What The Fuck Wednesday: A Harry Potter Tribute (?)

*BTW, the video below is relatively safe for public consumption. It doesn't go too far off the acceptable track.

Welcome back to What The Fuck Wednesday the prime location to read about products, items, and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter the phrase "What the fuck is that?"

Once something hits the big time, people start putting their own spin on it. It doesn't matter if it's a tv show, a movie, or a book, if it's big enough and popular enough, people spoof it, create tributes to it, or write FanFic about it. Honestly, I can understand loving something so much that you want it to "live" on past the original incarnation. What I'm not sure I can wrap my mind around is when someone takes a thoroughly unlovable character and writes FanFic that places them in an, ummmm, errrr, very "loving" situation. This next youTube video/TV show clip does just that. It's erotic FanFic about the most unlovable character I can think of, Voldemort, and, to add to the whole surreal nature, Ralph Fiennes, Lord Voldemort himself, is reading the FanFic. If that doesn't scream What The Fuck, I don't know what does.

If you've found a what the fuck Wednesday worthy moment, throw up a post and tell us about it. If you don't want to post, share your What The Fuck moment here.

Tasty Tuesday: Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake

Since migraines and computers don't mix for me, I couldn't play with my computer yesterday afternoon. I decided to play in the kitchen instead. Luckily, my mom brought me a new cookbook Saturday and I found some inspiration there. The rest of my inspiration came from a Lemon Blueberry Yogurt Loaf I pinned a short time ago.

Gabe and I played around in the kitchen and created a new family masterpiece. We ended up making a Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake with Lemon Glaze.

Lemon Chocolate Chip Pound Cake with Lemon Glaze

Cake Ingredients

5 eggs

3 cups flour

3 cups sugar

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup of butter

1 cup butter flavored shortening

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

Glaze Ingredients

1/4 cup of butter

2 cups of powdered sugar

4 tablespoons lemon juice

To make the cake...

1. Cream together butter, shortening, and sugar.
2. Once fully blended, continue mixing while adding eggs one at a time.
3. Continue mixing while adding flour a little at a time.
4. Add milk, lemon juice, baking soda, and salt. Mix at medium speed for at least 3 minutes once all ingredients have been added.
5. Pour into greased and floured Bundt pan and bake for 1 1/2 hours at 275°.

Take special care to completely grease and flour all the crevices of the Bundt pan because cakes stick far too easily in these (look closely at the cake picture...that's what happens when a 6 yr old greases your pan for you).

Once you've pulled the cake out of the oven, you can make the glaze while it's cooling.
To make the glaze...

1. Melt the butter in a saucepan.
2. Reduce heat to low and stir in the sugar.
3. Keep stirring until mixture is smooth.
4. Add in lemon juice and stir until fully blended.
5. Remove from heat and drizzle over cake.

There will probably be enough glaze left that you can drizzle it over the individual slices as you serve them.

Enjoy!

Derailed by my body

I had great intentions about writing a post about how things don't work out how you intended because of limitations your body (or your spouse's body) place on you but, weirdly enough, that post got derailed by my body. I have the beginnings of a migraine and, if I don't get off the computer soon, I will get sick. Migraines and the screen refresh rate do not play well together in my world.

Hopefully, I'll be back on later today. Until then, I'll go eat some candy hearts with Gabe. To entertain me when I get back, I have a few requests...


1) Do you like candy hearts? If so, what kind do you like the best? I like Brachs candy hearts the best.
2) If you don't like candy hearts, what is your favorite Easter candy?
3) Please go leave a question for me to answer on my last post.
4) Don't forget to sign up for my 2012 book challenge.

Welcome, welcome one and all...

Hey y'all...welcome to ICLW at Dragondreamer's Lair. My name is Kristin and I'll be your hostess this week. I went through a major blogging slump in December and, while I'm back to blogging regularly, I'm hoping ICLW will be the kick in the ass I need to get back to commenting regularly.

I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother, and an infertility survivor. I've been pregnant 11 times and have 3 fabulous, maddening, smart-assed, intelligent, kind gentle, living boys. I tend to believe in the basic goodness of people but god help you if you prove yourself unworthy of that faith and trust. I will bend over backward to help family and friends but I'll gladly tell you to fuck off if you hurt someone I care about. I love crafts. In fact, I think I have crafting issues because I have enough crafting supplies ,to keep an army busy for a lifetime. I'm a voracious reader and a TV addict (thank God for DVRs). I'm a homebody who hates moving but I adore traveling. I'm a wanna be foodie and a home improvement DIYer with delusions of grandeur and no budget to support it. I'm a faithful Christian with a potty mouth worthy of a truck driver or a sailor or anyone else who curses a lot. I'm a very traditional person who also supports gay marriage and freedom of choice.

I'd love to get to know all of y'all better. So, please, tell me who you are! And, while you're at it, throw a few questions my way. I'll answer anything and everything.

Stuff I Made Recently

Remember me telling you about Beanis and his trip to BlogHer? Well, my willingness to parade around BlogHer with a giant crocheted penis has paid dividends in more than one way. First, I got to meet all kinds of fabulous people thanks to Beanis. Second, I've had the chance to make some money. And, third, I've had the delightful opportunity to embarrass the crap out of my children.

I can feel the jealousy rolling off those of you with kids. I know...how lucky can I get to make a little cash and embarrass my kids at the same time. Yeah, you guessed it. I'm making more Beanises. I got an order in early December for a Beanis. That one went in the mail to the great white North (Canada) right before Christmas. Now, I'm working on my second commissioned Beanis. It's so much fun watching my boys (especially Marty) squirm and beg for it to disappear every time I bring our Beanis to work on him,

Since I know y'all have to be dying to see my last Beanis, here he is in all his glory...the Gay Pride Rainbow Beanis

I've also finished up a scarf for my niece Kayla.

From Drab To Fab

Gabe, like most 6 year olds, is really rough on his clothes. These past 6 months or so, he's been especially rough on his shoes. He beat up the shoes that were bought at the beginning of the school year so badly that the soles have started peeling off. It's kind of sad because the rest of the shoe isn't in bad shape but he's messed up the toes so badly that there is no saving them. I was browsing online earlier today because I had a coupon for 30% off and then I remembered the cheap, plain jane white canvas sneakers I picked up on sale around the beginning of the school year. Well, I remembered the white canvas sneakers and my Stained by Sharpie markers - permanent markers designed specifically for fabric.

I took the sneakers from this...

to this...

My only complaint about the way they turned out was something that was entirely my fault. I found a cool technique using Sharpies and rubbing alcohol on pinterest and I tried to use it on the toes. I don't know if the thickness of the shoe canvas or the fact I was using the Stained markers made the difference but I didn't get the cool color effects this technique usually gives. I just ended up with a slightly blurry design on the toes of the sneakers. But, Gabe loves the sneakers and they were fun to make so I'm not worrying about them. In fact, I might have to get a pair of shoes in my size and decorate some for me.

What The Fuck Wednesday: the shittiest sweepstakes evah

Welcome back to What The Fuck Wednesday (published just after midnight to avoid breaking the anti-SOPA blackout) the prime location to read about products, items, and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter the phrase "What the fuck is that?"

Over the weekend, I was watching a program off the dvr with Vic and I guess we were just slow with the fast forward button or something because I saw part of a commercial that made me do a double take and then a triple take. Yeah, it's the commercial I embedded right below. Watch it if you dare...

When it was done running, I looked at Vic and said "I really want to call bullshit on that but it's a CBS Cares commercial and you remember what they ran back in December of '09. I think it might be real." Vic said I should google it and find out if it was real...damn, by now you'd think he would know better. This is what I found...a link to the CBS Cares Colonoscopy Sweepstakes. Yes, you read that right....a colonoscopy sweepstakes.

The first page of the website looks completely normal. Well, normal except for the look on Ozzy's face. After all, it makes sense to have Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne as your celebrity spokespeople for a colonoscopy sweepstakes (damn, I can't even type that without giggling) because Sharon fought and beat colon cancer. But, the second page, oh my gawd is the second page ever out there. I guess after the reaction CBS got to their pap smear ads back in '09, they decided they could run a real sweepstakes but it would be better not to be so serious about it all. I started giggling by the second paragraph on the second page but I totally lost it and was laughing so hard I couldn't talk when I read the paragraph about the day of the colonoscopy.

As the colonoscopy begins, you will be given a drug that will make you feel like you're at an early 70's Black Sabbath concert - but without the music. If the doctor starts to look like Ozzy, please report the side effect to him or the Prince of Darkness - whomever you see first.

Is that not one of the funniest things you've ever read?

Once I'd calmed down enough to talk, I started telling Vic all about it and why I was laughing. My dear demented husband laughed and said "Why don't you enter me. After all, I'm over 50 and need a colonoscopy." So, now I'm hoping fortune smiles on us and I get to spend time in a luxury hotel so my husband can take one up the ass because CBS Cares.

Is it wrong that I hope the answer to question 3 on the entry form

Ozzy Osbourne will assist the doctor during the colonoscopy.*

   True   False

is a big, resounding TRUE?

If you've found a what the fuck Wednesday worthy moment, throw up a post and add your link through the Linky widget. If you don't want to post, share your What The Fuck moment here...and, if you don't have a moment to tell us about, join in the fun anyway and enter someone you love in the colonoscopy sweepstakes.

Blackout at the Lair

To learn more about what people are protesting, check out this article on BlogHer and the texts of SOPA and PIPA.

*the last line was inspired by a brilliant tweet by @erinbowbooks.

A Story for the Ages

My friends, every once in a while you get the unique pleasure and privilege of being in on something amazing from the minute it starts. Every now and then you see a person start to chase their dream and you get to see it unfold in spectacular ways. once in a while, you get a front row seat to see someone's talent grow and blossom. Recently, I have been lucky enough to see a person I love, respect, and admire start to chase her dreams and have those dreams grow and flower into something amazing.

I'm talking about my dear friend Kir over at The Kir Corner. I have always enjoyed Kir's writing. She always had a gift for telling a story about her boys or her life and having it touch you or make you laugh. But, early last year, Kir started participating in some writing exercises, she started following the prompts offered in writers' groups, and she started writing about Kimmy and David. Who are Kimmy and David you ask? They are two of the central characters in a phenomenal story Kir has created. Each installation of the story of Kimmy and David engages you, entertains you, and leaves you wanting more.

It truly has been a unique privilege watching this story unfold from the very beginning. It's been equally amazing to watch Kir's talent as a writer explode over the last 10 months. She has created a story that is as good or better than many of the books I've read recently and she's done it following such a wide range of writing prompts. It takes some serious talent to create a cohesive story using the wide range of styles demanded by the prompts she's followed. I would love to see Kir spend the time expanding and editing this into book form. I think she'd have a winner on her hands.

Now, do yourself a favor. Head on over to Kir's Corner and spend a little time with Kimmy and David and all their friends. You can find most of the installments of the stories of Kimmy and David on their own page and you can find the final (so far...pleeeeeeeeaaaaasssssse write more) installment here. And y'all, if you read and like the stories of Kimmy and David, can you comment and let Kir know? I don't think my beautiful friend realizes just how good she really is.

The Daffodil Principle

I first read this years ago and I have no clue who the original author was but it seemed like a truly appropriate story to share given the sudden loss of my brother-in-law, José.

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into my daughter's house, I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

"Forget the daffodils! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.

"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," my daughter said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this." "Please turn around," I said sternly. "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed my daughter down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked. "Just one woman," my daughter answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home," she said, pointing to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modest, sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958"

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop.

Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time - often just one baby-step at time - and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle...

Stop waiting.....
Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die...

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So, work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.

"Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

Warring Emotions

I had somehow let myself forget just how exhausting an emotionally charged situation can be. Silly me. Sitting here, hours after Jose's memorial service, I am totally and completely exhausted. I feel almost like I could go to bed and sleep for a week.

Today was both wonderful and terribly taxing at the same time. It was so hard for me to see my children and loved ones hurting but it was wonderful to trade stories with other people who love Jose the way we do. And, even though it was a sad occasion, it was truly fabulous to see so many family members again. Man, oh man, were there a lot of family members there. After the service, the family all went back to my mother-in-law's house and it was PACKED.

I wish I could find the right words to tell you how incredible and heartbreaking today was but I'm too damned tired to even think straight. I think the dissonance between these warring sets of feelings was a major factor in the exhaustion. Now, since I seem to be repeating over and over again how tired I am, I'm signing off for the night and going to bed.

Hasta la bye-bye.

Tomorrow We Say Goodbye

I think we all hit a breaking point yesterday. Tempers were short. We argued and yelled and snapped and cried. It was not pretty but I think we all just needed to get it out of our systems because we were all in a much better frame of mind today.

Tomorrow is going to be another tough day. Tomorrow at 1 pm, we will be saying our final goodbyes to my brother-in-law, Jose Manuel Cruz. It will be the end of a very rough week and the beginning of figuring out how to adjust to our new normal.I am hoping I have it in me to stand up and speak during the funeral because I think it would do me a world of good and I think it would do the boys a world of good to hear me talk about their beloved uncle.

My sister Becky and Jennifer are both coming to the funeral with us. Having them there to support us will be good for the kids and will be good for both Vic and me. We truly have been blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family members to support us and, I count all of you among the friends that are supporting us. I have been overwhelmed with the love and support y'all have shown us here. If y'all can do me one more favor, it will mean the world to me. Please think of us and send your support or a prayer our way tomorrow. At 1 pm, we will be at Genesis United Methodist Church in Cary, NC remembering Jose and saying goodbye.


You can read his obituary on the Raleigh News And Observer website.

I've got to brag...

I've got to brag about my oldest son, Marty. This semester, he was taking Algebra I plus (a class designed to reinforce your algebra knowledge before you take geometry). and algebra has been the bane of his existence up until now. Any other type of math, he has conquered without a problem but, like me, algebra has given him fits from day one. This semester he has worked his ass off. He has studied hard. And, he was able to complete his final exam without a problem and came out saying it was a lot easier than he expected. I am so proud of him.

Jose in Photos

my favorite picture

What Cornfield Did They Come From?

Years ago, when we still lived a few counties over (in Alamance county for those who know the area), we use to make the trip to Cary to visit with my Mother-in-law, father-in-law, and Jose at least once and often twice a month. When we'd arrive, *Jose would usually still be sleeping because of the schedule he kept. At the time, we only had Marty and Joey and after they spent a while with Grandma and Grandpa, they would start hounding them about where Uncle Jose was and when was he going to get up and can't we go up and see him.

Finally, around 3pm, my father-in-law would look at them and say, "It's about time he got up. Why don't you two go wake him up?" And, they'd be off like a shot. It sounded like a thundering herd of elephants going up those stairs and then they'd hit the bedroom door...bang, bang, bang..."UncleJose UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." After which, you'd here a noise, some response, something...but, heaven forbid he'd wait too long to respond with real words. They'd be at it again..."UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." until he came out of the room and made his way downstairs. I don't think it ever took more than two rounds of "UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose
UncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJoseUncleJose..." to get him out of bed.

One particular afternoon, Jose was particularly tired and Marty and Joey were particularly loud and insistent. Once Jose made it downstairs, he was shaking his head. He looked at Vic and said, "Those kids of yours...**what cornfield did you get them from?" My husband just laughed and said, "What are you complaining about? We live with that every day."

I think from this day forth, in honor of Jose's memory, my children will be know as the Children of the Corn.


* Jose worked as a bail bondsman in addition to his full time job at Gregory Poole before his dystrophy got too bad.
**referring to Stephen King's Children of the Corn

In The Blink Of An Eye

Just yesterday, my family and I were happily planning on a weekend trip to Georgia. My Grandfather's unit from WWII is having a plaque dedicated at the military history museum and the last living member of the crew is going to be there. My whole family (even Vic was off work), my parents, and my niece were going to make the trip together.

Today, we are planning my brother-in-law's funeral. This morning, 1/9/12, at 9:49 am, my brother-in-law, Jose, was pronounced dead. After an almost 30 year battle with Muscular Dystrophy, his body was finally worn out and the battle was done.

Jose was an amazing man who spent the past 30 years beating the odds. When he was diagnosed with MD at the age of 18, the doctors didn't expect him to live too long. Making it past his mid-twenties was considered a long shot. Well, Jose rarely did what was expected of him. So, he thumbed his nose at the doctors, worked his ass off, and lived to be 49 years old.

Jose was just like all the Cruz males and he had a warped, twisted sense of humor. He was always entertaining to be around and my boys absolutely adored him. He introduced Marty to the online Kill the Teletubbies and the Kill Barney games and he always listened to the stories and tales the kids had to share. But, the Jose my kids grew to know was not the same Jose I met almost 20 years ago. As his body grew weaker, his character and personality grew stronger. A number of years ago (10 years I think), Jose went on a trip that turned into a journey of faith and of personal growth. About a year after he went on that trip, I told him that I use to say I loved him because he was my brother, but now I could say I loved him because he was a person I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. This was the man my children grew  to know and the man they will miss desperately.

This weekend, on both Saturday and Sunday evening, I was over at my mother-in-law's house so I could help Jose and Vic's mom. On Saturday, purely by chance, I had Marty with me for the almost 2 hours I was there and he got to hang out and talk with the uncle he adored. And, last night, I had all three kids with me. They showed off there Christmas goodies, chattered about music, and had a great time with Jose. I am so very thankful they got to spend that time with him even if it does add to the whole unreal feeling Jose's death has invoked...less than 24 hours ago we were talking to him, hanging out with him, and now he's gone.

If there is someone you love, someone important to you, that you haven't talked to or seen in a while, call them, visit them as soon as you can because it can all change in the blink of an eye.

Good bye Jose. We love you and will miss you terribly.

2011 Book Challenge Wrap Up and 2012 Sign Up

2011 Book Challenge Wrap Up

Wooohooooo, it's only January 6th and I'm posting the yearly book challenge post. That's a hell of a lot better than last year's February 25th post.

Sadly, I didn't meet my reading goal for last year. I was shooting for 110 books last year and it was looking like I'd hit the goal without a problem. But, my time management skills went to hell in a handbasket when my friend Rys and her family moved in in September and I ended the year with 95 books. I hope the rest of y'all had a great year and did lots and lots of reading. I'd love for y'all to check in and tell me how many books you read.

And, the final bit of 2011 book challenge business, Alana of Alana-isms is the tote bag winner.


2012 Book Challenge Sign Up

It's time to sign up for the 2012 Book Challenge. Once again, sign up will be through Google Docs because it will compile the list and keep all the info handy for me. However, unlike last year, I won't promise to keep in touch via email over the course of the year because, obviously, I suck at that. So, here are the rules...

1. Please use this Google Docs form to sign up...comment if you like but sign up is through the form.
   
2. your goal can be as high or low as you feel comfortable with...the goal is to read more, not to beat everyone else
   
3. read, read, read
   
4. keep a running total
5. have fun
6. if it is under 50 pages or an audio book, it counts as HALF a book
7. anything over 50 pages counts as 1 BOOK no matter how long it is
   
8. textbooks, childrens books, ebooks all count
9. (thanks Jenn) rereading counts and any books read so far count
10. cookbooks count as a whole book if you actually read them (I mean really read...not just skim while looking for a recipe)

Once again, I want to say thanks to Jen J for Navigating the Waters of Infertility and Beyond again because she was the one that sparked my Book Challenge in 2009. This year, my reading goal is going to be 110 books.Hopefully, life will remain on an even keel and I can read to my heart's content.

At 42, I Am Enough

Hi, my name is Kristin. My number is 42. My word is embrace. And, I am enough. I know, I know...these first few sentences seem kind of random and what the hell do they mean anyway. A few of my favorite people, Kir of The Kir Corner and Kim of Live from the 205 have introduced me to a few ideas that seem to be the perfect way to start the new year. Kir has written a number of posts about Just Be Enough...celebrating yourself instead of focusing on your flaws...and, Kim wrote about Curvy Girl's Reinventing The Resolution and One Word 365.

This year, I am 42 years old and I am determined to embrace myself, embrace my life, and celebrate the fact that I am enough! As I go through my day to day life, I will take time to celebrate what I have and try not to dwell on what's not there. I will spend time with my beautiful, wonderful kids and focus on how lucky I am to have them instead of pining for the ones I lost or who never made it here. I will embrace my crafty, creative side -celebrate what I can do - and not stress about my house not being perfect. I will remember to embrace my body, love it for what it is. I will take time to exercise and care for myself because I am worth the time and effort. I won't focus on weight or measurements. I will embrace health. I will write and paint and create. I will try new recipes, cook with my sons, and play board games with them. I will visit with friends, tell the important people in my life I love them, and take a moment to dance in the rain. I will do all these tings not because I need to better myself. I will do these things because I matter. I am enough. And, I am embracing myself and my life. Join me.

Pick a number...

Pick a word...

and

Thank you Kir and thank you Kim!

What The Fuck Wednesday: Wheelchairs Are Us

Welcome back to What The Fuck Wednesday, the prime location to read about products, items, and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter the phrase "What the fuck is that?" The management wants to thank you for your patience and understanding during our December break.

This week I want to tell you about some wheelchairs that caught my attention and definitely made me do a double take and had me saying "What the fuck" but in a good way. These wheelchairs caught my attention a long while ago (before I had even thought to do a What The Fuck Wednesday post but I'm featuring it today to celebrate the fact that Marty no longer needs a wheelchair to get around school. He is walking with a cane and has enough strength back to make it all around the campus of the huge ass high school he goes to.

So, back to the wheelchairs. We've all seen wheelchairs. Most of them are rather utilitarian. They allow people who can't walk for some reason to get from place to place. They do a job but they are nothing anyone dreams of having. But, these wheelchairs, these are the stuff of dreams and fantasies, stuff that make grown men drool and say I want that. The first chair is a chair it's maker named Lord Humongous...

Lord Humongous is a 22 mph going, all terrain traversing wheelchair. It's rigged with a seat from a Marine helicopter and, see that long, gun-like thing on the front, it's a FLAME THROWER...a freaking flame thrower.

The second fab chair is the Tank Chair from TC Mobility (psst...check here for all terrain pics)...

The tank chair is an all terrain wheelchair that lets you go just about ANYWHERE you want. This chair is so badass that one man has been told by British authorities that he can't take his chair onto public property because the government classifies it as a tank.

If you've found a what the fuck Wednesday worthy moment, throw up a post and add your link through the Linky widget. If you don't want to post, share your What The Fuck moment here.

The Aunt Becky Meme (at least that's where I got it)

1) What does Meme mean?
Something I should really stop doing but can't seem to help myself because it gives me an excuse to spew trivial shit about me

2) 2011 – Was it all you’d hoped it would be?
Yes and no...the last part of the year seemed to get sucked into a whirl of insanity and I'd really, truly like a year without a medical drama in it. That's not too much to ask, is it?

3) Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
Yup, I'm a total sucker for romance. And, most of the hats were killer, but one of the princesses (Beatrice or Eugenie) was wearing something that looked like a giant IUD on her head...

and some other poor lady was wearing (as Joan Rivers termed it) a giant blue vagina hat...

4) Where are your pants?
on my ass

5) Is Justin Bieber human or some sort of robot?
Is Justin Bieber even male? I think *Robot Chicken had it right when they said Justin Bieber was a young woman proud of herself and her alternative life style choices.

6) If you had only one thing to wish for this coming year, what would it be?
A wish...only one wish...I'll wish for a year free of ass kicking crises

7) Would you call yourself a “social media maven?”
Bwahahahahaha....nope.

8 ) If you had to take three things to a desert island (let’s assume you have ample food and water), what would they be?
my Nook - how I love thee
my iPod
a generator/charger that turns air into electricity

9) If you had the ability to banish certain offenses to an island where they would be rehabilitated into being okay again, what would those offenses be?
text speak used in real speech
anyone who types or says prolly instead of probably - it's only 2 freaking letters y'all
their, there, and they're mix ups

10) How do YOU think the air conditioner works?
it's a magical thing us mere mortals aren't meant to understand

11) Do you ACTUALLY think you can make money blogging?
Me...no...but the brilliant and kind aliens disguised as The Pioneer Woman, Dooce, and Jen from Cake Wrecks can.

12) There’s a lot of talk in the blog world about microblogging (The Tumblr, The Twitter, The Facebook) taking over traditional blogs. Do you think that’s the case?
Hell no...as Aunt Becky said "I think those of us stubborn enough to stick around will be here until they pry our keyboards from our cold, dead hands."

13) If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Don't worry so much about what everyone thinks of you. You grow up to be a kick ass, wonderful woman so screw them.

14) If you could’ve told yourself this time last year one thing, what would it be?
?!?.

15) If you could have one Super Power, what would it be?
teleportation - with travel costs eliminated, going to conferences and traveling would become far more affordable

16) If you could do one thing you can’t currently do, and do it well, what would it be?
Sing amazingly well - I have a great musical ear but all that lets me do is hear how off key my voice is.

17) What surprises you about yourself?
That I'm a stay at home mom and happy to be one...when I was young and clueless I always imagined having some high power career. This is way better.

18) What was your favorite blog post/tweet of the past year?
Shit, that requires thinking and I refuse to think today.

19) Do you REALLY think “Purple Should Be A Flavor?”
Damn straight it should be and, if Aunt Becky gets some of that purple vodka, that par-tay is on!

20) If you could make one outlandish wish for 2012, what would it be?
I want to win the lottery or find someone willing to finance my every whim without wanting anything in return.

*Yes, Robot Chicken is NOT politically correct and frequently can be offensive but it's also funny as hell.

If y'all had fun with this, play along and then head over to Aunt Becky's and link up.

Only 355 Days Until the World Ends

That's right, here we are sitting at the end of the first day of 2012. My house smells divine from the big old pot of homemade turkey soup cooking on my stove.

We rang in the New Year two separate times yesterday. My parents, the kids, Jennifer, and I went to First Night Raleigh for a couple of hours and watched the early acorn drop and fireworks. While we were there, we also listened to a great Scottish band from NC State, saw a whole crowd moving to an awesome drumline, watched a parade with a ton of funky costumes, and had some amazingly good coffee at Crema on Fayetteville St. After the acorn drop, we headed home for a late dinner and settled in to watch some Doctor Who until it was time for Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve. We rang in the New Year at midnight wearing our hats and 2012 glasses with flashing lights...even little Gabe made it until midnight. If y'all are really nice, I might show you just how ridiculous I looked with my flashing glasses over my real glasses.

Once we finally dragged our asses out of bed today, there were a lot of video games played by kids, a bit of obsessive free book downloading by me, and a trip to the local Y for Marty and me. Marty and I have been working out at the Y. Marty's doing a lot of walking at the indoor track because he's trying to build his leg strength back up and I can't ask him to go without going too. So, I've been riding the stationary bike. I'm really hoping to keep up the exercise regimen. My aim is to build my muscles back up and improve my general fitness. If there's any weight loss that goes with it, that would just be a bonus.

Hehe, I noticed something kind of funny when we got back from the Y. As sometimes happens in NC, my daffodils are very confused. We've had just enough warm days that my daffodils are all sprouting and I even have one that is starting to bloom. I kind of want to yell "Nooooo, go back underground. You don't know what you're doing. Those 70+ temps were A LIE."...because tonight it's going into the 30s and tomorrow night we'll be hitting the low 20s...but, then I think the neighbors might really wonder about my sanity if I'm yelling at flowers.

Well, enough of this rambling. I'm going to head off to read a bit and before I go to bed I need to pull the soup off the stove. What's going on in your life? Share with us please.

Happy New Year

Things I Learned In 2011

2011 was a wild, stressful, fabulous, and wonderful year and I'm still trying to figure out how it's over.

• I learned that a crocheted penis is one of the greatest ice breakers you can have with you at a conference for women. I heard "Oh My God, is that what I think it is? Can I take a picture?" more times than you can even imagine this past summer. I wonder if a crocheted boob would have the same impact...somehow I doubt it.
• I learned I can indulge my crafting habit, make some money and embarrass my oldest son all at the same time. Yes, I've made more Beanises since then and people are actually paying me for them.
• I've learned that someone very close to me is suffering from infertility and it makes me angry that I can't just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose and make it all better for her.
• I learned that I have both more patience than I ever imagined and, at the same time, far less patience than I imagined. My dear friend Rys and her family shared our house for about 3 1/2 months after their house was totaled by the Hurricane Irene floods. I love them dearly. I would open my house again to them in a heartbeat if they needed it...but, man oh man am I glad to have my space back. Honestly, I don't know how the Sister Wives make it work so seamlessly over such a long time because it is tough having that many people from two families under the same roof.
• I had it confirmed that my husband is a truly wonderful man. He didn't even blink when I talked to him about Rys and her family coming here and was truly amazing about having them here. I don't know many men who would willingly open their house for that extended period.
• I realized again that my kids rock. Bedroom switches were put on hold, space was given up, and, for the most part, toys and possessions were shared and they welcomed Rys and her family into our house.
• I've found out I absolutely adore my Nook. Yup, the Nook hits the top of my list for coolest pesents this year.
• I've learned that while the process of filing your eBooks onto shelves or organizing them by genre, author, etc isn't that complicated, it becomes infinitely more complex when you load 330+ files/books at once and have to categorize all of them at once. It took me 3 days, use of my Nook and my computer, and I still have 9 books somewhere on my Nook that have avoided being put on a shelf.
• I've learned that many editors do a half-assed no-assed job when it comes to editing books that are put out digitally. When an otherwise good book is interrupted by paragraphs that go from normal width and appearance to a tiny column that is so narrow that only THE or A is short enough to not be hyphenated, someone has NOT done there job.
• I also learned that Calibre is a life saver for anyone who owns an eReader. When you've bought a bunch of books for your Kindle app and then you've received a Nook for Christmas, it allows you to change formats so YOUR books can continue to be used on your new eReader.
• I've also found that Calibre saves you from the previously mentioned half-assed editing. It's a problem when you have a book named The Story of XYZ and some lazy assed so and so has embeded the file with the name Microsoft word File - T. That really becomes a problem when you have multiple files with that fucked up naming issue because that fucked up Microsoft Word name is what shows up when you unknowingly load the poorly named files onto your ereader. Then you have 10+ books that you can't tell the difference between until you run them through reformatting in Calibre.
• I've really learned to love my hair this year and want to know if I should keep it purple when I dye it again or if I should pick another Manic Panic shade.
• I've found out my middle son is turning into a huge football fan and a Steelers  fan at that. He wants a Polmalu jersey...which is kind of appropriate with the hair Joey has.
• I've learned that I still know more about computers than my children and that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.
• I've learned that my baby sister is a bit of a hard head and have to thank her for the Christmas miracle her hard-headedness brought about.
• I've learned that I'm not quite as resigned to never having a fourth child as I thought I was. I was hit with a serious case of baby lust and caught up in a bad case of regrets and what ifs when I found out a friend who was pregnant with her youngest daughter when I was briefly pregnant with Eva just gave birth to her third child, a beautiful little boy. Feeling I thought were long behind me reared their ugly head.
• I've learned that once again my husband has fallen on the crappy end of the medical odds and he is already dealing with diabetic neuropathy in his feet. Diabetes fucking SUCKS.
• I've learned (or re-learned) that I am truly blessed to be surrounded by a fabulous family and wonderful friends. We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge, clothes on our backs, and my husband has a steady job with great benefits. I am blessed.

I hope each and every one of  you who take the time to stop by and read my blog realize just how important you are to me. While I do write for myself, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pretty damned great to know there are people out there reading my words and caring about me. Y'all are fabulous. And, to my dear friends, the savvy women I treasure, my blogging and crafting sisters, I truly love each and every one of you. I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas (or whichever holiday you recognize) and I hope 2012 brings you happiness and your heart's desire.

Late to the Game

I've been out of touch the last (almost) two weeks and I have no excuse other than the fact that I got totally overwhelmed by holiday preparations, family stuff, and life in general. I promise that I thought a lot about blogging but that old, trite observation that the more you do something, the easier it gets is so true. After missing a few days of blogging, it seemed harder and harder to pick the pen back up.

While I was in my 2 week blogging funk, I missed an amazing post by my personal Queen of the blogosphere, Mel. In her Occupy Blog Street post, she talks about how 99% of the bloggers out there never get recognized for their work, their writing in any significant way. She implores us, the 99%, to

Occupy Blog Street. Sit down on your blog and write something today. Hit publish. Read everyone equally — mixing the 1% and 99% together to create a single entity. Ignore “best of” lists. Declare 2012 as the year of telling YOUR story and then tell it. (Though you may only get to December 21st because that’s when the world will officially end. We’ll all understand if you miss blogging those last few days of the year since none of us will be around to read those posts.)

Since I missed Mel's original post, I want to say here and now that I am that 99% and I have been guilty of worrying too much about the responses a post got or didn't get. I have worried too much about what kind of stats my blog had and why certain writers had more followers than me. 2012 will be my year. It will be a year of writing for myself, writing from my heart. I will do my level best to write every day and, if I miss a day or two, I will forgive myself and jump right on back into writing.

In an effort to expand my horizons and to truly mix the 1% and the 99%, I need help from each and every one of you. I need recommendations. I need names and links to posts of yours I might have missed out on and I need blog recommendations from you. Now, your personal posts don't have to be something overwhelmingly jaw dropping or inspirational. I just want it to be a post that means something to you (hint...any post on your blog). And, the blog recommendations...please point me to a favorite of yours. It could be a blog with 2 followers or more than 100. I promise I will check out each and every post and each and every blog you recommend.

Bring on the linkage!

20(ish) Questions - Christmas Style

I am stealing this from Stacie, who stole it from Danifred, who in turn stole it from Rebecca. I think I'll also steal Stacie's idea and think of this as sharing instead of stealing!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I really prefer wrapping paper. I truly love carefully wrapping a present and doing fancy wraps with the ribbons.

2. Real tree or Artificial? REAL...I honestly tried to talk myself into a pre-lit artificial tree a few years back and I just couldn't do it. I love the smell and feel of a real tree. I don't even mind cleaning up the needles after the holiday. I have too many memories tied to a real tree.

3. When do you put up the tree? We usually put up the tree between the 10th and 15th...not any earlier because it's a real tree.

4. When do you take the tree down? We take the tree down around January 7th. Epiphany (or the end of the 12 days of Christmas aka when the three wise men visited the baby Jesus) is always on January 6th and we leave our tree up until then.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, I love eggnog. I love it by itself. I love it in coffee. I also love it spiked...yum yum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?My parents were always great at picking out gifts. I remember loving my Barbie Townhouse and the full set of the Black Stallion books I got.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? I do. It's not my ideal set but I like it.

8. Hardest person to buy for? I honestly don't have anyone that is hard to buy for. Guess I'm lucky that way.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My sons are all easy to buy for.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Snail mail cards

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Dunno, I'm such a sappy sentimentalist that Something about every gift has made me smile.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I really love White Christmas and Miracle on 34th Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I always mean to start early but I usually don't.

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? cookies and fudge and stuffing...just not together


16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored everywhere and I really want some of the new LED lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song? I have a soft spot for all Christmas music...just not until Thanksgiving. One of my favorites is "Mary, did you know?"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? depends on the year.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Sure can - Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen...Rudolph cam later

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? an angel - beautiful, lacy, and lit

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? I get annoyed when the music and the decorations start in the beginning of November.


23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? I have no theme. My tree is decorated with everything from imported Italian ornaments to paper ones made by the kids.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? if my Christmas fantasies came true, I would be the proud owner of a Kindle and either a smoking fast laptop or a tablet computer.


So, can I talk any of y'all into joining me in my Christmas thievery sharing? Pretty please.

Friday Night Leftovers: the oh crap there are only 8 shopping days left edition

It's time for Friday Night Leftovers hosted by the fabulous Danifred of Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks...

• I am so proud of Marty. He just got his second promotion in ROTC. He is seriously kicking ass.
• We just got Marty's ROTC pictures back. He looks so grown up.

• The creeping crud has invaded our house and it won't go away. There has been at least one sick kid at home every day for the past week and a half. Please dear God let us be better for Christmas.
• My tree is up and it's gorgeous. I got an almost 10 foot tree for only $50 because I offered to talk about them on my blog. Post coming soon.
• Gabe and T were in the Christmas concert at school the other night, Gabe was just thrilled beyond belief to get to perform in front of everyone.
• Gabe is once again ahead of his brothers in one department. Because Gabe decided it was appropriate to go into the bathroom at school with his eyes closed, he managed to slam the door in on of his friend's faces. The poor kid got hit in the nose and Gabe had to go talk to the vice-principal. That makes 2 visits in less than half a school year.
• I got to do lots of Christmas shopping today, including my shopping for the angel tree. I had so much fun and it truly put me in the Christmas spirit.

Head on over to Danifred's and check out the rest of the leftovers. Y'all have anything you want to share with us

My Turn To Give Back

Y'all, I have been given the most fabulous opportunity to really spread the Christmas cheer. EdenFantasys is hosting a program called Eden Gives Back for a second year. The Eden Gives Back program asks the EdenFantasys community to raise money by either donating your gift cards or donating points (and EdenFantasys donated double the value of the point the community donated). They also asked a few lucky Eden community members to volunteer to go out and shop for charity with the money raised. EdenFantasys and the community they've built really are about more than sex toys.

Tomorrow, I get to go out and shop for two beautiful little babies who were listed on the local Salvation Army Angel Tree...Areceli who is only 1 yr old and Gabrielle who is also only 1. I am so excited because the incredible generosity of this community means that I get to fill those little girl's dressers with all kinds of pretty things and maybe make their parents' holidays a little easier. I will also be able to buy some toys which will fill the need for fun stuff to round out the donations of clothes. Ya know, honestly, I'm not sure what the best part of this experience will be for me...maybe it will be shopping for little girl's stuff after years of buying for my boys, spending someone else's money, or really getting to dive into the spirit of the season.

Seriously, y'all, if you haven't checked out EdenFantasys, give it a chance. Not only do they have all kinds of fab products, but the people that hang out there are pretty damned cool too.

If you are in a position to give back this season, what are you doing this year? Do you have a special tradition, a unique way to give back to the community you live in?


While I will receive a gift card from EdenFantasys, all opinions in this post are entirely my own.

The Secret Sperminator

How would you feel if a newspaper came to you and told you your husband or partner had donated sperm to at least 9 couples and at least 3 of them were pregnant? Additionally, he had done this completely without your knowledge and didn't plan on telling you until after the children were born.

That is the situation facing Kathy Johnson, *"former Mrs. Alabama, a former director of the Alabama Broadband Initiative, a former director of Children First Foundation and director of the Alabama Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy." Mrs. Johnson's husband, Bill, a former top state official and Republican gubernatorial candidate in Alabama, has been working in New Zealand with the recovery effort from the deadly earthquake. While in New Zealand, Bill decided to pursue a desire to be a biological father, a desire he should have given up when he married a woman who had had a hysterectomy. Not only did Bill pursue this without his wife's knowledge but he pursued it without going through the rigorous screening processes in place in New Zealand's fertility clinics. He chose to go through online donor registries to meet women who wanted to get pregnant. Additionally, Bill compromise the very values he claimed to believe in during his campaign (values I don't share). Instead of holding tight to his anti-gay marriage stance, he donated to at least one lesbian couple.

Furthermore, Bill Johnson is now upset about the newspaper story dealing with his activities. He *"said publication of the story would make it difficult for him to stay in New Zealand. 'I've been trying to get my wife over here, my family over here ... so I can be around for these children,' Johnson said, according to the Herald." As if what he did wasn't bad enough, he had been trying to uproot his wife and family and move them to the other side of the world when he didn't even plan on telling them about the babies until after they were born. This secret sperminator is truly a scum sucking bottom feeder.

How would you react to something like this? Kathy Johnson has (so far) reacted with class and dignity. I think I might have gone for the cut his balls off response. Weigh in with your opinion.


Quote marked with a * are taken from a story on al.com
More information can be found in a Montgomery Advertiser article

For Shame: a major corporate fail

Every once in a while, I read or hear a story that really disappoints me, that is really disheartening. Today was one of those days.

TLC has a new reality show called All-American Muslim. It follows the daily life of 5 Muslim American families and lets us get a peak inside their world. The families being followed offer a cross section of society...everyone from a couple of newly weds to a local football coach are featured on this show...and each family involved has said they are part of this show because they want the rest of America to know they are just like them. Basically, the show seeks to show the human face behind the religion and to remind the rest of America that Muslim and terrorist are not synonymous.

Sadly, a corporate powerhouse, Lowe's Home Improvement Warehouse, has chosen to listen to an extreme conservative group called Florida Family Association who says that All-American Muslim is *"propaganda that riskily hides the Islamic agenda's clear and present danger to American liberties and traditional values." Instead of standing by their professed all American values, Lowe's has pulled all their advertising from this show. They are trying to appease people by saying *"Individuals and groups have strong political and societal views on this topic, and this program became a lightning rod for many of those views," the statement said. "As a result we did pull our advertising on this program. We believe it is best to respectfully defer to communities, individuals and groups to discuss and consider such issues of importance." If this was a program about being Jewish in America, no company would dare pull their advertising for fear of being labeled anti-semetic. How dare a corporation like Lowe's treat Muslims differently and hope to get away with it?

Grassroots movements are already starting against Lowe's. California state senator Ted Lieu has publicly stated he might call for a boycott or even pursue legislative action if Lowe's doesn't change there position. While I think legislative action isn't necessary, I do support a grassroots boycott. I for one will be driving across town to Home Depot until something changes.

Meanwhile, if you want to get a true picture of what it means to be a Muslim in America, check out the TLC show, watch this video

or check out any of these following websites...
Muslims in America: A Statistical Portrait
5 Myths about Muslims in America
The National Muslim-Christian Initiative
A Common Word Between Us and You

Weigh in with your opinion and tell me how you think people should handle this?

All quotes marked with a * were taken from an AP news article about this situation

Kristin vs. the tree

This weekend, we'll be going out to get our Christmas tree. We always wait until at least the second week in December because I have to have a real tree. We tend to make a bit of a production of getting our tree. It's part of the whole Christmas celebration for us. A few years ago, we added a new element to our whole Christmas tree production. We started tying our tree to the wall. Yes, really...we tie the tree to the wall.

A number of years ago, before Gabe was born, we were setting up our Christmas tree. We had this phenomenal tree, about 9 ft tall and super full, and we had a nice, new big tree stand to put it up in. Vic and I had managed to get that big mother up in the stand and we were letting it stand so the branches could settle open. We had filled the stand with water and I finally had a chance to sit down at the computer.

Well, I didn't get to sit down very long. In less than 15 minutes, I heard a shriek from the living room. As I rounded the corner I saw Marty clinging desperately to a branch of the tree. He's leaning back and the tree is leaning way over. I don't know how the hell he kept that tree from hitting the ground, but he did. However, whatever he did to tip the tree emptied at least a gallon of water from the stand onto the ground. It was such a mess. With help from Vic, we got the tree re-situated in the stand. It was once again secure...or so I thought.

Later in the day, it was time to decorate our behemoth. We had almost all of our ornaments on...the Sesame Street ornaments, my imported Italian glass ornaments, the ornaments we got on our honeymoon. The tree was looking truly gorgeous. All that was left was for Marty to hang the Grinch ornament. Now, Marty has a unique tradition with that Grinch ornament. In his mind, it's an ornament so it HAD to go on the tree but it was that mean old Grinch so it needed to be hidden. The problem that year was the way Marty decided to get the Grinch into the inside of the tree. Marty decided to go under the tree and come up on the inside of the tree in order to hang the Grinch in his hiding place. Wanna know how that worked out? *Not too good. Marty went up, the tree went over, and then, the tree hit the ground. All the ornaments save the Grinch were already on the tree and the tree was on the fucking ground. I had horrific visions of broken ornaments and having to undecorate the tree to be able to resecure it in the stand. I think there were only two things that saved Marty's life at that moment...1) only two ornaments broke and neither broken one was special in any way and 2) despite the screws from the tree stand biting deep into the tree when it fell, all it took to get it standing straight and tall again was to rotate the tree a little and tighten the screws again.

At that point, I decided enough was enough. I was going to fix it so that damned tree couldn't ever go over again. I marched out to the van and got the twine that had secured the tree to the top of the van. Then, I went up the hill to our shed and found my drill and to eye bolts. I hauled my trusty two step metal step stool out of it's corner and put those damned eye bolts into the wall studs.  I was standing on the top step of my step stool with the twine tied to one eye bolt. I leaned forward a little bit to wrap the twine around the truck and, that's when it happened. As I was leaning out (just a little mind you), I felt my foot slip. I think my foot must have been a little damp from my trip outdoors to get the tools because I sure as hell wasn't leaning far enough to account for the fall. The foot slipped, the knee loudly popped, and I hit the floor in the one small area I could hit without banging my head. My knee popped so loudly that I thought I had broken it again.

So, there I was, lying on the floor in an immense amount of pain and the damned tree wasn't even tied to the wall yet. A trip to the **ER in an ambulance assured me that my knee wasn't broken. A smart husband made sure the tree was secured to the eye bolts in the wall before I got home. And, the tree stayed upright for the rest of the Christmas season. I think that while the tree may have won the battle, I definitely won the war. To this day, our trees get tied to the wall before even one ornament goes on it. I even learned two very important lessons that day...1) step stools are evil bastards that ambush you when your feet are wet, and 2) the tree never wins.

So y'all, your assignment is to share one ridiculous holiday story with me. Maybe something that makes me feel not so alone in my klutziness. Spill it!

A Day Which Will Live In Infamy

Despite the fact that I have some awesome What The Fuck Wednesday material, I won't be running it today. It just seemed wrong to be laughing at idiocy on a day when some of the last heroes of the Greatest Generation are gathering for the last time.

Today was the 70th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Many of our brave men lost their lives that day and the lucky ones who survived have had the National Pearl Harbor Survivors Association to be a part of. Not only does this December mark the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, it also marks the end of the National Pearl Harbor Survivors Association. Since the 7,000 to 8,000 Pearl Harbor survivors are old enough that travel is a big issue, the National organization is disbanding. I just want to take a moment to offer a final salute to the men, the warriors, the generation that did so much for us.

Marco Garcia/AP Photo

Tasty Tuesday: Happy Happy Birthday!

To celebrate my birthday, I decided that I'd share the birthday cakes I made for T and Gabe's party this past weekend. Gabe specifically requested a Draclea (Dracula in Gabe speak) cake and T asked fora Princess's castle cake.

Both these cakes were made with the chocolate cake recipe from last Tuesday. They were absolutely delicious. If you try out the recipe, let me know what you think?

In Which I Made An Ass of Myself

I didn't have a very good afternoon. You know those cheesy motivational posters that tell you to be the best you that you can be. Well, I definitely wasn't the best Kristin I could be this afternoon. We've had a few things go wrong lately (my van isn't behaving and Vic's also needs a repair & a few other stressful things) and I let it all get to me. Marty and I ended up arguing over me helping him with math (which hasn't happened in ages) and then my mom called. She was returning Gabe's phone call and, when they were done chatting, she got me on the phone. She offered to go to Marty's appointment with me later this week and, instead of being grateful that she wanted to help out, I got snarly and snippy because I assumed she was offering to come because she didn't think I could advocate for my son.

Once we got through dinner and the kids were settled in watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, I called my mom back to apologize. That's when I really started to feel like shit. I could hear the tears in my mom's voice and it made me want to cry myself. My mom truly only wanted to help because she was worried about the car situation and worried because I was so tired. My mom was also hurting because of the physical therapy she went through earlier today and that brought emotions to the forefront. I apologized and apologized again.We had a great conversation and I had her laughing by the end...but, I still feel like shit for reacting the way I did. So I decided I had to apologize publicly.

I love you mom and I'm sorry. I know you only were trying to help. I never want to make you cry.

The Crash After The Sugar High

Oh my God am I ever tired. Today was the dual birthday party for T and Gabe. So, in the past few days we have busted ass cleaning the house and getting ready for the party. I also baked and decorated two kick ass cakes...a princess palace cake and a Draclea (Gabe speak for Dracula) cake.

We had a houseful today. Counting our children, there were 18 children here for the party. There were also 7 adults from the family and 5 (I think) guest parents. It was loud, crazy, wild, and wonderful. They bounced on the trampoline, had sword battles, beat the crap out of a pinata, and ate tons of cake. The look on T's face when all the kids were singing happy birthday to her and Gabe was just priceless. She looked thrilled beyond belief. And Gabe had a blast. Some of his favorite people from school and some of the favorite adults in his life were able to be here.

I took a bunch of pictures but haven't had a chance to edit any of them. I'll try to have them to show y'all in the next day or two. Right now, I'm going to crawl off to bed and get some much needed rest. I am tired.

Happy Birthday my Gabriel

My dearest darling Gabriel,

I can't begin to express how much joy I experience being your mommy. The simple fact that you exist, that we actually got to bring you home, is a miracle that stuns me to my very core.

You are such a sweet, funny kid with an incredibly infectious laugh. Sometimes, I see people smile just because they hear you laughing. You truly have a wicked sense of humor which, like most boys, has a tendency to veer towards gross, body humor. I think you must have learned that from your brothers.

I am also incredibly impressed by the intelligence I see you demonstrate. You may only be in kindergarten but you can already count to 100 and more. You also know that 5+5 = 10 and 6+4 = 10. I got the biggest kick tonight listening to you explain to the older kids that there is a difference between wants and needs and that electronics are a want (although I think I'm awfully dependent on the internet).

I LOVE that you seem to be developing a geeky streak and you made me so very proud when you walked into the room a month or so ago, glanced at the TV, and said "Are you watching Dr. Who?" How cool is it that you recognize one of my favorite shows already?

I am so lucky that I get to volunteer in your kindergarten class this year. It has been beyond awesome watching you learn and grow and develop socially. And, I truly love getting to eat lunch with you once a week. I know someday it won't be cool to have mom around but, right now, you seem to love it and I'm loving the time we have together.

Happy 6th Birthday my beautiful, wonderful, miracle boy! You are the love of my life.

Love, Mom