For those of you who aren't married, I need to remind you that men find it funny to blame their flatulence on others...preferably children or four legged creatures who can't deny the passing of said gas. While you are dating or newly ensconced in a household together, men try to behave like civilized creatures. That all goes out the window when you've been married long enough to have a child or two.
Now, to set the scene...picture a bedroom (door closed) with a man stretched out on the bed and the woman exiting the bathroom after brushing her teeth before bed....
From the direction of the man...BRRRRRAAAAPPPPP...followed by a horrendous cloud of gas
Wife: Damn honey...that really stinks.
Hubby (in best Tim Taylor/Home Improvement voice):Uh...wasn't me?!?
Wife: Then who was it?
Hubby: It was Joely (our dog).
Wife: Um, dear, the door is closed and she isn't in here.
Hubby (still using Tim Taylor/Home Improvement voice): Oooh, I meant Joey. His butt was sticking out from under the covers and he let one rip. The fart wafted across the room, down to the floor and under our door.
Wife: The we would have only smelled it and not heard it.
Hubby (still using Tim Taylor/Home Improvement voice): Didn't you know he was *fartriloquist (blend of fart and ventriloquist)?
Wife: Bwahahahahahaha...I can NOT believe you said that!
And with that, a new word enters our lexicon!
*fartriloquist - noun - a person who performs or is skilled in fartriloquism. (coined by Vic Cruz on 8/18/08)
fartiloquism - noun - the art or practice of farting in such a manner that the sound of the fart does not appear to come from the farter but from another source.
26 comments:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ok, so this SO sounds like something Billy would say to me!! Actually, I'm kinda surprised he never has...
My husband blames his shoe. Yes, his shoe, for "squeaking". He isn't right in the head. ;o)
*crying from laughing* All I can say is..."MEN". Bodily functions are hilarious to them, unless it comes from a woman. That's the case in my house, anyway.
HAHAHA! Too funny!
My husband claims it, but he doesn't do it very often. My father in law though is always blaming my mother in law, and I don't think she's ever farted in her life.
ICLW
OMG!! That is too funny, especially because I could picture that conversation with my husband. LOL!
Are you talking about my husband by chance?
Yeah, that word will be used in my house!!
Here from ICLW. Thanks for the laugh!!
Coming over from ICLW...
Mine is sooooo not manly man. He hates when I say the word "shit out loud. Heh. Im so lady like!
Now, where he lacks, my 2 yr old niece makes up for it. She will totally tell you she "fah-ted" and "et stenks!" haha stinky girl.
Ahhhhhhhhh so that's why boychild has developed his habit of blaming all flatulance on his sister. He's just practicing to be a man! LOL
I love the length Vic went to in blaming someone else! ROFL!
Too funny - have a hubby and three boys and a dog in our house. Yep we can definitely add these words to our vocabulary!
Priceless! I have to work that one into a conversation soon. It will crack my husband up, too!
Unfortunately, the rolls are reversed at my house. I used to blame it on hormones, but now? I don't have any excuses except the cats.
We've entered a new relm of fartdom in my house. Usually - if one of us farts - we'll say 'whoops' or 'excuse me' or SOMETHING to indicate the fart has occured. Last night, in bed, my DH let out a silent but REALLY deadly one... and I thought I was going to die. And he tried to deny it, and then started laughing. Sigh.
Marriage is awesome.
Oh my sweet baby Jesus that is funny.
In my house I am caught blaming the dog quite frequently. I can't throw stones.
I am going to use the the new word. I might try to work it in a conversation tonight he he
I LOVE your new word- I plan on using it as soon as the opportunity arises!
ICLW
HAha. My husband doesn't bother blaming it on anyone else anymore. Now he just tries to waft the gas my way!
ha ha! great word!!! men are so funny, although I have been soo gassy with this PG and I always blame the babies, DH hates that! He's like don't blame your disgustingness on my precious little babies! ha ha.
thanks for commenting on my blog!
Thanks for the nice comment. I love creating new words. That one is great though. My hubby blames the cats.
Oh funny!!!!!
I'm supposed to leave a comment (ICLW) but I don't even know what to say to that!
I love it. Will have to share it.
hahahaha!! i *cannot* wait to use that one on dh and my feisty BIL! they are going to roll with laughter.
thanks for visiting my blog and I'm looking forward to reading more on yours!
I love it!! A fartiloquist! I think that word may actually catch on.
ICLW
Here from ICLW. Go NC bloggers!
You know I would tell my significant other about this new word, but he really doesn't need any encouragement or vocab to go with his comfort, and pride in farting. I swear he asked me to pull his finger on our second date. I am marrying him by the way....
P.S. thanks for reading my blog! RE: child's pose...if you don't feel like you are super flexible, put a pillow between you and your knees as you fold over. This is a good variation during pregnancy as well :-)
That is hilarious! I'm suprised that that word hasn't crept into the vocabulary in our house yet. I'm definitely sharing that one. :)(ICLW)
Ha ha ha! At least your husband "tries" to deny it. Mine just lets 'er rip and then fans the covers so the wafting cloud creeps right up my nose.
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