"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Saturday, June 30, 2012

That's What She Said...

In the first That's What S/He Said post, I promised you two funny stories. Here's number two...

Every now and then, you meet someone you instantly connect with, someone you know has the potential to be a lifelong friend. I was lucky enough to have that happen. In addition to all the amazing women I met (really, I don't want to name names...I'm terrified of forgetting someone), I met one woman who qualifies as a soul sister. It's a good thing Adrianna is amazing otherwise I might just have to hate her. She is gorgeous, skinny, smart, and a full out geek.
The fabulous Adrianna and me
As much as I adore her, Adri is the subject of this That's What She Said story. I have to tell it because it is something I could do...a slip of tongue exactly like what's happened to me.

Remember how I mentioned that I was in information overload? Well, Adri was suffering from the same thing. Only when Adri deals with information overload, she tends to drop off in the middle of conversations or sentences and move on to something new. Adri was telling a group of us how this amazing blogger/photographer (lets call her H) had offered to shoot head shots for anyone who wanted them done for only $50. Adri said something along the lines of "You should see the pictures she took of me. H gave me such good head....." and then she turned and started another conversation.

I couldn't help it. I started giggling. I knew she meant head shots but she said head. Adri gave me this look like what the hell are you laughing about and I asked her if she even realized what she said. Of course, she said no and I filled her in. It amused me so greatly that I proceeded to tell the story to everyone.

On the way home from dinner that night, we ran into Anissa and I told her the story. I knew she'd appreciate it. And, in classic Anissa style, she announced "That's what we need. We need to print t-shirts that say 'I got good head from H at Type-A Con 2012." Hmmmmmm, wonder what one of those t-shirts would go for?

Please share a story or a laugh or something. It's much more fun to laugh along with someone.

Friday, June 29, 2012

First in, Last out...

There are so many reason that Type-A Con rocked my world and one of them is I finally got some really good pics of myself. See, I'm usually the one behind the camera or the one sketching and drawing. I rarely have the camera pointed at me unless I'm doing a self portrait.
The first caricature drawn by the fabulous artist, Bat Hilliard, hired by ShotAtLife
Photo take by the amazing and beautiful Sarah of Water Water Everywhere
The very last photo taken by the photo booth at the Ubisoft 80s dance party
I am so thrilled to have these pictures as a way to remember Type-A Con. Do you have any favorite pictures you'd like to share?

That's what S/He Said...

Y'all, ever heard a story so funny you laughed until you cried? I know I certainly have. I have not one, but two laugh outloud stories about TypeACon. Interestingly, both stories at least peripherally involve Anissa Mayhew. By that measure (and many others), it was a totally kick ass conference.

Story 1

One afternoon, I was coming up the escalator and who should I see near the top but Anissa and her posse. The only two I can swear to being there were Anissa and Charlie Capen, the amazing writer from How To Be A Dad and at least occasional columnist at HuffPo. There were at least 3 other people there but the hilarity erased their names from my brain. I'm sorry. As I step off the escalator, I hear Charlie saying something that sounds vaguely like dinosaur names but isn't which totally cracked me up because of Gabe's history. I briefly mentioned this link to Charlie and the nameless (not really but, once again, brain fart here people, me no remember) person he was talking to and turned to talk to Anissa.

Behind us you can still hear Charlie talking but, I was being good and polite and paying attention to the people I was talking to until that moment. It was like a TV moment. You know when something so outrageous is said that everyone's head whips around to face the speaker at once.
(like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons...
kinda funny since it was Charlie talking)
Waawaaa waaa waa waa wa wa
Waawaaa waaa waa waa wa wa
Charlie Capen is a giant cl*t
Waawaaa waaa waa waa wa wa
All of us must have had that OMG did he really say that and then the tweeting began. As the first person tweeted, I felt the need to remind them to add the conference hashtag (#typeacon). And, while person#1 didn't get the official hashtag added, person #2 did...cue evil laugh bwahahahahahahahahaha. Charlie is saying (with a touch of desperation) "1 is a rumor but 2 is confirmation." I tapped Charlie on the shoulder, pointed at Anissa, and said "What does three make it?" Charlie yelled "No, Nissa, no!" And, Anissa looked up, gave him a blank stare and said "I'm handicapped. I didn't hear you." and she kept on typing.

I seriously lost it. Anissa rocked that deadpan delivery. And, that's what s/he said!

Come back later for story 2.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Information Overload, Type-A Style

Almost 80 business cards collected...

Sessions about blog design, coding, vlogging and more...

Long time friends finally met and hugged in person...

Some very special new friends made (maybe even a few lifelong type ones found)...

Made some incredible connections with sponsors and brands...

Got to see some of my favorite bloggy friends for the first time this year...

1 migraine, 1 weird window breakage in the WellsFargo building next door, 8 blue line train rides, many amazing meals, and 2 stories  that beg to be told (have to figure out how)...

The Type-A Parent Conference was amazing and I can't say enough good things about the organizer extraordinaire, Kelby Carr. I have about a million posts to write, a ton of people to email, and about half a million blogs to read and twitter accounts to follow. I just can't do it yet because I am in complete information overload and need to process things. Hope to have my first real Type-A post for you tomorrow...late-ish.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Guest Posts: Kir from The Kir Corner

HI everyone, I'm Kir from The Kir Corner and I'm so happy to be guesting here today at Kristen's blog, while she eats, drinks, dances and has fun at her conference. (I'm only slightly jealous) Plus she and I will be hanging and being roomies at BlogHer this Summer. I can't wait to hug her again, because she is an amazing person who I am so happy to know.

I was going to share some fiction with you today, but I didn't get it written in time. If you'd like to check out what I have in progress right now on my blog, you can click GATHERING BUTTERCUPS and read the story so far or you can click Kimmy & David, the story I wrote last year.

Instead, I am reposting a favorite memoir piece of mine about me, my mom and the way we solve problems. I am sure every woman can relate on some level, even if you don't come from a very CLEAN family like mine.

Here is Cleaning House:

Cleaning House
I come from a long line of women who believed that in order to remain sane,
the house must be dust free.
My earliest memories of bonding with my mother on a Saturday involved , not a trip to the mall with a vanilla shake between us, but rather the smell of lemon polish on  my father's old Tshirts, her voice telling me that they were good to use because they had been washed to a softness that wouldn't scratch our tables. 
And while the amount and extent of those cleanings could run the gamit of the OCD spectrum, where baseboards and windows were a part of weekly cleanings, I grew to  look forward to the times when our tasks were  merely the background music for the retelling of stories from my mom's memory.
While, I scrubbed a bathroom floor I could learn about how my mother grew up and away from her parents and the small town where she grew up, while I organized a sock drawer I was regaled with small glimpses into her life as the only child of a woman who loved a clean home and Bingo and a man who worked nights and enjoyed a card game on occasion.

We would fold clothes and I could relive her  years in nursing school, sneaking cigarettes and shining the white shoes of the seniors on her floor. Her hazing , her time in the Operating Rooms and run ins with the house mother of her dorm making an entire season of Grey's Anatomy look tame and uneventful.

Those stories are what made those days of cleaning tolerable , where  long before Ancestory.com
I was given a sneak peak into the history of my mom's life. Small snippets,  fuzzy pictures of
the things that made her who she was, the past that made her my present.

Sometimes I was awash in tears as I heard about my grandfather telling my mom that he was taking her mother to the hospital and maybe they would be home with a  brother or sister, only to have her mother come home without a sibling and without a uterus.

Others, I was full of fear and disgust for my grandmother who cared more about  her house being clean  &  quiet for her husband, than the hopes and dreams of her daughter. My mom lived a very quiet life in that house. She was hit, she was yelled at, she was diminished all in the name of love, she sought to be someone else. Better.

But there were also many times  she would let us take a break and we would sit on our couch , with the windows open and the sounds and smells of Spring filling our living room and she would make me laugh with stories of her aunts and uncles, Russian Christmases, the tiny tics and quirks that make a family. I would have her tell those kinds of stories over and over again. Watching her smile fade in and out as she rememeberd. 

Her big blue eyes widen and her laughter booming over me. I was lost in that world of  some people I would only know from her memories and others I would see at the next family get together.
This is how we communicate, my mother and I. We scrub and scour sinks and each other's psyches. We cannot sit quietly and rehash, we must have a table to wash, a load of laundry to hang on a line, or a bucket full of water between us to make the conversation meaningful.
My tribe of females doesn't  bond over baking dishes, kitchen aid mixers, or cupcake pans, we find our solace in soft rags covered in Pledge and under the comforters we place and straighten on our beds. Pulling and pushing them into place, fluffing a pillow, sliding a hand back over to remove the invisible wrinkles.

We've  dealt with the death of my father, my grandmother 's illness and subsequent move to an assisted living and my infertility by organzining closets and filling garbage bags with clothes bound for the Salvation Army. We have grieved and rejoiced, we have lamented and connected with our hands pruning in those  buckets full of sudsy water.
This is the way of my family, the place I come from.

One where a clean home can hide the hurt of all the clutter beneath it.
Thank you for letting me be here today Kristen, can't wait to see you in a few short weeks!!!

Friday, June 22, 2012

WTF Top Five

Hi All, Y'all!

I'm Jjiraffe from Too Many Fish To Fry.  I'm very honored to post today on Kristin's amazeballs blog, while she's off being AWESOME at the Type-A Conference. Dragondreamer's Lair is one of the first welcoming places I found when I started reading infertility blogs, so to be a guest poster now for Kristin feels like a true privilege. Kristin prompted me to write one of my favorite posts, ever just like she inspires countless bloggers all the time.

One of my very favorite things about Kristin's blog is her What The Fuck Wednesday. I've seen many strange things, but I don't think there's much more that tops the Louis Vuitton sticker car or, most recently, the iPhone umbilical charger.

So I thought I would share some of my favorite WTF moments from across the Web in honor of Kristin.

Here is my Top Five Biggest Internet WTF List:

1. I mean, you can't NOT have Cake Wrecks on a WTF list, right? My personal favorite Cake Wrecks post of all time is the "Problem with Phone Orders" cake.

2.  Remember "Ridiculously Photogenic Guy?" Dude was running a 10k and was caught in a random picture and became an instant meme. Seriously, who looks THAT GOOD while running a race? Also, I just learned his name is Zeddie Little and he is seriously adorable even when he's not running races.

3. Yes, auto-correct gets a lot of crap for its epic misspellings and substituted words. But what about spellcheck? Trust The Bloggess to catch this one...

4. Sick of hearing that song "Call Me Maybe?" You won't be after watching this rendition of a lovesick corgi barking it out. Seriously high-production values on this one. Watching this is like sitting in a rainbow on a hammock while a unicorn brings you a sweet tea and a kitten dances for you.

5. Finally, this one defies words. It was created by Matt Mulholland (a New Zealand comedian) and it belongs in a museum.

Do you have any good WTFs from life or the Internets? Please feel free to post them in the comments...and Kristin, I hope you are having a RAD time :)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Type-A Conference

Hey y'all, I'm hoping to have a few posts (pictures included) from the Type-A Conference in the beautiful city of Charlotte but I'm not promising anything. I will promise a complete wrap up once I get home on Monday. Until then, I have a couple of fabulous guest posters lined up for tomorrow and Saturday.

Hope everyone has a fantabulous weekend and I hope I didn't forget anything vital. Also, if any of you happen to see the hashtag #streakCharlotte in the #TypeACon twitter stream, please make sure Kelby is looking the other direction.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Trip the Light Fantastic

Y'all, the effort to teach our kids that drugs don't pay has been dealt a serious blow and the blow was frakking hilarious! When we were down at my parents' house, we all went to see Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted together. I honestly can't tell you who liked the movie more...the kids or the adults. I think this might have been the best of all the Madagascar movies. We all laughed so much and, during more than one scene, I was convinced that they has to have been on hallucinogenics to even come up with something like that. As the credits rolled, Marty looked at me and said "They forgot to put one person in the credits...they forgot to include their drug supplier."

As the credits were rolling, Gabe decided he desperately had to go to the bathroom so my dad headed out with him while the rest of us gathered up our stuff. As we walked out of the theater, I heard shrieks of laughter coming from the bathroom...shrieks of laughter that I KNEW were coming from Gabe. I was almost afraid to find out what was going on. Turns out that the shrieks of laughter were my dad's fault this time. He cracked Gabe up when he started doing this "you have to move it, move it" dance while they were drying their hands. I think he must have had a contact high from watching the movie.

I can't even begin to explain how much fun we all had. It really was a trip. And, while the teaser trailer and the second trailer gave you an idea what the movie is like, the true insanity of Madagascar 3 is captures in this Afro Circus Remix...you have to watch it...

Thursday, June 14, 2012

To post or not to post...

I have many things I want to post about.

I want to tell y'all about Madagascar 3 and the familial insanity that ensued.

I want to join in with the "things I'm afraid to tell you" posts over on Sluiter Nation.

I want to tell you about the AMAZING place we went to lunch this week.

I want to tell you about all the fun this week.

Instead, I'm getting ready to shut down my 'puter because I have a migraine. I thought I had it beat but sitting here has made it come screaming back. Catch you on the flip side, y'all.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

For three years, Joey has been letting his hair grow. It was long and curly and beautiful...but, it was pretty high maintenance. If it was not thoroughly brushed each and every day, sometimes twice or more a day, it could develop horrible knots. And, when I say thoroughly brushed, it involved wetting it with a spritz bottle of water, using leave in conditioner, and at least 15 minutes of work.

Joey decided he wanted to cut it before his week of boy scout camp this summer...a notion I whole-heartedly supported. I was having nightmares about how bad it would be if he spent the week at boy scout camp sans shower (rumors say this occurs frequently...they think swimming is enough). So, on Saturday, I got to play hair dresser and this is the story in pictures.
final long hair picture
ponytail down
Samurai Joe
Flock of Seagulls wanna be
the finished product
lookin' good
I think he looks great! What do y'all think?

Monday, June 11, 2012

In just one moment...

In just one thought...

In just one breath...

In just one moment, your world can change.

Yesterday, I got a poignant reminder of just how fast it can really happen. When I logged on late last night, I saw an announcement that broke my heart. Mrs. TDJ, a lovely woman I met through Monnie's blog, lost the love of her lifetime. On Saturday, with no warning, Mrs. TDJ's husband, her high school sweetheart, passed away.

Like Vic and me, Mrs. TDJ and her husband had spent 20 years together. Unlike us, she now has to figure out how to make it without her soulmate, how to be enough for their son. All of a sudden I got a sense of what it would be like, the magnitude of the loss...

All of a sudden, I found myself thinking, how would I manage if I ever had to live without my beloved. My heart shattered into a million pieces at even the thought of a loss like that.

Even if you don't know her, please keep Mrs. TDJ and her son in your prayers. And, in the mean time, stop and call your sisters...
hug your parents...
love your children without limitation...

make love with abandon...
hold each other close...
tell your partner you love and treasure them...

chase your dreams...
make some memories...
tell stories to your babies...

talk about your fears...
talk about your disappointments...
celebrate your triumphs...

Don't miss a moment of your life because it can all change in just one moment.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I forgot to breathe...

I've had an insanely busy 24 hours. Last night, at about this time, I realized that if I was going to pack for a week away, I had laundry that needed to be done. So, at about 11 pm on Saturday, I put the first of three loads of laundry in. The laundry wasn't 100% completed before I went to bed but I was down to only needing one transfered into the dryer when it was finished washing (Thanks Vic!...jealous much, my husband cooks, cleans, AND does laundry). When I stumbled back to bed at about 2:30 am, I set my alarm for 9. I figured the kids (at least the younger 2)&) would be up by then.

The one time in my life it would be helpful if they were up earlyish, they slept in. I put on a pot of coffee and sat down to read the news while it brewed. Gabe was up before the coffee was done and Joey wasn't two far behind. While they were waking up and eating breakfast, I folded 3 loads of laundry (whee fun...normally, Vic would fold it but they ha a really busy night at work) and knocked back my first cup of coffee. I started trying to wake Marty up at 10:30 so we could start packing for our trip out of town.The younger two and I got started picking out the clothes to bring with us and Marty finally dragged ass out of bed at about 11. God, I miss those teenage hours. I had the kids completely packed (clothes, electronic gadgets, chargers, Marty's school books, etc) by about 11:45. Now, I had to pack myself and get dressed. By 12:40, I was cleaned up, dressed and had my clothes and everyones toiletries and meds packed. By 1:20, I had all my work and projects I need to work on packed.

Did I mention that Gabe had a birthday party to go to that started at 2 and I still had to get to the store and pick up some things Vic was going to need over the course of the week? Yeah, since we were going to be gone, Vic picked up some overtime shifts and knew he wouldn't have time to get to the store so I had that to fit in too. Miraculously, Gabe and I walked into the party only 15 minutes after it started and he had a blast "skating". I say skating in quotes because, well, he is 6 and has only been on skates one other time. You can imagine how graceful he was. We left the party at 4:45 and I made it home in time to kiss my husband through his vehicle window as he left for work. At this point, I had 2 hours and 15 minutes to get everything wrapped up and get out the door so I could arrive at our destination in time (btw, our destination is an hour and 10 minutes away from my house).

In one hour, the kids and I loaded the van, tied two bikes to the top of the van, loaded the dish washer, made sure the dogs had been out, and got ourselves and both dogs in the van for the drive to my parents, house. I also broke up the hundred zillionth fight in 24 hours between my kids and threatened them with a complete ban on talking for the entire drive if they didn't reform themselves. We left the house at 5:45 and pulled into the parking lot of my mom's church at 6:55...with 5 minutes to spare. See, Gabe had an ice cream social for the day camp he will be attending this week. My parents met us in the parking lot and my Dad took my van, the dogs, and the two older kids back to their house. Gabe, my mom, and I went to his ice cream social. After the ice cream social which Gabe piggy backed onto birthday party food, we headed back to my parents'  house with a quick side trip to by sunscreen. Gabe proceded to spent the remainder of the evening eating his way through a large piece of pizza, about a pound of grapes, a few pieces of chocolate, a serving size container of pringles, and a granny smith apple. Gabe and Joey went to bed late. Marty is winding down for the night. Even the dogs are asleep. The quiet is calling to me and I'm about ready to go to sleep myself.

Oh shit, I think I hear Gabe calling bellowing for me...

I guess it's time to go again.

Tune in tomorrow for pictures of Joey's new haircut. You won't believe it.

Friday, June 08, 2012

Poor kiddo

My friends, my summer has gotten off to a rip roaring start. I spent part of the afternoon at the doctor's office with Joey. Poor kiddo...yesterday was his last day of 5th grade, the last day of elementary school. Today, he ended up at the doctor's office. I have to admit that he missed Wednesday afternoon of school this week because he came home with a migraine and later that evening he spiked a temp. But, his fever had broken and I didn't want him to miss the festivities planned for the 5th graders. I made the decision he was well enough to go in yesterday for the festivities. It may have been the wrong decision.

Joey had a great time with the school festivities, went to lunch with the family, and spent the afternoon playing with his best friend. But, late in the day yesterday, Joey started complaining that his throat hurt. He said it felt like he had a fever blister towards the back of his mouth. By this morning, his temp had returned (but at least was lower than the other day) and his throat hurt so much that he couldn't swallow pills. We hit closer to lunch time and Joey admitted he wanted to go get checked...which I was glad for because, honestly, I was worried it was strep.

The doc checked him out and is almost 100% certain that it isn't strep. He thinks it is a virus but, he ran a culture just to be sure. The poor kid is miserable and the reason his throat hurts so much is he has canker sores (from the virus) all over the back of his mouth/throat. Hopefully, the virus will have mostly run it's course by Monday (please God...Joey's suppose to start sports camp at the Y) and, until then, we treat with motrin, tylenol, and numbing throat spray.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Save Stitch

I don't know about you, but when I hear the name Stitch, I think of Lilo And Stitch. But, Stitch is also a sweet, loving dog who finally has a family that loves him and a little boy who adores him...
Save Stitch
For the first year of Stitch's life, he was neglected and abused. It got to be so bad that the mom of his teenage owner stepped in and found Stitch a new home. A lovely lady named Hollye and her family LEGALLY adopted Stitch. Since then, other people have gotten involved and have harassed Hollye and her family, have lied to the courts, and are trying to take Stitch away from his family. Tomorrow, Stitch's case goes to court. Click on that cute doggie button up above and you can read the complete story on the blog AlexandraWrote...just take your tissue with you because the story is heartbreaking.

Go like Stitchy the Wonder Dog on Facebook and follow him at  SaveStitch to show your support for animal rights. You can also get updates about the case and find out how his court date goes. Also, stop by Hollye's blog and offer her support or send her a tweet (). I am sure it will help to hear how many people support them.

UPDATE: I just stopped by Hollye's blog and found out there court date has been delayed until July 12th. Help me spread the word and help Hollye SAVE STITCH!

What The Fuck Wednesday: the iPhone Edition

Welcome one, welcome all! Welcome back to What The Fuck Wednesday, the prime location to read about products, items, and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter the phrase "What the fuck is that?"

On Memorial Day, ZAGG.com was holding an iPad an hour giveaway day. Entering was easy and you could earn extra entries by tweeting, posting to facebook, and pinning pictures from ZAGG.com. ZAGG provided the picture it wanted you to pin each hour. Most hours, the pin picture was related to giveaways or standard products...things you or I might buy or want to enter in a heartbeat. But, one hour, I had to create a brand new board because the item they wanted me to pin a picture of was beyond comprehension, beyond anything I would want. It was a WhatTheFuck inducing product. So, I created my WTF pinterest board.

What product was it? What could get this reaction from me? It was the iPhone Umbilical Cord Charger.
What makes it worse, what truly pushes it over the edge is this charger pulses and moves as it provides "life" to your iPhone. Check out this video...

So, share a What The Fuck Story. Tell me what's the weirdest or grossest electronics accessory you've seen or heard about recently. Come on y'all, entertain me!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

And two shall be one...NOT

The people promoting Amendment One in North Carolina described it as supporting the sanctity of marriage. Sadly, many people didn't stop to consider the many effects this poorly worded amendment (or, if they did, they didn't give a shit which is even sadder. One of the many things opponents warned about is the fact the Amendment One voids "other types of domestic unions from carrying legal status, which opponents warn could disrupt protection orders for unmarried couples."

Y'all, I'm sorry to say that this exact thing has already started happening. Last night, there was a call for a domestic disturbance in a small town not far from where I live. When the cops arrived on the scene, they found evidence of a domestic disturbance involving physical violence and one of the involved parties was taken into custody and they headed to the magistrate's office for processing.

Now, in North Carolina, when the police are called to a domestic disturbance and someone is taken into custody, that person can be held for 48 hours to ensure the safety of the injured party. I don't know the specifics of the disturbance the police were called to last night, but I'm sure the injured party was relieved to have at least 48 hours in which they would be safe and could decide what to do.

The problem is, they didn't get those 48 hours. When the police got to the magistrate's office, the magistrate told the police that his hands were tied. Under the new amendment, this was NOT considered a domestic disturbance because the altercation was between a homosexual couple. Since it wasn't a domestic disturbance, the 48 hour hold was not enforced. This means that even if the individual was charged with assault (don't know if that happened) they could still get out almost immediately and their partner was potentially in danger.

Y'all, this isn't fucking fair. It pisses me off that people will be endangered because to the fucked up legislation that is Amendment One. This really makes me so angry and sad  that I can't even begin to express it.

Sunday, June 03, 2012

The Coining of a Word: part 2

Way back in August of  '08, Vic coined a word.

He did it again. Be scared, my friends. Be very scared.

Vic and I were getting ready for bed and this is what happened...

Once again, I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth and a loud fart noise emanated from the bedroom. The smell wafts towards me.

Me: Damn, that reeks.
Vic: Wasn't me.
Me: You're really gonna go there...
Vic: Didn't you see Jolie on her pillow?
Me: Dude, really...Jolie's by the foot of the bed, ground level. That was all on you.
Vic: laughing It was a fartochet.
Me: It was a what?!?!
Vic: laughing harder A fartochet. You know when a fart bounces off one surface and seems to come from another location. Jolie fartocheted. Her butt's right near the area under the bed. She farted. It bounced off the floor and up to where I am.
Me: I can NOT believe you've done it again but, DAMN, that is going on my blog. Between you and the kids, I'll never, ever have to worry about what to write about.

Once again, a new word and it's many variants have entered the lexicon...

fartochet - noun - a fart that bounces off one surface and seems to come from another location (coined by Vic Cruz on 6/2/12)

to fartochet - verb - to  produce a fart that bounces off one surface and seems to come from another location

Saturday, June 02, 2012

The Unseen Scars

When I was 6 year old, I was burned by hot cooking oil. Within that same year, I had my appendix removed. At the age of 27 (and again at 30 and 35), I gained a cesarean scar. And, these are only the big scars among the visible ones on my body.

I barely notice these scars anymore. Really, I only think of them when chronicling my medical history. These are not the scars that mark me the most. These are not the scars that mark my soul.

The scars that mark my soul are much more subtle. They are something not even a doctor could find. They are the scars left behind by *infertility.

Infertility stripped away my faith on my body. When you grow up and dream of a family, you assume that when you want to start a family, it will happen without delay or trouble. With infertility, that is proven false. I no longer automatically believe that my body would do what it was suppose to do. I no longer had the naive belief that every pregnancy would bring a baby.

Infertility destroyed my faith in medical odds. Sure, we had occasionally ended up on the wrong side of the medical odds before infertility. But, once we started down the IF highway, the odds were never in our favor. Time and time again, things should have worked out but then they didn't. I honestly think the next doctor that tells me it only happens to 5-10% of patients might get bitch slapped because it seems that I'm always in the 5-10%.

Infertility stripped me of the pure joy I had previously felt when a pregnancy was announced. I am still happy for my friends when they announced their pregnancies but that happiness was tainted by worry and a little side helping of "why not me".

Now, years later, the scars of infertility have faded. They are no longer a throbbing, painful reminder of all we fought against and all we lost. Instead, they've faded to a silvery map covering my heart and soul.But, every now and then, something triggers the memories and longings and those scars become painfully real again.