Going Green

Mowing the lawn when it's more than 90 degrees and the humidity is high is a bitch. There is absolute nothing good and nothing enjoyable about it. And, coming from me, that is saying a lot because I actually enjoy mowing the lawn in the Spring time. When I came in from mowing the back lawn today, I started thinking (and those of you who know me know just how dangerous that can be). Surely there had to be a better way to maintain a nice lawn. Perhaps something that would not only be easier on me but better for the environment. And, then, not only did I hit on a way that could get home owners off easy but I found a way to convince the communities we live in to support it. We could call it...

Going Green with Goats

After all, most towns and cities don't allow livestock within their boundaries but, if we sold it as a green alternative, maybe, just maybe they would allow it. Goats would reduce air pollution because people wouldn't be running the nasty, dirty engines on lawn mowers. Goats would also reduce chemical pollutants because the natural fertilizer would eliminate the need for chemicals. And, we could sell them on the population being healthier because they could drink the milk their goats produced instead of having to drink the milk laced with the growth hormones and everything else fed to cows in modern day dairies.

Of course, knowing how narrow-minded government officials tend to be, I have a plan in place for what to do if they turn down our Going Green with Goats initiative. We will turn to pygmy goats. I know y'all are probably thinking I've lost it by now. After all, if goats won't be approved what makes me think pygmy goats will be approved. Well, we are going to use them stealthily. If we rig them with a few judiciously place bolts and something that looks like an antenna/radio signal receiver we can tell the city officials that the herd of pygmy goats are really a herd of mechanized, automated lawn mowing machines.

So who can I sign up to join in on my Going Green with Goats initiative?