"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Monday, October 11, 2004

Testing the waters

I don't really know where to start. My blogdom virginity was broken when I found the writings of the incomparable Grrl...what a way to pop the cherry. My husband and I have been trying to conceive our third child for about 3 years now (I guess I should call it tertiaryinfertility instead...hey!! I said tertiary...not Tertia) It was such a relief to find someone who got what we've been going through. Hell, there's a whole world of bloggers out here who understand infertility and the havoc it wreaks on your life.

Here's my story in a nutshell...my oldest son is 7 1/2 and my youngest will be 4 in November. In between them, we had a miscarriage at about 5 to 6 weeks. Neither of my successful pregnancies were normal but we had still been able to bring home two beautiful boys...who've grown into two wonderful hellions. In 2001, we decided it was time to have a third baby. I was still planted firmly in the fertile universe. I assumed everything would go as planned and we'd bring home another baby...hopefully no more than a year later. Damn, I was disillusioned! 5 losses in 19 months and my feet are now firmly planted in the infertile world. Out of those 5 losses, I have had 3 D&Cs and 2 chemical pregnancies (Gawd I hate that term). One of the D&Cs was only 3 1/2 weeks after I'd seen my sweet baby's heartbeat. In those weeks, my little girl grew big enough that the final u/s showed her arms and legs but, sadly, no beating heart. Her name is Eva and I miss her so much. I hope that just like Eve was the first woman, our Eva will be our first little girl.


Mrs. D. said...

Great start on a new blog Kirsten! I will come back and visit often! Thanks for the post on mine... I hope that you did write Oprah too! I REALLY feel like we women need the support of being recognized!

Love the blog title!


Sanorah said...

I would say welcome…but somehow that just doesn’t seem appropriate. Infertility sucks big time (ttc 4 years come February 2005). I’ve been blogging less then 4 months but it is a real comfort to get to know these wonderful women through their blogs and to feel a little less alone.
Best of luck to you,