mom’s wants and needs.
  19. Always trust your gut.
  20. Expressing strong emotions doesn’t make you crazy.
  21. Don’t bother overanalyzing him. His reasoning is likely very simple.
  22. Be able to take it as much as you dish it.
  23. Find a man that truly “cares” for you. When love and passion fade, “caring” takes over until they return again.
  24. Never waste your time with a man that makes you feel bad about yourself.
  25. You don’t owe him a thing, even if he buys you the most expensive dinner in town.
  26. Tease him. And just went he thinks he’s going to get it, tease him again. Never be a tease. It isn't nice. It isn't sexy. And, it can get you in a bad situation.
  27. There are seven excuses for getting out of anal sex. If he wants something sexually that you aren't comfortable with, just say no. You don't need an excuse. If he cares about you then he will respect your decision.
  28. You can’t own anyone and they can’t own you.
  29. It’s OK to just listen to him breathe sometimes.
  30. Men need to be cuddled and hugged, too.
  31. Find someone to share your life with, not fill in the gaping hole (not a vagina reference) in your life.
  32. Only you can make yourself happy.
  33. Love doesn’t hurt.
  34. Shoe shopping is great breakup therapy.
  35. Never settle.
  36. Date potential, instead of vainly searching for Mr. Perfect.
  37. Be a lesbian. It's ok if you are a lesbian. The important thing is that you search for a partner you respect and love.
What would you change? Which ones horrify you? Which ones make you think OMG, I can't imagine talking about that with my child?

*rom-com = romantic comedy = chick flick


Sheliza said...

I am actually feeling a little dirty right now! Lol!!! great tips!! Not sure how well they will go over with my daughters though ;-)

beth said...

Those are interesting, will file away...

Beautiful Mess said...

I've talked to Nae about sexuality but I've never REALLY gone into detail. I should. It makes me cringe to think about it, but I'd rather she hear it from me then one of her friends. Good Lord, I can't even begin to imagine what she'll hear.

I think I'm in agreement with everything on this list. Especially the physical/emotional abuse.

It also made me think how to not turn Zilla into a "momma's boy". I sure hope I haven't ruined him for any future partner already.

Together We Save said...

Will file this away and bring it out when the time is right. Good list though.

Another Dreamer said...

That's a good list, and I like your changes even better.

jill said...

Wow, that list is odd. Some things are great (#1 and #9 for example) and others make the list seem like a joke (#27 and #34 for example). I do like your additions/changes - they make the list a little more serious.

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I have been told I have PCOS but never really tested for it (at least not to my satisfaction). I really need to find another doctor and ask about it again. Oh and, crochet post coming soon! :)

chicklet said...

These are pretty good but the sexual ones are just weird? It's like they take the sex all to be so... weird is the only word I can come up with. They talk about teasing and coming up with excuses - what about enjoying yourself? What about empowerment through enjoyment? Strange.

Barb said...

I actually really like your changes... esp to #26 and 27. I find some of their attitudes toward sex to be too blase and/or not filled in enough with good info. So I like what you did with it.

I especially thought the "Be a lesbian" was weird. I mean.. it's ok if you are lesbian, but why would you have to TRY to be a lesbian? That is just like saying, "be heterosexual." Just strange.

wenn said...

hi..love doesn't hurt? sometimes it really hurts..

Me said...

Great post! - Tkeys *ICLW*

battynurse said...

I like your changes. I can't imagine telling my daughter that it's ok for her to sleep with multiple partners at one time. And I'm pretty freaking liberal. Many of them are really good. I think many of them I wish my mom had bothered to teach me.

~Tammy said...

Great post. Being the mother of two daughters, this one really gets me thinking.

Thanks, hon.

Tara said...

Ah, the anal sex thing? Did that really need to be in there? Probably not going to chat with my daughter about that one...

Aunt Becky said...

Beautiful and o! so true. Thank you for sharing. I know this will be my realm, so I'm gearing up for it in the future.

Quiet Dreams said...

I think that they probably had different people contribute to the list and compiled their answers, hence the hodgepodge of good/bad/in-between.

I think it's generally a good list, because it will get moms thinking about things that maybe haven't occurred to them to talk with their daughters about. It's also not set in stone; you can take it or leave it (or write your own versions, as Kristin did). :)

Anonymous said...

Be a lesbian?! Seriously? Is that what daughters should know about men? Most guys I know would seriously like to witness some lesbian action, so I don't know about that one. If I were a lesbian,I'd tell them to go blank themselves. And from what I know, being in a relationship with a woman isn't any less complicated that being in a relationship with a man. Just saying.


FET Accompli said...

Honestly, I wasn't impressed with this list!! The best thing about the list was the changes that you made to it. The list itself seemed cynical and, dare I say, half assed?? I didn't like: "It’s OK to sleep with multiple men at the same time, as long as you’re honest with them and safe about it." I'm not so sure about that for many reasons, the most basic being health. As safe as you are, things can still happen, condoms can break, etc. And then there is the emotional stuff, which you noted.

Lavender Luz said...

I really like your modifications.

It will be awhile before I can imagine having this talk with my daughter!