"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Monday, September 27, 2010

Do The Right Thing

I found out today that an 18 yr. old girl I know is pregnant.  She has no biological family but she does have people that care for her and will be there for her.  The father of her baby is a loser and things have been getting tenser and more volatile since they found out she is pregnant.  This girl has a good head on her shoulders despite ending up in this situation.  Despite her history, she already cares enough to consider the idea of adoption.  Because of her history and her quite natural issues with abandonment, she is shying away from adoption.  Part of the reason she has shied away from it is that she had been holding out hope that the baby's father would man up and do the right thing.  I don't think he will and I think she is starting to feel that way as well.

When I was talking to the adults in her life, I felt the almost overwhelming urge to tell them "Tell her it will be ok.  We'll take the baby.  It would be a completely open adoption.  We would love the baby as our own and she would be welcome in our life."  Luckily, sanity prevailed and I kept my mouth shut.  It is neither the time nor the place to even say anything about that. It just wouldn't be appropriate.  But, I did tell them I was here for the girl to talk to if she needed an non-judgmental ear and I did tell them I know many people who have been involved in highly successful open adoptions.

It's funny.  I had been slowly convincing myself the need for another child wasn't as strong as it had been before.  Now, faced with this, I feel the need for a baby.  I honestly expect this girl to keep the baby.  With her personal/family history, any other decision would shock me.  However, I think I want to sound my hubby out about this.  If she should surprise everyone and decide on adoption, I want to know where my family stands on it. 

No matter what happens, I need to start making a blanket and maybe a hat.  Every baby deserves to be celebrated and every mother, even a very young mom, deserves the support of those who care about her.


stitcheranon said...

Well done you for offering to make a hat and a blanket. I think it is quite funny how we assume young single mums are going to struggle more than older mums: historically the age at which women have had children has ranged from 14 upwards: in fact, older mums are a brand new thing.Of course, biologically 14 is way too young: but it was the norm just 200 years ago.
As for single mums: how many wars have we had? How many mums been left single through these and crimes, accidents and illness?
I was 18 when I had my first child and I was and am a fantastic mum. I know this because my 22 year old daughter tells me I was. My 15 yr old and 10 yr old son tell me I am. I am so glad you have offered to be there for this girl and help her celebrate the birth of her child, whatever she decided to do. Good for you!

andrea said...

that i such a hard position to be in - but it's great that you are there for her.

Barb said...

No matter what happens, I need to start making a blanket and maybe a hat. Every baby deserves to be celebrated and every mother, even a very young mom, deserves the support of those who care about her. - absolutely

I hope your weeks get better

Kakunaa said...

Way to go with the blanket. She will love it, and the support it implies.

Another Dreamer said...

I agree, way to go with the blanket and the support. I'm sure it will mean a lot to her.

And I often find it interesting how little things like that really get you thinking about your own life and where it's going.

..Soo.See.. said...

Oohhhh.. I can imagine that your heart strings were pulling and pulling hard. I think it's smart to talk to your hubby. It's the best place to start.. and the blankie/hat will be a great gift. HUGS, Kristin!

Quiet Dreams said...

It's interesting what feelings lie dormant and then rise up, fully awakened when we are faced with a situation that triggers us.

So hard, so hard, these kinds of situations.

Dora said...

Wow, so hard. Yes, every baby and new mom deserve to be celebrated. A blanket and hat made by you will be such a special gift. I felt warm and fuzzy every time I tucked the blanket you made for Sunshine around her in the stroller last Winter.

I trust your instincts when you say you think this young woman will choose to parent, but I will say that I think you would handle an open adoption with such love and grace.

battynurse said...

It's interesting how it's always in the back of our heads.
My best friends daughter was pregnant a couple years ago at 16 and my first thought was that I could adopt the baby. Not practical or much else but it's where my mind went.
Hugs to you and many good thoughts to this young girl and her unborn baby. No matter what she decides.