Live Big, Live Loud

I was reading a book this weekend and the main character was musing about what makes a death tragic. She concluded that it's not just a life cut short, a life ended before the person has time to live, that is tragic. She decided that any death that happens before a person really embraces life, before they take risks and wear their heart on there sleeve, is tragic. Reading this didn't really make me pause too long because, as I grew up, I embraced the idea of living life to it's fullest and telling people how I feel. What did make me pause was this message seemed to be turning up everywhere.

On Friday (I think), I stumbled across a post titled For Mikey. Blogger Jennie Perillo of In Jennie's Kitchen wrote a beautiful and heart-wrenching post about her last date with her husband before he suddenly and unexpectedly died.  Then on Saturday, I read a post from the Travel Diva about some people who were contemplating pulling out of triathalon competition because a few people died during the swim section of an event. She had a line that really resonated with me. She said *"We know not the day or the time when God will call us home, so it comes down to a simple choice – Get busy living, or get busy dying." After this timely reminder, I luckily had a day to breathe and digest this message before the universe decided to drive it home so more.

On Monday, I heard the tragic news that a scant two weeks after reaching her heart's desire and having the adoption of SweetPea and LittleBuddy approved, the dear Mel of  Full Circle lost her husband this weekend. He was young. He was vibrant. They finally had their family and now he is gone. Then, today, my dear friend Lynn of Wistfulgirl's World lost her father suddenly and unexpectedly. Once again, after being faced with stories of loss and tragedy, I ran across **a post over at SelfishMom.com that reminded people that life is short and asked us to embrace the moment and tell the people we love how we feel.

There has been so much tragedy, so much heartbreak, in such a short time. It's been a powerful reminder that we never know how much time we have left on this earth. We never know how long we are going to have with our children, our spouses, and our parents. We never know how long we're going to have to bake someone a peanut butter pie or try a new activity or to pursue a dream. Don't wait until a loved one's funeral to share memories and to speak about how you feel. Tell your friends and family you love them. Appreciate even the mundane moments with them. Pursue your dreams. Don't put them off until tomorrow. I beg of you...Live Big and Live Loud. You'll never regret it.


If you could pick one thing, one way to live big and live loud in this next week or month, what would it be?


Vee of Three Little Birds lost her mom this morning. Please add her to your prayers.

*a loose paraphrase of a line from The Shawshank Redemption
**found through the Aiming Low Daily paper...if you don't subscribe, you should

Be an Asset to the Collective

Greetings! I am excited to be guest posting here today while Kristin is living it up BlogHer '11! I'm Kathy from  Four of a Kind  (formerly Three of a kind working on a full house...) and I write about my family's five year journey through secondary infertility and loss, as well as parenting and life since then. I wish I was with Kristin and so many other awesome bloggers in San Diego right now, but since that was not to be this year, I was honored when Kristin asked me to write something here on Dragondreamer's Liar.

Last weekend I had a really bad day in my little corner of the IT world, as I shared about in this post. It took a few kind and clever guys from iYogi tech support in India, a few hours of my life and a lot of "good karma" to help me get our home computers running well again. Late last Sunday night, while I was watching one of the iYogi tech support staff work his magic, as he remotely controlled my desktop and laptop computers, I decided to see what was happening on Twitter.

As I scrolled through my Twitter-feed that night I happened to notice an interchange between Kristin (from the wonderful blog you are on right now) and Kym (from The Smartness) and decided to join their conversation... Kym was sharing about it being the last night before she returned to school (she is a teacher) and Kristin had quoted non-other than Soul II Soul's "Back to Life," taunting Kym (with love) about it being time to return to reality! Kym teased Kristin about getting that song stuck in her head and then I proceeded to share some of my favorite Soul II Soul tunes to add to the soundtrack on instant replay spinning around in Kym's head as she tried to wind down on the eve a new school year.

In our tweeting back and forth that night, I asked Kym if she knew of my favorite Soul II Soul song called "Get a Life" (see the lyrics below).

This thing called life
know what’s the meaning of the line
tell me
well it’s like dreaming of your goals , ambitions feeling free
achieve what
what’s in your minds eye
this is what you should gain
Satisfaction becomes a shinning example
a test of a sample of a new race
that has ample supply of positivity
you mean flow
well like electricity
so
you see a clear way with no ambiguity
don’t you know

Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
Elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control

Well don’t be afraid to experiment you know umm
go ahead you know and implement your ideas
your notions put them in motion
like the words the funki dreds have spoken to you
so listen up loud and clear
this is a word you must be aware of
What ya gonna do put it in your life tool

and that's the meaning of life
Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
And it goes on
Elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control

So there it is work it out for yourself
yeah , be selective be objective
be an asset to the collective
as you know you have to get a life

Whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
whats the meaning
whats the meaning of life
elevate your mind
free your soul
well come on come on
feel the feeling let your body take control
ah yeah

Kym replied to my tweet by quoting a line from "Get a Life." Then I shared my favorite line from the song, "be selective, be objective, be an asset to the collective." I have always thought that was such an inspiring and profound statement. I have also pondered what it means for me to "be an asset to the collective."

As a blogger, especially in the Adoption, Loss and Infertility (ALI) Community, I believe that there are so many ways and opportunities for me (and all of us) to be an asset to our collective group of those who have found that our journeys to build and/or expand our families have not played out the way the hoped or dreamed that they would.

I am grateful to Kristin and so many other bloggers who have reached out to and supported me on my journey through infertility and loss over the years. Though so much of why I choose to write and share about my life and experiences on my blog is for me, I do really appreciate the chance to receive validation and feedback from others who understand and can relate to what I blog about. I also find it an honor and privilege, as a "wounded healer," to try to reach out to and support others in our "collective."

How about you? What does it mean to you "to be an asset to the collective?" How do you feel that you are an "asset" to our ALI Community and/or the other groups that you are part of and contribute your time, talent and treasure to in your life?

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on this post. Thanks again to Kristin for inviting me to be here today. I hope that you are having a wonderful time at BlogHer `11 and can't wait to hear (and read) all about it!

Whether or not you have been over there before, I would love for you to please visit me at my blog Four of a Kind anytime. I really appreciate your comments and feedback on what I wrote here today, as well as on my blog entries over there any day!

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks -
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks -
I came to know you . . .
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you.

Just those few weeks -
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations . . .
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks -
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks -
And no "normal" person would cry all night
over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

- Susan Erling Martinez

My dear friend Vicki over at An Abundance of Blessings posted this a week ago. It so perfectly captures the feelings I had with each of my losses and I wanted to pass it on to you all.

The Knitting Circle

I just read the most amazing book. I actually had to force myself to put it down last night so I could get a little sleep.

The Knitting Circle is a semi-autobiographical novel by Ann Hood. She starts the book with a prologue that applies both to her own life and to a character in the book. She says...

Daughter, I have a story to tell you. I have wanted to tell it to you for a very long time. But unlike Babar or Eloise or any of the other stories you loved to hear, this one is not funny. This one is not clever. It is simply true. It is my story, yet I do not have the words to tell it. Instead, I pick up my needles and I knit. Each letter is a stitch. A row spells out "I love you." I knit "I love you" into everything I make. Like a prayer, or a wish, I send it out to you, hoping you can hear me. Hoping, daughter, that the story I am knitting reaches you somehow. Hoping, that my love reaches you somehow.

I'm not going to lie to you. This isn't a fun book. But, it is an amazing book. You will cry and feel the characters' anguish. In the end, you will also come out with a deeper understanding of grief and the way it affects us. Ms. Hood handles the subject of loss and the surprising things that pull you through it with a frankness and sensitivity that comes from having made the journey herself. For some of you, Cara, my dear friend Chris, and many others, this book may hit almost too close to home, to close to the pain you felt and lived through. Despite the pain and raw grief Ms. Hood depicts, the unexpected friendships that sustain the protagonist and ultimately bring her to the point of living again, loving again, and having the strength to help others on their own journey back to life keeps this book from being depressing or dark.

Hilma Wolitzer (The Doctor's Daughter) says,

"The Knitting Circle is that rare thing: a wrenching story about loss that also manages to be consoling. It's a testament to women's friend ship and to ann Hood's talent."

And, Caroline Leavitt (Girls in Trouble and Coming Back to Me) says,

"The Knitting Circle kept me up all night reading. It is brilliant and brave and extraordinary. It does what the very best novels do - it takes a tragedy and finds the heart of the pain and turns it into shimmering art."

Do yourself a favor and give this fabulous book a chance.