All sides of a woman

Sometimes you will hear a song and it really speaks to you. It touches something inside of you. The funny thing is, you never really know what song it will be. One song I have always loved and always identified with is Bitch by Meredith Brooks...

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel
underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived

What I love about this song (besides the catchy beat) is that it talks about women being complex individuals. We are not all good. We're not all bad. You can't tag us with a simple label and expect it to describe all aspects of us.

Infertility has the ability to rob us of many aspects of ourselves if we let it. Our desire for a child, whether it is a first child or a fourth, can become overwhelming and suffocating. Our schedules become all about shots and appointments and cycle days and temperatures and all the minutiae of infertility. When you are immersed in the murky depths of infertility, take a moment to surface. Take a breath and see the world around you. Rest assured, I know you often won't want to. I sure as hell didn't want to when we were experiencing loss after loss after loss. However, I had two other kids whose needs forced me to the surface and that was my salvation. Taking those moments can be a sanity saver, a life saver, and a relationship saver. I know that without my kids, my husband, and my dear friends I would have had trouble surfacing...trouble pulling myself out of the dark depths of infertility. Without all that support, it would have been far too easy to become one dimensional and allow myself to be defined by my infertility. If you find yourself in that place, I can say unequivocally that I will be there to help you pull yourself up and I can bet almost anyone else in this community would make the same offer. Take a moment to surface. Find your inner lover, your inner angel, or even your inner goddess. Find something that lets your mind escape from the depths of infertility and remember who you are. Throw off that label of INFERTILE and embrace the Bitch in yourself.
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