"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Monday, May 02, 2005

Tomorrow makes me nervous...

Tomorrow, the 3rd, I will be 8 weeks 5 days. That was the largest my baby girl measured (last summer) before we lost her. Now, I know her growth had probably slowed and we probably didn't lose her until 9+ weeks but the significance of the dates make me nervous. I know this is an illogical fear but, dammit, I don't feel like being logical.

I should be getting another ultrasound sometime in the coming week and seeing that beating heart again will help allay these fears. I don't know what day my next u/s willbe because my doc was out of town last week when I went in to do my paperwork. I told the nurse I didn't want to know when he was getting back...I didn't want to know his vacation timeline...because every time I had a pregnancy go to hell in a handbasket he was out of town. I figured I would save myself some worry if I could just lie to myself and say he was already back so everything was safe. I think I will call in tomorrow and ask about a specific date for my next u/s...or maybe not...cause I really don't want to know if my doc is still out of town.

Right now I'm laughing my ass off at how neurotic and illogical this post is...sorry folks, thats my state of mind right now.

Oh yeah, so far so good with this pregnancy...I can already notice my waistband getting a bit tighter.


Ana said...

Kristin, I can totally understand why you're nervous but I'm sure everything is going to be just fine! I'm thinking about you!

Marivic said...

I've been so nervous, didn't know what to do with myself, turns out buying bigger pants that actually fit helped a lot (the exact opposite action my nerves were dictating). I'm 8w4d today, thought I'd feel better after 5.5 weeks (both my last recent m/c's). Then I thought "8 weeks, that's when most of the initial development - organs, etc. - then I can relax." Now it's "9 weeks, that's when the placenta takes over." I'm sure on Friday (at 9w) I'll set my sights on the magic 12 weeks, who knows.

So I guess there's always something to worry about, it's how we handle the worry, and you seem to be handling things really well. I look forward to reading all about your progress. Take care!

Jen P said...

I think those of us who've been there know that completely illogical neurotic feeling. It's nothing to be ashamed of...miscarriage hurts. Pregnancy is scary.

Which is why my fingers are crossed so tight and this little one is doing soooo well. Good luck getting the scan, come back home DR!!

Best wishes

Dee said...

Hoping like mad that yesterday went by completely normal. I know it was a milestone day for you and I wait to know that you and this dear baby both made it through with flying colors :-)

The Lioness said...

Neuroses are healthy actually, go for them, do and feel what it takes. Thinking of you.