"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Another one bites the dust...

Today I should have been 5 weeks 2 days. Instead, chalk up one more loss. My back started bothering me yesterday morning and I just chalked it up to sleeping wrong. But, I was the one who was wrong. I saw bright red blood this afternoon. My OB was going to do an u/s first thing tomorrow am but I decided to go ahead and use the last two hpts I had. A week and a half ago, I got light but very distinct lines at night. This afternoon I got the two biggest BFNs you've ever seen.

Yes, I am sad but for some reason I do not feel overwhelmed. For this, I am thankful. If I was overwhelmed and devastated, my hubby would be much less likely to want to try again (he hates seeing me in pain). From a medical standpoint, I am relieved it happened now rather than 3 or 4 weeks from now. Its more likely to be a random loss (which SUCK just as badly) than related to the clotting issues. Maybe I'm just rationalizing away everything but, if it allows me to keep a grip on my emotions and sanity, I'll take it.

14 comments:

chris said...

I am so sorry. I was very happy to see the news of your pregnancy. I know how you feel about not wanting your husband to see how bad things really are because he may want to stop trying. I really try hard to hold it all together so that he'll think everything is okay.

I think you're right about it being a random loss and not being related to the clotting issues. The RE in Chicago said that most clotting issues don't present themselves until after the 7th week or when the placenta starts doing it's job.

Take care of yourself. YOu are in my thoughts.

Julianna said...

I am so sorry. That completely sucks.

Take care.

Dee said...

I'm so very sorry....

The Barrenness said...

Sorry about your loss.

Anonymous said...

NO NO NO NO NO!!! Kristin, I'm so very sorry. I've been thinking of you... I'm glad you are able to keep sane. This is a very difficult time and please know I'm here if you need to talk. Keep well my friend.

sweetisu
http://sweetisu.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.
Jen/VintageUterus

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry. My most recent miscarriage (at 6w, 2d or so) kind of felt the same way. It was still really hard, but have I just gotten used to the pain?

My husband has such a rough time seeing me in pain that I just don't think that he can do it anymore. Of course not trying anymore doesn't put me OUT of pain. It's so complicated.

No matter what, it still sucks. I'm sorry.

Patricia
http://laf.typepad.com/

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. Yes, the reandomness is what totally, totally blows.
Menita
(lifesjestbook)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Loss, even though random, is so very painful, no matter the circumstances.

Take care of yourself.

Emily
scrambledeggs

E. said...

Oh, no. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Barren Mare said...

I'm very sorry- thinking of you.

DeadBug said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and hoping this impressive strength and grip you have right now sees you through.

--Bugs

Lala said...

I, too, am sorry to hear this crummy news.

Suz said...

I'm so, so, sorry.