To try or not to try...that is the question.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know its a badly mangled version of a Shakespeare quote but I just don't have any creative title ideas for this post. I have been thinking a LOT about trying for another baby. I am really conflicted about this. Part of me feels it would be tempting fate to try again. We went through so much and traveled so very far to get our Gabriel. How could it possibly end so well again? But, I also truly do feel that there is suppose to be a 4th child. If we don't try for that 4th child, I think I will always wonder and question my decision. Then, there is the age factor. I am 38 and my husband is 48. If we are going to do it, it would have to be soon. Then, there is the fact that we are just now financially cutting it after my husband's career ending injury in 2001 devastated our finances. However, finances are a changeable thing. Do I make a permanent decision based on temporary/changeable circumstances? My husband is in a secure job. His salary will do nothing except go up. His boss said he was the best thing that happened to the department last year.

Getting pregnant again would mean 3 months of progesterone and 9 months of twice daily anti-coagulant injections. This has to be a conscious decision. I have to either decide to do it or decide not to do it. I can't let it just happen because if I did, I would be signing up for another miscarriage. Ugh...its not fucking fair. Why can't it be easy? Why can't I just decide to let nature take its course? Can't I please go back to the days of naivety and be sure that no matter what it will turn out ok?