Warped Christmas Carols

Anyone who knows me can testify to the fact that I have a truly warped sense of humor. Last year, a friend of mine and I got into a contest to see who could come up with the most warped and plain WRONG versions of Christmas carols. Sadly, she beat me in every single category.

Please keep in mind that these were written in good fun and no people children creatures were harmed in the writing of these carols. For the sake of anonymity, the name John Smith will be used as necessary.

To the tune of Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells
your butt swells
because you ran your mouth
Now your siblings get to laugh
because you can't sit down,oh!

OR

Put your toys
Put your toys
Put your toys away
If you do not do it
I will throw them away, hey!

To the tune of Auld Lang Syne

May old spankings not be forgot
As you try to sit in that chair
Maybe you'll think before you speak
And not get in Mommy's hair

To the tune of Silver Bells

Little Screams
Tears in streams
It's spanking time
at the Smith's

To the tune of So This is Christmas (War Is Over)

So this is a spanking,
and what have you learned,
Your mouth runneth over,
and now your heinie feels burned

So this is a spanking,
You're weak and I'm strong,
If you don't learn to be quiet,
Your childhood will seem long.

Merry Christmas Y'all!