"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I think of myself as a naked blogger...not that I sit around in the nude and blog, but I think of myself as hiding nothing. And, that's mostly true.

But, when I'm honest with myself, I admit there are things I've never quite fessed up to or mentioned around here. So, when I ran across the post Things I'm Afraid To Tell You over at Sluiter Nation, I was intrigued. After reading Kate's post and following the links to the original post at Makeunder My Life, the post by Ez at Creature Comforts, and the coverage at HuffPo, I decided I needed to join the movement.

So, my lovely friends, readers, and commenters, y'all are going to get a chance to peer into the dark recesses of my mind. Hopefully, I won't scare anyone too much.
  1. I'm a sucky housekeeper...really. I love having a clean house and, once it's clean, I can keep it that way but I SUCK at motivating myself to get things done. Sure, I do dishes. I wash clothes. I clean nastiness. I keep our house a safe place to live and grow up in but I am really, really bad about putting things away. I have piles of thing...neat piles but piles nonetheless. I don't vacuum as often as I should. I still have boxes in my closet and the corner of my room from when we moved in years ago. I justify it by saying I maintain my sanity by writing my blog and doing my crafts but the real truth is I HATE cleaning and avoid it if I can.
  2. I have a major fear of failure...I always have...to the point where I avoid doing some things because I'm afraid I won't do them well. It's funny because it's not that I care what other people think. It's all on me.
  3. Sometimes, I do things just because I know it will drive my kids crazy. I know it's not the nicest way to behave but it's funny as hell and it makes me laughhttp://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8678310#editor/target=post;postID=3118424626629283603.
  4. I both don't give a damn what people think about me and have an almost desperate need to belong. It all goes back to the bullying and teasing and feeling like an outsider when I was younger.
  5. I went through sorority rush in college and didn't get in anywhere. Most days, that doesn't matter but when that insecure girl who lives deep inside of me peeks out, I still wonder why none of them wanted me in their group.
  6. I am a major procrastinator. Sometimes it goes to such an extreme that I end up scrambling to complete something I've committed to.
  7. Gabe has learned to floss regularly despite the fact that I set a sucky example with flossing. I brush my teeth religiously but flossing doesn't happen all that often.
  8. We've been through a bankruptcy. My husband blew out his knee when he was on the job as a firefighter and, even though we were on workman's comp, we lost 33% of his income over night. We did everything we could and we still couldn't save our house.
Gulp, hope I didn't scare anyone off with these things I was afraid to tell you (well, more things I just don't really talk about). If any of you are brave enough to join in, I'll maintain a list here. I really hope to have some company because this is actually liberating.

Participants
JHL at A Half Baked Life
Pomegranate Smith at Too Many Fish to Fry

Comments (9)

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Not scared. You are an amazing person and friend. I am lucky to know you!

I can so relate to #1,2,4, and 6. I'm pretty much the same as you described there. Sigh. All of those things bother me to no end, but I can bring myself to do anything about it but pretend that I don't have issues with them!
You are an amazing woman, Kristin.

And yes, I am awed by how much you share.

Join my club - I am awful at housework too. I do everything that needs to be done, but just as things get cleaned and folded, they start getting messy all over again...bah!

#4 is me. It is both the things - I couldn't care less, and yet there is a need to belong.

My fear?

- We are in a very volatile place with our finances (because of the job situation). I am afraid that we will land up being mediocre with our earning skills when these are the best years to be making money for a lifetime.

- I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to cop out enough to turn from a good teacher to a great teacher.
I am so with you on #1.

If you were aiming to scare me away, it didn't work :-)
Yep ... fear of failure, check. Wanting to belong and sort of not caring ... check. I actually think you're pretty honest, too ... it's refreshing to see someone who can laugh about their crazy days, instead of pretending they didn't happen. I've said it before but I think you're pretty amazing, too ... and I don't know how you manage to do everything you do and still put an intelligent sentence together!
battynurse's avatar

battynurse · 663 weeks ago

I'm not a big fan of housework either. My excuse and saving grace is that I'm the only one here and so the mess is only mine. I can live with it or not and clean it up.
I also tend towards the fear of failure, procrastination and fear or extreme occupation with what others think of me. It's led me to not follow up with my surgeon for over a year. I did bite the bullet though and went in today and made an appointment for next week.
I am very inconsistant when it comes to housework too and would rather read/write/blog anyday over that. I also struggled between not caring what other people think and desparately wanting to feel appreciated/loved/included. I don't floss nearly as much as I should, which is rarely. So as you already know, you are not alone in much of what you shared. I hope it felt good to put this out here and know that it is validating to read it, as someone who shares many of your fears. Thank you for being brave, honest and an all-around awesome woman! :)
Um, hon? I have lived in your house. I'm still here, you can't scare me away much to Marty's chagrin. :-P I'll have to think on the list and get back to you. Although as you know I'm not a big fan of housework either. LOL
I'll be doing one of these posts, probably tomorrow. I thought it was next week (Confession #1: I'm not very organized.)

I loved this list. I don't floss much, either.

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