"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Gnome in the Closet

Y'all, this really happened. An honest to goodness case of truth is stranger than fiction.

I have a good friend who works as a nurse and she works a typical nurses schedule. This lovely lady also has an autistic son. Her son is older and, although he is severely autistic, functions on a high enough level that he can be left alone during the day but she typically calls several times a day to check on him. This system has worked well for them for quite a while. No problems or issues until recently.

A few days ago, A called home to check on her son, C. She asked C how things were going. C said "Everything is fine. I'm just feeding Skittles to the gnome in my closet." Well, this statement was strange enough that A's mommy radar started shrieking "danger, danger, danger." Luckily, A has understanding bosses and she was able to leave work to go check on C.

When A got home, she found a dwarf Census Taker locked in her son's closet. Yes folks, a real live little person was the gnome in the closet. See, when the Census Taker knocked on the door and C answered, his saw the little person and his brain processed this as "OMG, a Gnome came to visit." So, C grabbed a blanket, threw it over the poor census taker, bundled him up, and shoved him in the closet. Then, C shoved a chair under the handle because everyone knows that's how you keep gnomes from escaping. C spent the time from then until his mom got home slipping Skittles to the gnome he so luckily capture. Some one was looking after C and his mom because the gnome dwarf census taker didn't even call the police.

Honestly, my heart goes out to the poor man...but, that doesn't stop me from totally losing my shit every single time I tell the story. I guess I'm just warped that way. The first few times I told the story, I made it to the point when A got home and started laughing so hard I couldn't even talk. Seriously, I had tears streaming down my face and was just screaming with laughter.

So, every time you hear a story that makes you shake your head at the sheer fucknuttery of the situation, every time you hear a story that you just swear can't be true, remember the gnome in the closet! Truth is stranger than fiction y'all.

29 comments:

Sheliza said...

omg!! Craziness! What a story, can't say I ever heard anything like that before! What a nice man for not calling the police.

areyoukiddingme said...

I know it's not PC, and I feel a little bad for the census taker, but how hilarious! If I were telling that story, I would be crying!

Samantha said...

Hahaha I needed this! I'm glad everyone made it through ok!

T Lee said...

It's completely not PC, and I'm sooo going to hell for it, but that is the funniest shit I have heard in a loooooong time. I'm absolutely crying right now. And thank goodness the little person was so awesome about it! It could've been really bad... but omg, too funny...

..Soo.See.. said...

How Crazy! I couldn't help but laugh either!! Glad everyone is alright, but just incredible!

battynurse said...

Oh my God. How freaking funny. Not so for the gnome I know but wow. And what a nice guy for not calling the police although I'm guessing that now he's gotten past the fear of being tossed in a closet he's probably getting some laughs out of this as well. One of those "you'll never believe what happened to me" kind of stories that float around work places.

Another Dreamer said...

Sweet word, that is nuts! That poor census taker, what a day- imagine the story he has from this! And since everyone is okay, I think it's okay that I chuckled a bit... right?

Lavender Luz said...

I know I shouldn't be chuckling, but...

Alex said...

OK, I'm dying of laughter! I swear to you this happened - I just heard last week of a similar story, except it was an adult mentally handicapped guy who lived on his own, and the guy called his mom who checked on him occasionally. He told his mom that he caught a troll, and she needed to come over right away. But mom didn't believe him, so she didn't come over until the NEXT DAY! Finally she came over and discovered the troll was a little person Jehovah's Witness!!! It's like an epidemic... LMAO!!!!

Kymberli said...

dude, seriously? that's too damn rich. :)

Suzy said...

Holy Crap!!! Truth really is stranger than fiction!

Nic said...

OMG!! That is so fucking funny!! Poor man, so nice of him not call the police though

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Oh, hon... I soooooo needed this laugh! I'm so glad that the Census Taker had a sense of humour!

Nina said...

See, I heard this story this week, too. A guy I used to work with said that a woman he worked with had this happen to her. I never laughed so hard! Then, when I got home, I posted it on my husband's forum site, and they said that this story's been going around the snopes.com website forever, but the site just said that it was possibe, yet highly improbable, not that it had been disproved. I thought he was just embellishing, but apparently, he knows your friend! He's a travel nurse.

Carrie27 said...

Bwahaha! How many times did you have to stop typing so you could see through the tears of laughter.

T Lee said...

So I've been stewing over this for a day or two, and I just need to know... Did he eat the skittles?

Jericho said...

Ha ha ha! I laughed so hard that I cried and had to take a ten minute break away from the computer! Wow! Thanks for sharing, no matter how ridiculous that is, it sure brightened my day!!

Beautiful Mess said...

OMG! I can barley type, I'm laughing so hard! AHAHAHAHA!!!
*HUGS*

Beautiful Mess said...

OMG! I can barley type, I'm laughing so hard! AHAHAHAHA!!!
*HUGS*

Stacie said...

That is an awesome story! I feel bad for the census taker, too, but OMG. I am laughing out loud at this. Too funny!

Lindsay said...

I know it's not PC but my sides ache from laughing so hard!!!!!!

MrsSpock said...

OMG! That poor man!

Claire said...

Ok.. Ok.. OKAY!! I'm shaking my head & my face hunts.. hang on while I attempt to regain composure.
#1- I re read the first 2 paragraphs 3 times just because every time I died a little with "NO HE DIDNT!!"
No one got hurt.. it's hilarious.. I only feel SLIGHTLY bad about laughing..but not bad enough that I will not be refering this post to everyone I possbly know.
OMFG.. I am officially your newest stalker!!

Claire said...

OK.. so if you get a million hits on this today..its from me. I am forcing everyone to read this so I can laugh with them..I keep finding myself randomly chuckling about it, like, while rocking my kids..I just think of it..then the door handle..the skittles..it's all to perfect!
Thanks for sharing this with me!!

Anonymous said...

What state did this occur in??? I have heard a very similiar story!

jeangnome said...

There are several versions of this story online. I seriously doubt that it's true. But, I must say this one is the funniest of all the ones I found!

Anonymous said...

This is fake, shocker. I've heard/read this about 5 times now. good try.

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