"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. " -Helen Keller

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


These questions are courtesy of Sweetisu...check out her blog, she's a really cool lady! If you'ld like questions asked of you, just let me know.

1. If you could live forever and ever, would you want to? Why or why not? While I would like to live for a very, very long time, I don't want to live forever. Even though there is enough to learn and experience to keep me occupied for the next millenia, I don't think I could stand the heartbreak of outliving everyone I love. Also, I have a very strong faith in God and do believe I will see the loved ones I've lost again. It would hurt badly to lose that opportunity.
2. What's your favorite food/dish? How often do you have that? Hehehe...for me, this question is harder than the previous one. One of my downfalls is that I love the pleasure of good food. My favorite really depends on my mood. My fil makes a beans and rice dish that is to die for and my hubby cooks some of the best pork roast you've ever tasted. As for my own cooking, I make a mean Beef Wellington, wonderful Taco soup, and a pretty damned good Anniversary Chicken (and, no, I don't know why its called that). Then, there are desserts...I could go on and on about that too. LOL Oh yeah...also love escargot, seafood of all types and persuasions, and my mom's turkey soup.
3. What is the one thing that you really want to try / do before you die? I want to go skydiving and drive a NASCAR race car at full speed around a track. I'd also like to go up in a jet and be involved in a mock battle (there is a place in Georgia where you can do that).
4. What was your most embarrassing moment? I'd have to say it was in junior high. I use to get the most hellacious periods. One day it hit about a day before I expected it and it soaked through the back of my pants...UGH. Never thought I'd live that one down. Also, my periods were so bad (unlike most junior high girls) that I would have to go change my pad or tampon a few ttimes a day. I think some of the other students were convinced I was sneaking smoke breaks.
5. What is one sexual fantasy that you always have, but will probably never become a reality? Honestly, my hubby and I have a very open sexual relationship. By that I mean we talk about all our interests and we are always willing to try something with each other at least once. Since I've never been into things like threesomes or anything too out there, it means I've been able to fulfill my sexual fantasies. Hell, when you are married to a man who can make you quiver from head to toe, what more do you need. I got really lucky. Not only did I marry my soulmate but he's the best lover I could ask for.

For more question and answer fun go visit
The Barrenness
And Jen P.

Save me from the doctors...LOL...

My poor coughing, hacking , sneezing self got to go have a consult with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist today. He decided that my OBs course of action was basically correct but that, instead of 150 mg of lovenox once a day, I should be on 40 mg twice a day. That will double the number of shots I have to give myself for the rest of the pregnancy. Now I really will know what a pincushion feels like.

Also, I have a question for all of you. Feel free to weigh in even if you haven't had any kids yet. Both my boys were born via c-section but it was never due to an inability to deliver but because of other medical/pregnancy related issues. A recent study (about 2 yrs ago) showed that risks of uterine rupture are a little higher than previously thought during a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). However, the risk is still VERY, VERY LOW...less than 3%. The specialist told me that my clotting issue should not effect any decision about whether to attempt a VBAC. Part of me really wants to try for a vaginal birth but another part of me doesn't even want any extra risk...no matter how miniscule. What would you do?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

*Cough, cough* *Hack, Hack* ACHOO!

Can you tell I don't feel good? I caught the crud my boys (esp. Joey) had and its kicking my butt. I would just about kill for a dose of Theraflu but, of course, that isn't on the approved meds list. UGH

If I'm scarce, that is why.

*****I have made a miraculous discovery. I compared the ingredients list of Theraflu with the list of approved meds and they are all on the list! The cough suppressant in Theraflu is the same one in Robitussin DM. WOOHOO...I can have my theraflu!

Friday, May 27, 2005

12 weeks 1 day...

that means NO MORE PROGESTERONE FOR ME!!! Can you tell I'm happy to be able to ditch those suppositories?

I also bought a doppler. It came in yesterday and I did pick up the heartbeat for a few beats but the little shit aka the baby must have been moving and grooving because I promptly lost it again. Oh well, those few audible heartbeats were enough to make me happy.

Monday, May 23, 2005

For your amusement...the newest style in boys' underwear...

Rest assured...the purple ones are simply underwear that got ripped...nothing wierder...LOL.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

The quilt is done...WOOHOOO!!!

I finished the quilt...its all assembled and ready to go int he mail on Monday morning. I am so excited that it is done. I only wish I could be there when Alison and Andrew open it up and see it for the first time. If y'all are inteested, you can see the finished pictures on my website. There is a pic of the entire thing...I'm hiding behind it holding it up. There are close ups of each row (3 pics of each row...the last square from the first pic is also in the second pic & the last square from the second pic is also in the third pic). Each row has 4 cross stitched squares and three fabric squares. There are also pics of each individual square and they are labeled by who stitched them. Let me know what you think of it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

165 beats per minute!!!!!

We heard the baby's heartbeat via doppler. It didn't even take my doc 3 seconds to find it. I truly think that was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I have my next regular OB appointment in 4 weeks and my doc also thought he might have me go to a one time consult with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist at the nearby teaching hospital. He just wants the specialist to review all my test results and look at the info regarding the current pregnancy and either confirm we are on the right course of treatment or possibly suggest things to fine tune our plan.

The only bummer is that because of my status as a high risk obstetrical patient (in addition to my two prior c-sections), my doc is not willing to consider a vbac birth. Still, as much as I would have liked to experience that, its a very, very small price to pay for a healthy mom and baby at the end of this.

I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow (the 19th)...almost out of the first trimester.

My appointment is at 11...2 hours and 13 minutes away...

and I'm scared to death. I hope to God we get good news but I'm so scared they'll take a peak and just say "Sorry, we don't know why, but the treatments didn't work and your baby is gone."

Even my doc acknowledged that this appointment is the biggie...if the baby is still there and growing then we know the lovenox is doing its job. At that point, we will have mostly normal pregnancy worries.

Oh please God let the news be good.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I decided to celebrate reaching 10 weeks by puking my guts out this morning.

And, it would have had to be my guts I was puking up because my stomach was completely empty. It was such fabulous fun that I think maybe I should celebrate all the pregnancy milestones that way. My body seems to take delight in tormetning me and screwing with me. First I puke or just don't want to eat and then I'm ravenously hungry...it is frustrating. And my belly is back to looking like a piece of modern art...between the teeny scabbed over needle holes and the nice big bruise I'm sporting right now, its a really good thing I'm not taking pics of it yet.

Now, please understand, continuing to have symptoms is a good thing. In fact, its a very, very good thing...but that damned well doesn't mean I have to like them. I wish I could find more comfort in them but right now even the symptoms aren't keeping me from getting more and more scared as my appointment next Wednesday (the 18th) gets closer and closer. To fight off the tension and paranoia, I'm taking advantage of a SpaWish gift certificate some of my wonderful friends gave me and I'm going to the spa next Tuesday. I'll be getting a manicure, pedicure, a moisturizing body polish, and a deep pore cleansing facial. The only bummer is that I can't get the 90 minute massage I was so looking forward to. They don't do massages on women in their first trimester...something about the toxins released through deep tissue massage interferring with the baby's growth. Don't have any clue whether its a valid thought or not but I figured I'd be a good girl and go along with the plan. Guess the massage will have to wait for another 3 weeks or so. I can't wait to go to the spa and I really adore the ladies who gave me such a wonderful gift.

Monday, May 09, 2005

This is whats been keeping me busy...

This is the quilt I have been working on for one of the ladoes on the cross stitch board I belong to. Her beautiful 7 yr old son has been ill since he was a teeny kiddo and he is terminal...but no one really knows how long he has. I stitched 3 of the 28 cross stitch squares in the quilt. My son stitched one square. The other 24 squares were stitched by people all over the world. I know you can't see the detail of the cross stitched squares but that is because the quilt is so big (as is, without the border, it is 53in wide by 70in long). I will end up setting up a page on my craft web site with close ups of the stitched squares and, if any of y'all are interested, I will post that link here.

Nothing really to update about my pregnancy...I'm here...I'm pregnant...and everything seems to be going well.

***OMG, I was just going through my archives and reading the comments and I came across this post...I just realized my next OB appt when I will probably get an u/s will be on the 18th and I will be almost 11 weeks...close enough to make me pause.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I'm still here...and I'm 9 weeks today.

I discovered a job that has become Vic's job for the duration of the pregnancy. Vic is in charge of bagging up the garbage from the bathrooms. I was doing that this morning and the smell of the garbage in the boys' bathroom almost made me puke. Its not that it even smelled that bad...I just couldn't tolerate it. My sense of smell, like many women's, is heightened during pregnancy and certain smells trigger my gag reflex BIG TIME. I guess I've found one of them.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Tomorrow makes me nervous...

Tomorrow, the 3rd, I will be 8 weeks 5 days. That was the largest my baby girl measured (last summer) before we lost her. Now, I know her growth had probably slowed and we probably didn't lose her until 9+ weeks but the significance of the dates make me nervous. I know this is an illogical fear but, dammit, I don't feel like being logical.

I should be getting another ultrasound sometime in the coming week and seeing that beating heart again will help allay these fears. I don't know what day my next u/s willbe because my doc was out of town last week when I went in to do my paperwork. I told the nurse I didn't want to know when he was getting back...I didn't want to know his vacation timeline...because every time I had a pregnancy go to hell in a handbasket he was out of town. I figured I would save myself some worry if I could just lie to myself and say he was already back so everything was safe. I think I will call in tomorrow and ask about a specific date for my next u/s...or maybe not...cause I really don't want to know if my doc is still out of town.

Right now I'm laughing my ass off at how neurotic and illogical this post is...sorry folks, thats my state of mind right now.

Oh yeah, so far so good with this pregnancy...I can already notice my waistband getting a bit tighter.