"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Sunday, August 23, 2009

2 days away

In only 2 days, Marty and Joey start the school year. For me, this is a bittersweet moment. My boys are going into the 7th grade and the 3rd grade respectively. I am so excited for them and hope they have a wonderful school year. For me, personally, it's another milestone reached and I'm not quite where I want to be. I had hoped to be significantly into a pregnancy with our 4th living child. However, not only am I not hugely pregnant, I'm not there at all. This past year, we have focused on getting my husband's health stabilized. He has had huge issues with his diabetes and that put ttc on the back burner. As much as I would like another baby, his health is VASTLY more important to me. It just seems like the potential baby making time is slipping away and that makes me a bit apprehensive and scared.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life and I count my blessings daily. Despite secondary IF, I have 3 beautiful boys. Despite health issues and challenges, I have my husband and his health is stabilizing. I have friends and family that mean the worked to me. But, I'm a bit greedy and I want more. I want one more chance to nuzzle a sweet baby cheek. I want one more chance to wonder what our baby will look like and be stunned and thrilled when I find out.

In 2 more days, my two older boys will start another school year and hit another milestone. In 2 more days, I'll still be yearning for another chance...but, at least while I'm yearning, I am surrounded by love and laughter and family and friends.

7 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

It's a tough situation to be in, you know your are blessed, yet you would still like just one more blessing. I don't think you're being greedy. i think you just have a lot of love to give and you envisioned your family a certain way. Nothing wrong with that, in my book.

May your dreams come true and you are nuzzling another baby cheek soon.
*HUGS*

Lost in Space said...

Not greedy at all. A heart wants what a heart wants and no dream should have to be changed. I'm hoping yours is achieved soon.

Thanks so much for the sweet comment you left on my blog and for the kirtsy nomination. I am so beyond touched by this...

Emma said...

I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately in our case number four never happened, and now there seems to be no chance at all that it ever will. I will say that, although I have been very sad about it all over the past few years, I am beginning to move on. I hope that your baby dreams come true ((hugs))

kathi said...

I don't see greed here, just someone with more love to give. Glad to hear your husband's health issues are getting under control, and how wonderful to celebrate yet another milestone in your sons' lives.

(Thanks for visiting my blog!)

:: ICLW ::

Missy said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. I mostly crochet scarves and blankets b/c I'm not good at getting the gauge right. So I stick to things where size is not so important or I can adjust it myself by cutting out a row or few stitches. I've been thinking of learning to knit just because I wonder if it is easier to do things at a particular size.

becoming whole said...

Someone with as much love to give as you should be able to give it. That goes for a lot of us, I guess. And you are just about the last person I would associate with the word "greedy."

Beautiful new picture of you, also.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

I'm with you...

And I don't think we're greedy, I think we just want our hearts to feel fufilled. For some that's no kids. For others it's 2, 3, 4, etc.

Hugs!