In only 2 days, Marty and Joey start the school year. For me, this is a bittersweet moment. My boys are going into the 7th grade and the 3rd grade respectively. I am so excited for them and hope they have a wonderful school year. For me, personally, it's another milestone reached and I'm not quite where I want to be. I had hoped to be significantly into a pregnancy with our 4th living child. However, not only am I not hugely pregnant, I'm not there at all. This past year, we have focused on getting my husband's health stabilized. He has had huge issues with his diabetes and that put ttc on the back burner. As much as I would like another baby, his health is VASTLY more important to me. It just seems like the potential baby making time is slipping away and that makes me a bit apprehensive and scared.
Don't get me wrong. I love my life and I count my blessings daily. Despite secondary IF, I have 3 beautiful boys. Despite health issues and challenges, I have my husband and his health is stabilizing. I have friends and family that mean the worked to me. But, I'm a bit greedy and I want more. I want one more chance to nuzzle a sweet baby cheek. I want one more chance to wonder what our baby will look like and be stunned and thrilled when I find out.
In 2 more days, my two older boys will start another school year and hit another milestone. In 2 more days, I'll still be yearning for another chance...but, at least while I'm yearning, I am surrounded by love and laughter and family and friends.