When I'm sitting here in the quiet, soaking in the peace that only happens after everyone else is in bed, my mind wanders. Sometimes my mind turns towards concerns and I fret and worry. Sometimes my mind says fuck thinking, I'm just going to veg. On days when I'm particularly tired, my brain may turn to the self pity mode of holyshitwe'vebeenthroughsomuchcan'tthepowersthatbeleaveusaloneandletusrelax. But many nights, while the quiet enfolds me, I wonder how I got to be the lucky one...how I got to be so blessed.
And, really, I am one of the lucky ones. Despite the seemingly unending list of medical bullshit that's been thrown at us, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a husband who loves me beyond reason. I have three generally happy, generally healthy kids. I have parents and family who love me and love each other still. And, yeah, we have to cut corners and trim every bit of fat from our budget but I have the freedom and privilege to be a stay at home wife and mother.
I think at times it is so very easy to fall into the trap of lamenting what we don't have...the 4th child you so desperately wanted, the extra money to allow for luxuries, a bigger house. I know I fall prey to that all too easily. But, then I get one of those lovely, delicious quiet moments and I have a chance to see how lucky, how miraculous my life really is. I still don't know what I did to be the recipient of so many blessings, how I got to be so lucky...but, I'm damned glad I am.
Do you think you're a lucky one or are you giving in to the woe is me trap? What makes you a lucky one?